Isaacs Picture Conclusions

WHY??? ~ JEEPERS CREEPERS (2001)

I watched this movie a long time ago – back whenever it came out and didn’t remember liking it very much. Our mutual friend Zoë wrote about this recently and I said something like “I don’t like the first one but liked the second” and she volleyed with “Are you sure about that??” so I ordered them both up and gave this a watch. This movie was SO STUPID it prompted me to think of a new feature for this site: WHY???

WHY???

JEEPERS1

Why are these two idiots driving across the country in a beat up old car that likely wouldn’t make it to the other side of my town???

Why do directors think people really talk like that???

If the Creeper is going around town harvesting bodies, why did he just run them off the road and forget about them??? Why didn’t he go mercilessly kill them??? (The answer: because he needs to scare people so he can smell their fear…. ugh…)

Why in THE FUCK is this immortal, demon Being driving around in a beat up old clunker of a truck when he can fucking fly???

Why the FUCK does the immortal, blue Being have a fucking vanity license plate that reads BEATINGU????? Did he go to the DMV to request that????

NO ONE IN THE FUCKING WORLD, EVER, WOULD GO BACK TO THE SITE WHERE YOU SAW SOMEONE DUMPING BODIES IN A HOLE AND GO CRAWL IN A GOD DAMN  SEWER DRAIN TO SEE WHAT’S GOING ON DOWN THERE!!!! WHY???????? 

Repeat: No one in the history of walking hominids has ever turned to someone and said: “I know we almost just got killed by a giant madman who we saw dumping what are clearly dead bodies down a sewage hole. Let’s go check it out!!” Even Canadians are smarter than that*.

You would think that if this GIANT, BLUE creature kept coming around every 23 fucking years to harvest humans at least SOMEONE would believe their story. But nope! WHY???

Speaking of that, a sane person would think that during the course of 23 days, every 23 years, some cop would have pulled this fucker over for speeding – or, if nothing else – that truck surely isn’t road safe. How did he present his driver’s license and registration??? I bet he doesn’t have EITHER!! So – did he just kill the cop(s)??? Wouldn’t someone have missed them and launched an investigation??? WHY???

The topper to this, to me, was this: WHY would an immortal, blue, wispy haired, bugman(?) go around wearing a Duster, a Safari hat and……………… whistling the tune “Jeepers Creepers”????? WHAT. THE. FUCK.??? Should we get together and write a movie called “Stayin’ Alive” where the lead character goes around slaying demons, whistling the tune of “Stayin’ Alive” by The Bee Gees? Tagline, to potential victim, after demon kill: “You’re Stayin’ Alive… baby!” WHISTLE WHISTLE WHISTLE WHISTLE.

And, finally, what in the fucking world does this have to do with “Peepers”??? There’s not much reference to eyeballs in this at all. Or Louis Armstrong for that matter!! Why not pick “WHAT A WONDAHFUL WOILD” I guess that wouldn’t be catchy. Oh well. (The answer is because he eats certain parts of people. The parts that he needs. At one point the siblings run over it with a car. A dozen times. So he needs a leg. So he goes and eats a leg. I guess he really wanted Justin Long’s eyes. UGH)

Well – there it is – the first edition of “WHY???”. I had fun doing this so I will probably do it again. If anyone ever wants to team up with me for a “WHY??? With Eric and (your blog or name here)” just let me know in the comments or send me an email to ei@theipc.me

Thanks for reading!!

*I have nothing against Canadians – it’s an ongoing joke between me and one of my good friends – who’s Canadian.

66 comments

  1. Now you’re just going crazy for no reason. I watched the both of them recently and while the second one is indeed the better one of the two, the first one is pretty great in itself. It’s wonderfully shot and the monster is awesome. Plus Gina Philips is hot. Plus Victor Salva is a rather good director (just look at Clownhouse) and he has a very good sense of pacing.

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      • Oh sh*t, with all the stuff I’ve been involved in lately I totally forgot about that. As you’ve seen, the updates on my blog are very scarce. But I promise I’ll try to do something about that Hellrasier 3 itch. 😦 Do you hate me? Please don’t hate me, sugar-daddy!!!!111!!!

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  2. I’ve crawled down many sewers in my time so I guess us Canadians aren smart after all. But we are smart enough to realize that this was awesome. Sorry.

