Have you ever seen a movie that was so fucking terrible you couldn’t even believe it? I totally wanted to get this into SHITFEST 2013 but, unfortunately I just wasn’t able to, which is a shame, because this could have been a contender. I’ll have to keep this in my pocket for SHITFEST 2014. This is terrible from start to fucking finish, doesn’t make a fucking lick of sense for the most part, the sound is terrible, the acting sucks and the only good thing about this MIGHT be the female lead “Sue” played by Ashlie Victoria Clark who seems to have made three films and aborted her acting career, probably because this eventually was released and she went to hide out of shame. However that worked out for her, she certainly didn’t act her ass off in this but she was nice to look at. There are only two screen shots that I can find on Google so I’ll make some of my own and let’s talk about this stinker.
~ SPOILERS ~
So – as the opening credits roll, a preacher menacingly watches over a group of four people sleeping in a car in the middle of a field.
Suddenly, as the credits end, the car is on a fucking road and Sue notices the man looking at them. “OH SHIT THERE’S SOMEONE LOOKING AT US!!!!!!” Sue screams but he’s gone before anyone else can see him. We’ve never seen that tactic used before..
Minutes later, Sue is attacked in the gas station bathroom!!! “OH SHIT SOMEONE HELP ME!!!!!!” Sue screams but, by the time help shows up, the hobo has disappeared, even though there is only one door. YAWN.
Sue inherited her family house, see. After she was given up for adoption, see. She remembers nothing of her childhood but inherited an abandoned, decrepit house in the middle of nowhere that’s littered with crosses and religious paraphernalia. Oh yeah – and a freezer full of 30 year old, perfectly safe to eat meat down in the basement. So they eat it and it’s delicious but don’t they know that IT’S FUCKING PEOPLE MEAT?????!?!?!??!?!?!?
After supper, Sue starts having visions. Visions of a little girl hiding in the house.
“I love this movie”, thinks Sue.
Later that night, these two (below) use perfect looking paper materials from the house that’s been rotting away for two decades to make a ouija board. Because that’s what you do. Somehow the guy in the red becomes infected with something and he goes around chasing them around and then the three people who aren’t him decide to finally fucking split. Every turn they take leads them right back to the driveway. Got that? Every time they drive off they end up back in the driveway of the house. So the preacher shows his face in the car window and they drive off into the woods and wreck and the girl below in the pic below is killed. Read: they didn’t go back to the driveway that last time. Consistency!! YAY!!! VALUE!!!
“Errrrrrrr…….. Maybe this movie isn’t so good after all…….”, Sue reasons.
Eventually it is learned that the preacher killed Sue’s mom and Sue’s twin sister (the little girl) because the mother gave birth to them out of wedlock. He then butchered them up real good and packed their meat in that freezer, so Sue actually ate her mom and maybe even her sister. To end this, Sue has to lop the head off of the preacher’s corpse which is crucified up in the attic. +_+ To this: she does and her and her boyfriend head outside into the rain – but, WAIT!!, the boyfriend doesn’t make it… An unknown something pulls him back into the house. Blood splatters on the doorway.
*As seen leaving the theater post initial screening:
Reporter: “Mz. Clark!! Mz. Clark!! Did you enjoy the final cut of your movie??”
Ashlie Clark: “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!“
Oh wait… the movie’s not over. After the big scream above the very next shot is this:
“Where am I?” Sue asks, waking up.
“You’ve been in a coma for eight months,” says an homely looking nurse.
“Welcome home” says the preacher who has been dead for a number of years and had the head of his decayed corpse lopped off by a sledgehammer.
“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Screams Sue as this movie mercifully ends.
And there you have it – oddsmakers are considering this a serious contender for SHITFEST 2014…