Isaacs Picture Conclusions

HATCHET 3 (2013) THREE TOP HATS

HATCHET3A

*Beware – there’s a gnarly image down below.

If you ever wanted to check out my thoughts on the first two, you can find them HERE. *Beware – that’s one of the first things I ever wrote and it’s filled with grammar and syntax errors (that I was too lazy to go fix). Also – I know we (especially Tyson) give each other grief on giving things top marks, or perfect scores – but my place on here isn’t about saying something that gets a five is a perfect movie. A five means that I fucking loved it and would buy it and watch it again and it made things better for me. This is a personal blog and not some sort of giant syndication. So: *Beware, I REALLY liked Hatchet 2.

HATCHET3B

This guy: “HOLY FUCKING SHITCRAP!!!!! IS THAT A GREMLIN???!?!?!?!?!

Do we need to get into the plot of Hatchet 3? IMO – the first one set out to be an original, American horror but it was kind of blah. The second one seem to be saying “let’s make the bloodiest fucking move ever and have fun with it” – and they succeeded – it’s over the top and funny and they didn’t take themselves to seriously. Well – here we are again and there’s 100,000 gallons of blood and guts and intestines and beheadings and scalpings and more blood and guts and testicles in a tree and all of that – but aside from one guy (Dee Snider’s son {Twisted Sister}) this isn’t too much “fun”. Oh – since we’re all about honesty out here, I have to be fair: as much as I think Sid Haig is a vile looking, disgusting slug that leaves a trail of slime behind him everywhere he goes, he has a brief cameo in here that’s pretty funny.

HATCHET3C

This woman: “Did you say free????? We don’t work for free around here. Move along, son. Move along.”

Here’s something a little personal about this movie. Does anyone remember when I interviewed  A. J. Bowen?? Well – after that lightning struck I thought I’d try again and asked Adam Green (the director of the first two Hatchet movies and many other things) on Twitter if he’d do a little interview with me. He told me to go through his publicist, so I did and wrote her a nice medium length email telling her I was a big fan and FROZEN is one of my favorite movies and this would take him about five minutes and it would be an email and he wouldn’t even have to put on a suit or anything but there wouldn’t be any money in it because I’m a small time horror blog, etc. About two weeks later his publicist emailed me back and politely said “No, he’s too busy working on Hatchet 3” which I read as “There’s no money in it? Move along, kid.”

HATCHET3D

Anyway – this movie brings the blood and guts and balls but it just isn’t as much fun as the last one. Danielle Harris basically sits in the back of a police car the entire time, this surely is no spoiler when I say the entire cast gets ripped to shreds (literally) and the whole cast kind of fails a little on their Deep South accents. Oh – and there’s no boobs!! Whatever!! All in all, this wasn’t too bad but it was kind of a let down from the wicked-ass second one and since there were no boobs to be found in this rental and there’s not many pics of this to lift off of the web, here’s a nice one I found of Miss Harris. Here’s looking at you, kid.

HATCHET3E

35 comments

  1. kloipy

    I thought Green didn’t even direct H3? That sucks that that happened, but Hollowood is like that. Usually the smaller films/directors are really cool and open to stuff like that.

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    • theipc

      I don’t think it was Green – I tried because I think he’s got a good sense of humor. I think it was his agent and the $$$ that I don’t have : )

      He didn’t direct H3 – he helped write and financed it. He’s off working on a TV show that doesn’t broadcast where I live.

      Hope you’re doing all right out there : )

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      Reply
      • kloipy

        I too think Frozen is his best so far. Seems like a good enough dude. Those agents can be tricky bastards though haha. I’m doing great my friend and hope you are too!

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  4. Tyson Carter

    I quite liked the first one, but HATED part 2. Sorry dude. So I have no intention of seeing this, as I keep reading its the same shitty rehash of the previous ones. Nice story about trying to contact Green though 🙂

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    Reply
    • theipc

      The first one is OK – the second one is balls out awesome and has one exciting set of a naked chick on video, bald as a monkey… : )

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      Reply

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