    Love this new feature man, leave it to you to come up with a gem of a feature. Count me in please. I would love to do something with you and I think I have a good topic.

    Now, back to my beer and sun.

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    • theipc

      Let’s do it!!!

      As for this movie, I am going to quote Zoe and just say:

      “Are you sure?”

      and add: “I think you’ve had too many Mooseheads out in the sun, my good friend.”

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  3. Ah, Eric, this was a thing of beauty to read. Again, entertaining, and a pretty cool feature. I must say, logic was not very high up on the list when the script was penned.

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    • theipc

      I think this reply gets the Office Space ” uhhhhhhhhh yeeeaaaahhhhhhh” treatment. This movie may look nice but = not so good IMO. I did like the horror elements that were put out there but things like the Creeper ripping people’s heads off and whistling old 30s tunes??? WHY?????????

      And why the hell did he have all of those people stitched together?????? That just made no sense….

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      • You are spot on with it looking like it could have potential but then just having way too much silly shit stacked up against it. Ah, the grotesque Sistene Chapel… that looked so godawful! Both of these movies lacked any and all kinds of logic and sense – completely!

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      • theipc

        I’m still up for 2. I don’t know where it is in my Netflix queue. I moved some other stuff up to the front the other week because they seemed more interesting. I won’t forget : )

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  4. I only have an answer to one for one of your questions. Dusters are awesome. If you’re going to be a bad guy and don’t have a lot of expendable income, go for the thrift store duster. It’s a nice cheap way to look badass.

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  5. Apparently I’m the only person on earth who kind of enjoyed that movie. I thought the license plate was HILARIOUS. I’m not saying it was a GOOD scary movie, but I had fun with it. But you’re right, what imbecile goes back to the sewer to see what’s up? To be fair, I never liked Justin Long anyway so it didn’t bother me too much. I was kind of hoping he’d get killed immediately.

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    • theipc

      HA!!! I actually think a lot of people like this more than not. I was just irritated with these two blockheads from the opening minute and it just got me in the mood of “This sucks”.

      LOL – Long was SO whiny and pathetic…. UGH!

      Thanks for the comment!!

      Like

  6. My Brother-in-law and his girlfreind are driving from NY to FL in a couple of weeks in a car that I wouldn’t trust to take me to the corner bar… so it does happen, especially with them young uns’. I think the monster was original enough that most people overlook the faults… like the pardons you give when watching a godzilla movie 🙂

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  7. I always go crawling around in drainage pipes and the such after almost being murdered to find out just what the hell’s going on and I’m American. Curiousity killed the cat, man, simple as that. :-p That said, the song in this movie creeped me the fuck out, maybe cause I wasn’t familiar with it? And that last shot of the movie was AWESOME. Yes, it’s totes silly but I’ve seen worse. Much worse. I actually have the double feature of this and the 2nd, just haven’t watched the 2nd yet…uh-oh…do I smell another He Said/She Said??? 😉

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  8. davecrewe

    Yeah, I’m with you man, I hated this film. I actually quite liked the first act – sure, it’s dumb as hell to go back and investigate the guy’s yard, but I can accept some abject stupidity from my horror protagonists as long as the movie doesn’t expect to sympathise with them. So I thought that was kinda interesting, and I thought the fact that they got away from his house was actually an interesting decision.

    And then the movie just falls in a fuckin’ heap. Like, if you want to make it a supernatural movie, fine. But a completely indestructible, bizarrely arbitrary monster is not scary – you need some sense of tension not “oh this will just fuck them up because of course it will.” The random psychic. The stupid “oh no the song is playing bit.” Ugh. Every time the film explained something it just became dumber and dumber and dumber until the spectacular stupid last half. At least the bit with the guy on the car in the background was sweet.

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  9. Agree. Watching Jeepers Creepers is like being smacked in the face by someone swinging a bag full of bird shit and fish guts. I fucking hated it when I saw it in the cinema. As I went through the foyer afterwards, I tore posters off the wall, and knocked a bucket of popcorn out of someone’s hand.

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    • theipc

      “As I went through the foyer afterwards, I tore posters off the wall, and knocked a bucket of popcorn out of someone’s hand.”

      That, my monkey friend, is the very definition of “Cinematic Passion”.

      Like

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