Hello again – if you missed my previous three installments of this franchise, they can be found here if you feel like looking at them:
and if you don’t want to, that’s totally your prerogative and I understand since this has nothing to do with any of the first three except for the two words “prom night”.
~ SPOILERS UP IN HERE ~
This time around we fire up in the early 60s and begin with a priest going on and on and on about how much he hates fornicating and fornicators and all of that shit to a statue of Jesus Christo.
Queue up “Prom Night” and a couple of fucking sinners head out to do the devil’s business in the back of a Studebaker Little do these two minions of Satan know what’s in store for them for breaking the laws of God:
“ALL SINNERS GO TO HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” screams the priest (or something like that) and slices their necks and blows up their car for good measure. That’ll teach ’em. Turns out the head of this church finds out about it and locks the guy up in the church basement, drugging him every day for 30 years until he looks like this:
Sweet. Next up we find the cute girl from CUBE lunching forlornly at a picnic table. I think she’s forlorn because her boyfriend wants to do it with her but she’s a virgin and barely let’s him get to second base. Thinking about that, that’s a term we used as kids growing up over here in the States and it stands for fondling boobs. Third would be the WAHOO!!!! and hitting the Home Run would be actually putting your little pee pee inside the WAHOO!!! LOL I’m so stupid.
Anyway, that’s all gonna change because her BFF talks her into going all the way so they do some dress up:
and head out to these two lucky boy’s parent’s summer home for some wining and dining and hopefully sixty-nining.
It seems that in my stupid rambling about sex I forgot to mention that hairy preist. Well – the other priest that locked him up retired and handed over the keys to a new guy. The new guy is a big puss / wimp and basically sets the guy free so Madman Priest kills a trucker who talks about having sex, a kid peeping on the blond girl and her man doing it up against a wall and then crucifies the two fornicators and sets them on fucking fire.
I am not 100% sure why he wants to kill the remaining two people since they DIDN’T do it, poor guy, but the rest of the movie is kind of a chase through the house, the basement and even the roof. OUCH!!!
Eventually, the girl who would go on to do CUBE ends up in the filled-with-gas-cans woodshed, catches the mother fucker on fire and the whole thing explodes. One thing’s for sure – I know that if I had a woodshed, that is totally where I would keep all of my cans of gas… TOTES.
I know my friend DAVE (click for his thoughts) didn’t care much for this one but I didn’t think it was too bad. There’s not much action, I can promise you that. There’s some blood, some boobs, some gore and some Canadians but I didn’t think it was too bad. It was definitely better than the third one. I know they made a PG-13 Prom Night remake but I don’t think I’ll ever go watch it – so, I guess this is adios for the Prom Night franchise. It’s been fun. I’m glad we got to second base. Smooch.