I am not the type of guy to use the phrase “this movie doesn’t know what it wants to be” – because I hate that phrase, but I don’t really understand what the ultimate goal of this movie was. It transitions from a bloody, gritty, medieval “crusade” to search out a village that’s not infected with the Black Plague in the 14th century (which is presumably protected by a Satan worshiping necromancer) into a preachy, violent clash between Pagans and Christians and then into an all-of-a-sudden voice over narrated conclusion that left me shrugging my fucking shoulders.
It’s too bad – this is from the guy who did the very good TRIANGLE… I don’t really know why this showed up in the horror queue of Apple TV, I guess because it was pretty bloody, but it sure didn’t offer anything frightening other than the idea of being alive during the Plague and having those gruesome pustules on my body… or by not wanting to be drawn and quartered by a couple of horses. Overall, I suppose it’s not too bad, for the violent clashes and the camera work, but the drawn out, voice over conclusion sure didn’t do anything for me.
Grizzly Sean Bean returns to us, this time as a chain mailed lead of a Christian commission to go root out the devil in this village who is keeping the pestilence at bay. It’s funny, the wife came downstairs while I was watching this and said “Is that guy ever in anything where he doesn’t look like that?” Anyway – here he is, growling and scowling in the Lord’s name with his hair covering his eyes – and doing lots of yelling – as he recruits a young monk with protruding lips to show him the way through the marsh to the village in question. The young boy, you see, is questioning his devotion to The Way, you see, because he is in love with a nice young girl, which is forbidden, you see. Along the way they are beset by a gang of thieves who we are made to believe has killed the boy’s girlfriend providing some plot points for later. Eventually, they reach the idyllic village to learn it is inhabited by quaint, good looking, clean, extremely violent Pagans with a preference for crucifying Christians. Let’s just say the two groups don’t get along and a lot of characters end up on the wrong end of the sword. Or the mace. Or “the cage”. There is a particular shot where this movie could have surely ended, with the monk-boy crying in the reeds, but then it goes on for a good 15 or 20 minutes longer with the lame voice over conclusion.
I mean – not that bad, not that swell either. In the end, it makes me want to watch “Triangle” again.
To end this:
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MRS. THE IPC, THE LOVE (AND SAVIOR) OF MY LIFE!!!!