*Beware – there’s a gnarly image down below.
If you ever wanted to check out my thoughts on the first two, you can find them HERE. *Beware – that’s one of the first things I ever wrote and it’s filled with grammar and syntax errors (that I was too lazy to go fix). Also – I know we (especially Tyson) give each other grief on giving things top marks, or perfect scores – but my place on here isn’t about saying something that gets a five is a perfect movie. A five means that I fucking loved it and would buy it and watch it again and it made things better for me. This is a personal blog and not some sort of giant syndication. So: *Beware, I REALLY liked Hatchet 2.
Do we need to get into the plot of Hatchet 3? IMO – the first one set out to be an original, American horror but it was kind of blah. The second one seem to be saying “let’s make the bloodiest fucking move ever and have fun with it” – and they succeeded – it’s over the top and funny and they didn’t take themselves to seriously. Well – here we are again and there’s 100,000 gallons of blood and guts and intestines and beheadings and scalpings and more blood and guts and testicles in a tree and all of that – but aside from one guy (Dee Snider’s son {Twisted Sister}) this isn’t too much “fun”. Oh – since we’re all about honesty out here, I have to be fair: as much as I think Sid Haig is a vile looking, disgusting slug that leaves a trail of slime behind him everywhere he goes, he has a brief cameo in here that’s pretty funny.

This woman: “Did you say free????? We don’t work for free around here. Move along, son. Move along.”
Here’s something a little personal about this movie. Does anyone remember when I interviewed A. J. Bowen?? Well – after that lightning struck I thought I’d try again and asked Adam Green (the director of the first two Hatchet movies and many other things) on Twitter if he’d do a little interview with me. He told me to go through his publicist, so I did and wrote her a nice medium length email telling her I was a big fan and FROZEN is one of my favorite movies and this would take him about five minutes and it would be an email and he wouldn’t even have to put on a suit or anything but there wouldn’t be any money in it because I’m a small time horror blog, etc. About two weeks later his publicist emailed me back and politely said “No, he’s too busy working on Hatchet 3” which I read as “There’s no money in it? Move along, kid.”
Anyway – this movie brings the blood and guts and balls but it just isn’t as much fun as the last one. Danielle Harris basically sits in the back of a police car the entire time, this surely is no spoiler when I say the entire cast gets ripped to shreds (literally) and the whole cast kind of fails a little on their Deep South accents. Oh – and there’s no boobs!! Whatever!! All in all, this wasn’t too bad but it was kind of a let down from the wicked-ass second one and since there were no boobs to be found in this rental and there’s not many pics of this to lift off of the web, here’s a nice one I found of Miss Harris. Here’s looking at you, kid.
I thought Green didn’t even direct H3? That sucks that that happened, but Hollowood is like that. Usually the smaller films/directors are really cool and open to stuff like that.
LikeLike
I don’t think it was Green – I tried because I think he’s got a good sense of humor. I think it was his agent and the $$$ that I don’t have : )
He didn’t direct H3 – he helped write and financed it. He’s off working on a TV show that doesn’t broadcast where I live.
Hope you’re doing all right out there : )
LikeLike
I too think Frozen is his best so far. Seems like a good enough dude. Those agents can be tricky bastards though haha. I’m doing great my friend and hope you are too!
LikeLike
Totally @ the tricky bastards part. LOL! Money talks!!
I think Frozen is an amazing movie!
LikeLike
That bloody picture was obviously the inspiration for the new Evil Dead film. The Danielle Harris picture is obviously the inspiration for my life.
LikeLike
LOL!!! Glad I could make your Friday better!!
If I don’t talk to you – have a good vacation!!!!
LikeLike
Thanks buddy! I’ll be around to read your reviews as I sit by the pool with a cold one everyday.
LikeLike
SWEET!!!!!!!!!!! Have one for me!!!
LikeLike
Ahhhh, that Danielle Harris picture is gnarly, so very, very gnarly….
LikeLike
So very gnarly. So very, very, very gnarly.
LikeLike
I’ll be done on this page in… 3 minutes…
LikeLike
uuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
JIZZBUTT!!!!
LikeLike
SPLURT!!!!!
LikeLike
(Just wait til next week’s episode – it’s EPIC – BLOB!!!!)
LikeLike
Not a big tattoo guy though, but I’ll overlook it.
LikeLike
Please do – it’s OK.
LikeLike
I quite liked the first one, but HATED part 2. Sorry dude. So I have no intention of seeing this, as I keep reading its the same shitty rehash of the previous ones. Nice story about trying to contact Green though 🙂
LikeLike
HOW could you hate 2??? What the hell’s your problem??? You know I love you but that’s just not…. right.
LikeLike
Because he was dead…..and then it got ridiculous. I dont like killers that are invincible. Sorry chief 😦
LikeLike
Oh well – to each their own and all of that, right? I thought it was awesome : ) (You’ll hate 3 then)
LikeLike
Of course mate, I’m happy you love it. The same way I think Mark is mental for not loving LOVE. 🙂
LikeLike
Exactly – crazy Scot!
LikeLike
I’ve yet to see any of these films, I need to get to work! Oh and great post as per usual :).
LikeLike
Thank you!!! These movies are good fun – I LOVED the second one : )
LikeLike
Man, that picture is amazing, such a turn on! The one of Danielle Harris underneath it is pretty nice too! *ba dum tsch*
Nice review pal!
LikeLike
HAHAHAHAHA!!! GOOD ONE!!!
THANKS!!
LikeLike
I love me some Crowley. And I love me some Harris. Will be checking this bad boy out very soon.
LikeLike
Excellent! Look forward to your thoughts! : )
LikeLike
Where has this Harris girl been all my life? First time I’ve ever seen her! Than you 🙂
LikeLike
WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA?????
Sounds like you have some fun catching up to do : )
LikeLike
You had me at “testicles in a tree”. (Not really).
And that chick doesn’t do it for me. 🙂
LikeLike
LOL – well, they’re up there : )
What??? Danielle Harris is a hot act : )
LikeLike
( ! )
LikeLike
Do I need to watch the first two? Judging by your review, Hatchet 2 is worth watching. Does it have boobs? Answer meeee!!
LikeLike
The first one is OK – the second one is balls out awesome and has one exciting set of a naked chick on video, bald as a monkey… : )
LikeLike