While I have never been to England, from watching movies, I have learned that I think they can show sex on TV there. With that said, my impression of this is an English made for TV film. It’s got a couple of bloody parts, some sex but not nudity (except for this one unfortunate shot of a dude’s giant dingus) and a whole lot of are-they-or-are-they-not hallucination scenes. In the end, you could think to yourself, hmmm that’s kind of clever, but then, when you throw in one last part it doesn’t make sense, and left me with a feeling of BLAH but i-guess-it-wasn’t-as-bad-as BLOODY MURDER, for example. Spoilers in this one.
Here’s the plot: at some point in the past a foot licking (yes) serial killer murdered four pot smoking, fornicating English teens out in an field somewhere. Present day, good looking American wife married to bad acting English husband move into a mansion in the English countryside so she can finish up her next horror book. Before too long she starts to have visions no one else can see which causes the husband and her publisher to question her sanity and hope she doesn’t go into Brain Shut Down again. That’s their words. Apparently she went into Brain Shut Down at some point in the past but now she’s OK – or is she?????????????
As these visions get violently (but not bloodily) worse she happens to run across a grizzled bad boy gatekeeper screwing some blond out on the grounds. This gate keeper then chases her around for a bit and then goes off and shows her his enormous weenus. To me, logically, this would be a call for her NOT to invite him for a dinner of stew and secret ingredient hallucinogenic mushrooms, but she does a few scenes later anyway (and she bops him) You crazy English!
Sooooooo…. As we round up to the end, her husband is involved with some sort of hooker, her visions are out of control and she accidentally stabs the gatekeeper which gets her committed to the local Insane Asylum. SPOILERS here: since she is committed, her husband gets all of the profits of the book she wrote, which was a story about herself and her strange visions. It goes international and he is set to go live in hog heaven with his hooker babe. He sells the house and we learn that the new residents are the people from her visions! Weird! He gets in his car! OH NO! The serial killer we forgot about an hour and fifteen minutes ago is hiding in the backseat! He kills the husband! He heads into the house! Her visions were true! AY YAYAYAYAY!!!!!!
I think you’re probably safe to skip this one unless you just have an itch to watch a mediocre movie. If you have that itch, you might want to head to the local 24 hour clinic and have that looked at. It could be contagious. Or Scabies.
On another note, I’d like to pat myself on the butt a little bit. A few years ago, the wife and I went off and spent a lot of money on some couches for our living room. The other week, the love seat of the pair broke inside and rendered it unsittable. Usually in these types of situations I either throw something broken into the fucking trash or, in a case like this, would call in our hippie carpenter friends to come fix it. I’m currently in a state of mind to save money and not spend everything I get in my paycheck so Sunday I grabbed myself by the nuts and sat down to fix the damned thing.
It took me about an hour to fix the supporting brace but I got it done and was then faced with shoving the fucking springs back into place. After about another hour of ripping my left hand to pieces, I got smart and used a 1×4 to shove those miserable pieces of metal up into the couch with one hand and screwed the board to the brace with the other – which must have been quite a sight. After getting them slightly stable and not poking me in my hand, I took a three beer break and went back to work.
Having had some beers I sat down and thought to myself, “I never want to do this again” so I spent another hour or two fortifying that mother fucker with dozens of pieces of leftover lumber. I didn’t think about taking a picture of it and already stapled the bottom cloth back to it, but let’s just say that it could possibly be the most solid piece of furniture in the city where I live.
Anyway – there you have it – A Tuesday Tale of Triumph!!