So I watched the first one and this on consecutive days and, honestly, I REALLY liked the first one. This one was going pretty good too until right at about an hour into it (detailed below) things kind of got a little iffy and the rest of the movie kind of fizzled out like when you used to live with your parents and your girlfriend was over and you really wanted to make out but then your mom walked into the room and sat on the other couch and ruined everything. JUST like that!! HA!! Also – curiously, the first one takes place in an old “possessed” house with a giant brick wall surrounding it but this time, it appears to be the exact same house and sets —– but now – no wall, which was pretty instrumental in the first’s end. It’s just out in some field somewhere. And, if you’re in the mood for it, there’s a bunch of nude and semi clothed “teenage” chicks slinking around all over the place – including Ben Stiller’s wife.
As this movie opens, a couple of Bible peddling meddlers approach the house from the first, which is really run down and decrepit and shitty and no one would ever live there and includes no plot-dependent wall. So obviously they barge right in like they own the place and are swiftly dispatched to the next life by the returning character of Angela, shown above. Elsewhere, a couple of horny dudes in their underwear are using binoculars to spy on the women’s dorm dressing room across the way. “BLOING!!!!” Their little weenies say. Just kidding, their weenies don’t say anything. Can you imagine??? TALKING WEENIES!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! HAHHAHAHAHAHA!! GOD DAMN!!
Anyway… So Christine Taylor and a couple of
boobs her friends give us the back story on the haunted “Hull House” and the events of the first film and fill us in that Angela is insane and her body was never found and anyone who goes near the house winds up dead and all of that good stuff. Then, in walks a character that I actually really liked:
“Mouse” who just happens to be————————————————- Angela’s sister!!!! *BONG* (that’s a sound effect). Mouse suffers from night terrors of the sort that her sister visits her in the dorm in the middle of the night and rips her jaw off. Gross! I don’t think there’s a need to go into the details of the rest of this movie, demon this, demon that, beheadings and holy water and everything. Like I said, everything was going good and I was having fun with this until, if you’re like me, or just a student studying the anatomy of the human female, after an hour of chicks slinking around naked or mostly naked, when it came time for the – uh – nicely endowed lady’s – uh – money shot:
Her boobs turned into hands and ripped the guts out of this guy!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT??????
I’m honestly not that disappointed that I didn’t get to see this chick’s tits, it’s just that.. that was pretty stupid and the movie just kind of limped along after that gimmick, with water guns filled with holy water, a nun who wields yardsticks like swords and lines like:
Father, I must confess, I have broken a commandment.
Thous shall not commit murder.
You have murdered someone? WHO???
I guess this next sentence might be a big spoiler but – so they have the big drawn out sacrifice / fight to the death and they melt Angela with holy water – but then she comes back to life as some sort of snake / centipede thing which didn’t make any fucking sense and they fight again and then it’s over. But it’s really not, because there’s a big red herring lipstick tube thing that’s been going around the whole movie and some girl finds it on the street for some reason (even though the last time we saw it it was in a bathroom) and she opens it up and a cartoon snake comes out of it. HUH??? OH WELL. I still liked Mouse and when I looked at her resume on IMDB, I see that she was in one of my favorite movies – MAY, Sweet!
The way I get movies are either through Netflix or iTunes (or sometimes the theater) and I can’t seem to find a copy of NotD 3 available to get my hands on. I know it’s probably out there on YouTube but the station where I do most of my work is an OLD computer with no speakers so it wouldn’t be worth looking for. Anyway – I’ll keep my eyes out for it and keep everyone posted : )