Isaacs Picture Conclusions

SHITFEST 2013: FALL ~ A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET (2010)

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BY: THE SPORADIC CHRONICLES OF A BEGINNER BLOGGER

ZOE BANNER

A Nightmare On Elm Street 2010 poster

I am not even going to go into what this story is about, because it was supposed to be about Freddy Kruger, right? Right? Erm, whatever. Everyone knows what Freddy is supposed to be about.

There will always be someone that wants to remake something or reboot a franchise. There will always be that one guy that insists on re-exploring something, for better or worse. A Nightmare On Elm Street (2010) was just such an endeavour. In all fairness, let us begin with what was right with this movie – nothing.

So now that we have that out of the way we can begin a totally unbiased and completely well-adjusted bitch session about all the things that were wrong with this movie, which was in shocking abundance.

For one – Freddy used to be funny! Funny in that dark, messed up, cheesy horror kind of way. That was Freddy. Then apparently it was a good idea to throw almost two decades worth or character out the window and introduce this appallingly bad, bland, no good, two-bit Freddy Krueger. Pffffffff. Since when was he supposed to be so hardcore and overly serious? When did that become acceptable in the Krueger-realm of nightmares?

The voice. Oh, I have to add this to the list. That voice was just… like a face palm each and every time Jackie Earle Haley opened his mouth. I want to blame him, but he is also just playing the role that was given to him. But truly, a little more grace? Nothing made me giggle about Freddy in this one, but nothing made me want to run screaming (in terror, for the record), either – except if it was to escape the atrocity of a film. If you go from dark humour to serious, do it properly, don’t be so damn desperate about it!

freddies

I had some major issues with the new look. Granted, I understand that it is supposed to look more accurate for a burn victim, more realistic and all that, but come on! There was pretty much nothing of the original concepts left. Freddy was different in each and every movie that he did, sure, but really?! This is what it boils down to? Really?! You cannot change something that radical twenty six years later!

I really would have thought that with the modern technology that we have today that the dream sequences would have been incredible, fresh, new and gorgeous, and far more terrifying (even if they totally messed up everything else). Hell no, I could not have been more wrong even if I tried my worst. There really is not a single saving grace for this.

nightmare on elm street 2010

“Did you know that after the heart stops beating the brain can function for well over seven minutes? We got six more minutes to play.” – Freddy. Yep, that was me, quaking in my boots!

The creators went out of their way to revolutionize the franchise unnecessarily, and it bombs more often than not, and it is not something that you miss, either. Please, people, why mess with a good thing?! They blatantly ripped through old material, and just regurgitated it, almost as though it was supposed to be fresh. It was not. It was simply copied and pasted from the old movies, such as the human pinball bouncing off the walls scene, the dragging body bag, the clawed bubble bath scenes… just why would you do something like that? Don’t even try to sell me that homage crap! Then there were all the stolen lines, and used completely out of context. I know that this is supposed to be a collaboration of the new and the old but what the hell? Nothing fresh, nothing new and the desecration of the old classics? What did they think they were bringing to the table?

Another big thing… no more “bitch” after lines for Freddy? Who is this guy?!

Then there was the defilement of the Freddy Krueger history… damn. Last I checked, he was bust for killing kidlets, his wife and daughter suffered, the mother was killed, he went to stand trial, he got off on a technicality, and the residents of Elm Street unanimously decided to take justice into their own hands and burn the monster! What is this bullshit that there were some people that were intent on defending the guy? They felt bad about their very own little witch hunt? That they pitied him? That he stood no trial, that he was not officially arrested and accused? Pfffff. Almost two decades of logic, eight films and back story that was just binned because fuck it?! WHY?!

Robert Englund is not someone that is just dethroned from the striped sweater and fedora kingdom. Especially not after his long and successful run with the character, through both the good and the bad scripts.

This was just an absolute disaster. I really cannot find anything that I feel like highlighting in here except that it is truly preposterous and should be avoided at any and all cost. I feel guilty just giving it a 2/10.

NO FROG

The entire duration of the movie went something like this…

79 comments

  4. lukebbtt

    “Let’s start by talking about the good things: Nothing.”

    I laughed. Great review. Sadly with current events, now should be the right time to bring out a Freddy Kruger movie, but quite frankly I don’t have faith in the producers.

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    • Zoë

      😀 I am glad to hear that.

      I would love it if they just did it right. I mean I really thought with the technology and all that that the dream sequences would have been astounding. Instead, we got a massively terrible disappointment.

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  6. table9mutant

    I freaked out for the tiniest second before seeing “2010”. 🙂 This movie pissed me off. Not because it was bad (which it was) but because it was so completely pointless! Don’t get me started on remakes. Why do they feel the need to take a good thing and destroy it?! The Nightmare On Elm Streets were my favorite of the 80’s slashers, mainly because Freddy was such a great baddie. They completely ruined him! Never mind – I’ll shut up and just say great review & I totally agree with you. 😉

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  7. Wednesday's Child

    My son came home from a recent trip to his dad’s jabbering about having watched the 2010 Nightmare, and I was slightly concerned that he was already watching Nightmare movies, but pissed that this one was his introduction to the series! So I thought, what the hell, I was 9 in 1984 when the original came out and I turned out fine, and I showed him part 3 (since that one’s more goofy than scary), just to make things right for him to know Freddy as he should! He loved it, although he did get kind of hung up trying to make logical sense of things, but there were no freakouts or bad dreams. Whew, disaster averted.

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  8. Smash

    I caught this one on the big screen when it came out, and I’m probably just way more of a wiener than you regular horror watchers but this iteration of Freddy was scary to me. The blatant child molestation and pervertedness was disturbing. It had been a long time since I’d seen the original, but I didn’t and still don’t remember it being that disgusting with the way the kids were treated. And the opening scene where he cut through that guy’s neck in the diner… I almost puked in my popcorn, but like I said I’m a wiener.

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  9. CMrok93

    Nice review Zoe. God, this movie blew. It wasn’t even a remake that tried either, it was just jump-scare after jump-scare. Even worse, Rooney Mara actually did this. What the hell?!?!

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  14. Monkeyboy

    Every review should have a frog with its arms crossed at the end of it.

    Y’know, I’m sure I’ve seen this movie, but I’m not sure. I don’t remember a single thing about it. That new Freddy face does look shit though. Like a KFC chicken nugget.

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  17. Kim @ Tranquil Dreams

    LOL! That frog pic cracked me up! Loved the review! I haven’t seen any Nightmare on Elm Street but recently purchased it 🙂 Chances are I’ll watch it for Halloween marathon over at my blog 🙂 I’ll take your word for it and not watch the remake EVER!

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  20. Parlor of Horror

    Oh, how did I miss this one! This is one of the worst remakes ever and worthy of shitfest for sure! I think you were too nice in this review for not completely using expletives for every sentence. But this may get my vote for shitfest… absolutely horrible flick. Great choice.

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    • Zoë

      Oh, how did I miss this comment?! I am so sorry! Trust me, my language was far saltier when watching, then I had to type, and go over everything, and clean it up and, and, and! 😛

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  22. Pingback: Guest Post: A Nightmare on Elm Street (2010) – An email discussion | Beermovie.net

  23. Pingback: JB & The Chop Do: A Nightmare On Elm Street (2010) | The Sporadic Chronicles of a Beginner Blogger

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