As we all know, there will always be struggles:
Good vs. Evil
Man vs. Gods
Earth Colonies vs. The Borg Collective
Citizens vs. Tax Collectors
Night Watch vs. Day Watch
True Blood vs. Twilight
Humans vs. M. Night Shyamalan
Hard Ticket to Home Video vs. Canadians
Me vs. Catalin
Eventually these conflicts may work themselves out… it may take years or eons but, these things tend to eventually come to a conclusion and peace is restored. But one thing will always remain eternal, until the universe peters out and existence is forgotten: which was the worst exorcism movie – THE LAST EXORCISM or THE DEVIL INSIDE? As someone very influential to me once said, “Every movie is someone’s favorite”, but the general consensus I have found regarding these two movies are that they are generally reviled by everyone. I once went on to Tyson’s page and said that I didn’t think THE DEVIL INSIDE was totally terrible and he made fun of me to my face saying something like “I’ve NEVER heard anyone defend this!!!!!!!!!!!” which I wasn’t “defending”, so to speak, I was just saying “It wasn’t THAT bad”, but, oh well.
Anyway. This morning I gathered up all of my prayer cloths and chicken bones, my crystal ball(s) and my sacred monolith, barricaded myself in my office at work and summoned an incarnation of myself from the future. Handsome and Romanesque, I appeared before myself and I asked what the future foresaw for The Great Question. I informed myself that the matter was resolved in the year 2178 when, after the global economy eventually collapsed and the world devolved into chaos and pain, the descendants of Tyson Carter and Mark Walker merged into a unified front, sacked the Temple of Solomon, unearthed what was buried underneath and subsequently pillaged and conquered Europe and Asia, leaving the rest of the world in a state of dismal suffering. Declaring the population of Earth under their control, they held a conclave at the Chartres Cathedral and concluded that neither of those was the worst exorcism movie ever produced, it was, in fact, THE LAST EXORCISM PART 2.
“Riddled with absolutely nothing of value,” they decreed, “This movie of people bending over serves as one of the worst productions ever issued. Although the producers move from a shitty episode of shaky cam and winks at the camera to a stable-image technique shot, there is nothing of value between the two credit sequences to merit any watching, whatsoever.”
After a quick smoke break, the two of us continued. “Further,” I reported to myself, “the conclave determined that the acting and gimmickry involved in THE LAST EXORCISM PART 2 was so pandering and sad that all copies, digital or otherwise, shall immediately be destroyed and this film shall be stricken from The Permanent Record.”
“The Permanent Record,” I told myself, “Was an enormous digital compilation of writing from a number of sources, called “THE BOOFS” (THE BROTHERHOOD OF ORDERLY FILM SOCIETY) including and not limited to:
ISAACS PICTURE CONCLUSIONS : )
(and if I have missed anyone you have no idea how sorry I am – I am old and frequently tired. If you would like to join the Official Registry of THE BOOFS, please politely remind me)
And please enjoy the beautiful THE BOOFS Crest:
Having spent a considerable amount of time linking to all of those beautiful sites, myself and I were exhausted so we left the office, went to the local bar and started drinking Boilermakers. After a few had been put down, my future self turned to me and asked “Wait, if I am spiritual manifestation of you from the future, how can I be sitting at the bartop, physically drinking beer???” and then he disappeared and stuck me with the fucking tab. And that’s about how you will feel if you take the chance on this one – stuck with a fucking tab you don’t deserve to have to pay for. Like when you have a few people over and this girl you used to hang out with comes over, drunk, and demands that we all go to this expensive Japanese restaurant where she’ll buy everyone a nice supper and then she gets too drunk at dinner to pay or even eat and your friend has to take her home and you’re stuck with the entire fucking thing. Don’t do it, the experience is worse than having to take a shit in public.
Have a good weekend!!