I watched this movie a long time ago – back whenever it came out and didn’t remember liking it very much. Our mutual friend Zoë wrote about this recently and I said something like “I don’t like the first one but liked the second” and she volleyed with “Are you sure about that??” so I ordered them both up and gave this a watch. This movie was SO STUPID it prompted me to think of a new feature for this site: WHY???
Why are these two idiots driving across the country in a beat up old car that likely wouldn’t make it to the other side of my town???
Why do directors think people really talk like that???
If the Creeper is going around town harvesting bodies, why did he just run them off the road and forget about them??? Why didn’t he go mercilessly kill them??? (The answer: because he needs to scare people so he can smell their fear…. ugh…)
Why in THE FUCK is this immortal, demon Being driving around in a beat up old clunker of a truck when he can fucking fly???
Why the FUCK does the immortal, blue Being have a fucking vanity license plate that reads BEATINGU????? Did he go to the DMV to request that????
NO ONE IN THE FUCKING WORLD, EVER, WOULD GO BACK TO THE SITE WHERE YOU SAW SOMEONE DUMPING BODIES IN A HOLE AND GO CRAWL IN A GOD DAMN SEWER DRAIN TO SEE WHAT’S GOING ON DOWN THERE!!!! WHY????????
Repeat: No one in the history of walking hominids has ever turned to someone and said: “I know we almost just got killed by a giant madman who we saw dumping what are clearly dead bodies down a sewage hole. Let’s go check it out!!” Even Canadians are smarter than that*.
You would think that if this GIANT, BLUE creature kept coming around every 23 fucking years to harvest humans at least SOMEONE would believe their story. But nope! WHY???
Speaking of that, a sane person would think that during the course of 23 days, every 23 years, some cop would have pulled this fucker over for speeding – or, if nothing else – that truck surely isn’t road safe. How did he present his driver’s license and registration??? I bet he doesn’t have EITHER!! So – did he just kill the cop(s)??? Wouldn’t someone have missed them and launched an investigation??? WHY???
The topper to this, to me, was this: WHY would an immortal, blue, wispy haired, bugman(?) go around wearing a Duster, a Safari hat and……………… whistling the tune “Jeepers Creepers”????? WHAT. THE. FUCK.??? Should we get together and write a movie called “Stayin’ Alive” where the lead character goes around slaying demons, whistling the tune of “Stayin’ Alive” by The Bee Gees? Tagline, to potential victim, after demon kill: “You’re Stayin’ Alive… baby!” WHISTLE WHISTLE WHISTLE WHISTLE.
And, finally, what in the fucking world does this have to do with “Peepers”??? There’s not much reference to eyeballs in this at all. Or Louis Armstrong for that matter!! Why not pick “WHAT A WONDAHFUL WOILD” I guess that wouldn’t be catchy. Oh well. (The answer is because he eats certain parts of people. The parts that he needs. At one point the siblings run over it with a car. A dozen times. So he needs a leg. So he goes and eats a leg. I guess he really wanted Justin Long’s eyes. UGH)
Well – there it is – the first edition of “WHY???”. I had fun doing this so I will probably do it again. If anyone ever wants to team up with me for a “WHY??? With Eric and (your blog or name here)” just let me know in the comments or send me an email to email@example.com
Thanks for reading!!
*I have nothing against Canadians – it’s an ongoing joke between me and one of my good friends – who’s Canadian.