Isaacs Picture Conclusions

MERIDIAN (1990) ONE MISERABLE TOP HAT

MERIDIAN1990A

The other day I was in the mood to watch something shitty so I put on my uranium handling gloves, reached into the SHITFEST box and boy did I strike gold shit.  I really don’t know much about Charles Band and his monster movies but this was totally stupid, boring, ridiculously full of itself and, aside from getting a chance to see Sherilyn Fenn’s boobs, once again, this is of no value to you or anyone else. Not even Scrotey… I wouldn’t even give this to him in his Christmas Box. Well, maybe I would. That’s gonna depend on how many atrocities he commits against me this year. Let’s check his tic sheet…:

SCROTEYS TIC SHEET

That’s not looking good… poor ole Scrotey. Unlike last week’s AFTER DARK MY SWEET which also came out in 1990, this is a terrible piece of 90s horseshit that sets a couple of American girls in some castle somewhere overseas from me, involves an actor playing two twin brothers from a Renaissance Fair, a dwarf that I thought was Kramer’s stunt double from Seinfeld (but isn’t), terrible camera work, horrible sets, poor special effects, a miserable musical score and lines like this: “I can’t kill you because you’re my brother and I love you. But I HATE you.

MERIDIAN2

I’ve only seen Fenn in a couple of things so I can’t go off and say that she’s a terrible actress but she monotones the shit out of every line in here; sure she takes off her blouse a few times but that’s not saving this thing. There’s also nothing outstanding about anything else in here except for maybe the opening credits slo-mo scene that was kind of reminiscent of some of the slo-mo scenes in LEGEND but, after thinking about that for ten seconds, the answer to that is “no it wasn’t, shut your fucking mouth Isaacs”.

MERIDIAN3When I do a google search for images of this movie there are only a handful out there. The one above, a more risque version of the one above and an image of the chick below with her tits out (and a few others mind you) (not tits, other screen captures). I could go back and find stupid imagery of what’s in this movie and make my own grabs but this doesn’t deserve a second watch or any of my time, fiddling through it to get what I want. I promise you this sucked and, if I need some filler for SHITFEST FALL – this will be there.

MERIDIAN5

REMINDER!! SHITFEST FALL deadline is coming up!!! I know it’s still early and everyone is off using their summer days out of school to harvest wheat and work in the fields (because that’s what happens where I live – kids get three months off in the summer, like it’s the 1900s) (just kidding) but I only have a couple of entries in my pocket and I don’t want to do a month of my own posts. If we can’t get enough entries we can always postpone it but – COME ON!!! LET’S GO!! BRING IT!! There’s a cash or physical prize!!! Hypnotoad says: “THWUBWUBDOTHWUBWUBITTHWUBWUBDOTHWUBWUBITTHWUBWUBDOTHWUBWUBITTHWUBWUBDOTHWUBWUBITTHWUBWUBDOTHWUBWUBITTHWUBWUB“.

MERIDIAN4

37 comments

  1. LOL! I love it when you review horrible movies! Always entertaining 🙂
    BTW, my Shitfest entry is coming soon! I promise! I just have to choose one to watch and hit the jackpot…since I’m doing recommendations month…luckily my boyfriend screened through most of it and has given me some top shitfest material suggestions 😉

    Like

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