Isaacs Picture Conclusions

JEEPERS CREEPERS 2 (2003) THREE TOP HATS

JEEPERS2A

LOL – I don’t now what language that movie poster is but it’s the only one I could find that was large enough to fit my theme. Rock on Mr. Creeper! Back in June, our main South African ZOE posted about Jeepers Creepers and I said something like “I haven’t seen these in years but I think I thought the first one was stupid but liked the second one” and she volleyed with something like “Are you sure, you stupid dumbass??” (just kidding she’s nice and would never say that I don’t think) but it challenged me to give them a shot. I absolutely hated the first one and wrote about it HERE and then gave the second one a go.

kinopoisk.ru

FALL FASHION 2013: HAUTE COUTURE FOR THE RICH AND FUCKING FAMOUS

While I still don’t understand why he wears a duster and pants, gone is the idiotic and ridiculous nonsense where drives around in a old fucking truck with a vanity license plate and gone is the fact that there was no reason for anything he was doing in the first movie. And – while I liked this tremendously more than the first fucker, there’s still some problems with this one like: why is he filled with what looks like shredded cardboard stuffing?? And: why did the director really think it was necessary to have those kids on the bus singing their fight song for what seemed to be 40 straight minutes?? And: why did Justin Long have a tattoo of a ROSE around his belly button???? Other than that and the fact that it seemed like it was 14 hours long, it wasn’t too bad and I always like some Ray Wise.

JEEPERS2C

“I’LL BE TAKING YOUR LEG, YOUR ARM, YOUR THIGH AND YOUR PEE PEE.”

This time they explain that he gets let out of wherever he lives every 23 years to feed… ON YOU!!!! They also get off and let us know that he kills other certain people because he needs a part of them – like a head or an arm. This one also has Ray Wise as a distraught father whose son is taken by the creature so he fights back. This is certainly not scary in any way but, compared to the first one, this is a miracle. Unfortunately, like him or not, we do have to spend a little time with Justin Long again who has eyeballs sometimes and then sometimes he doesn’t.

JEEPERS2D

NOTICE THAT MANLY TAT

l don’t think there’s much else to say about this one. A group of adults playing teenagers and a couple of adults playing adults are trapped on a bus so they have an explicit, triple X-Rated orgy complete with super slow motion money shots before getting picked off one by one by the blue monster man. Eventually, Wise constructs a giant, mechanical dong out of spare metal parts he has in his barn and captures the Creeper with the lure of intense butt sex. Elsewhere, people in undisclosed locations across the planet who want to beat their meat will find this post using Google and search terms created from  words used in my last few sentences.

P.S. Not much of that last paragraph is true. (Except for that last sentence).

64 comments

  1. Zoë

    BWAHAHAHA! Glad you got to this one finally, and as always, another incredibly amusing post. I see that you still prefer this one, though it seems that they have both entered into your “why” category. I will never understand the tattoo… but alright with that one. I can see this one becoming a very popular post by accident what with the last paragraph of this all haha!

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  2. Smash

    I’m glad to see that the duster is still in action! But that is just the worst looking monster of all time. He looks like Hellboy and the Creature From the Black Lagoon had a butt sex baby.

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    • GaryLee828

      I’m actually in agreement with Film Hipster here. I liked both of these films, granted they had their flaws, but overall I thought were good…

      And I don’t care what anyone says…that scene on part 1 where Justin Long and the girl are driving by and look over to catch the killer dumping that body in the well and then the killer glances up and stares straight at them was genius directing! One of the most chilling moments I’ve ever seen in a horror movie; THAT is how you direct horror!

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  7. Nick Powell

    Jeepers Creepers was another series I thought could be an awesome edition to the horror genre and really build up a worthwhile franchise. The first film was great, and had an awesome villain, but this one I think really fell flat. I know you review films as a fan of this genre, but from the outside looking in, I really wish it was stronger.

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  10. davecrewe

    Nice post! I definitely want to get around to seeing this one even though I also hated the first – hopefully it’s as funny as your write-up. I am completely confused as to how Justin Long could be in the sequel, but I guess I’ll watch it and find out.

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  13. jpthorn

    This one had many sketchy elements, to say the least, but all in all had a lot to like as well, with some decent action. The opening was the most memorable part of the flick, without a doubt in my mind. Overall though, I think I still prefer the first flick.
    Funny post as always!

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