Entry by: Yours truly
Those of you Good and Faithful and Most Forgiving Readers that have been around for a little bit, might remember that I posted this almost a year ago today… for those you who don’t remember this post: this is a rotten, rotten, vile, heinous
movie snake in the grass, coiled up and ready to strike. In the year since I posted this last, two people have been duped into watching this… whatever you do – DON’T DO IT!!! This is a miserable mother fucker and if anything deserves to win SHITFEST, this is it. (Of course I want to win my own contest!!) Anyway – here we go again – this time spruced up and spell checked!!
This movie was awful. For reals. No lies. I thought I was ordering a Giallo when I beeredly queued this up and then when I got it I noticed it was some sort of Danish film (those crazy Danes) but I thought I’d give it a shot anyway. It’s not like I wish I could unsee it (like American Maniacs) and my eyes aren’t burning, but it was just not very good whatsoever. I mean – the sound was absolutely terrible (which shouldn’t come as a big surprise considering the year it was made) but it was SO BAD I could barely take it. Then they threw some of the most heinous music I have ever heard into it, so my ears endured 1.5 hours of agony except for the parts where I turned the volume all the way down. If you’ve been around my place for any length of time you know that “Exploitation” films don’t bother me at all but this thing was just, I don’t know, I’m at a loss for words, just = NOT GOOD.
Dwarfsploitation, Sexploitation, Drugsploitation, Boobsploitation – they’re all in here as four women spend the entire time explicitly nekkid, drugged up on heroin and being used for sex slaves in the filthiest attic in Denmark. They are held captive by that greasy, slimy dwarf there and his mother, a Vodka guzzling person who appears to be some sort of old cabaret singer who has a few totally irritating song and dance pieces that made me feel like crying in pain, like I did when I smashed my thumb with that hammer however long ago. That really fucking hurt.
Anyway, there’s these four completely nude ladies in the attic moaning and crying for more heroin and, one night, in come this good looking newlywed couple looking for a place to stay. They give them a room and, of course, they get to boning right away while the little guy peeps on them and then it’s the next day and off the husband goes to sell whatever it is he writes and she’s left alone, braless in her sweater listening to strange noises coming from the attic and there’s some whipping and a bunch of un-requested (and un-simulated I believe) sex and a cane in a WHAT and then it’s the end, thank heavens. This even gets one of these on the office window:
One of the things my friend and I thought about when I first started doing this is that this could be: a place where people could go to read about things they DON’T need to see – I could do the public a service and be on Hadrian’s Wall and protect you from the vile trail of oozy, black slime that some movies turn out to be.
While this wasn’t Most Unclean worthy, since time is precious and is not infinite: this definitely isn’t worth your time. That’s funny – when I downloaded these posters (the first time) I labeled them “TSD” and that made me think of STDs, so now if I ever think about this movie again it will probably remind me of STDs and, to finish up here, I’ve never had an STD but I think they probably aren’t any fun and probably painful and that’s kind of what this movie is – unfun and painful. In fact, maybe this could be considered an STD of 70s film. HA – I crack myself up. One TH because the braless, blond lead is a super hot act!
And, with that, SHITFEST is over….. : ( This sure was a lot of fun and I’m kind of sad it ended. THANK YOU ALL SOOOOO MUCH FOR ALL OF YOUR HELP AND EVERYTHING YOU DID!!! I hope you had a good time and got some laughs and met new people and people found your blog and you made new friends and all of that!! This was great!!!
So, now – don’t forget to vote on your three favorite entries!!! Send me an email to email@example.com with the title “shitfest vote” and I’ll tally em all up. I’ll accept votes until June 7th and then announce the big winner on the 10th!! How exciting!!!
THANK YOU ALL AGAIN and I look forward to SHITFEST 2014!!!
Your humble friend,
Just in case you have never noticed – to the left of this post (on a web page) or at the top (on a phone) there is a link titled **SHITFEST 2013** – there you can find every entry and all of the brilliant comments to read over and over and over and over!!! And – to refresh your memory when it comes to voting : ) – and, of course, I just linked that to the page too : )