Isaacs Picture Conclusions

SHITFEST 2013: FALL ~ NINE MONTHS

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BY: MR RUMSEY’S FILM RELATED MUSINGS

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NINE MONTHS

NINEMONTHS

SHITFEST – Nine Months

I did not plan on seeing this movie. It just so happened to be on TV one evening, I stumbled across it, and was instantly transfixed by how God awful it was. Hugh Grant plays a child psychologist who doesn’t fare well around children, which is pretty stupid as a character trait, and is unfunny as joke in the film – but anyway, he then finds out that his girlfriend is pregnant, and has to try and grow up over the course of the film. This set up allows the movie to bounce around between gross displays of schmaltzy melodrama, farcical slapstick, and preachy lessons in family values. On top of this mix we have Hugh Grant at his most sickening and unconvincing – and I’m someone who actually enjoys him in films like Notting Hill. By the point Robin Williams turns up and thoroughly embarrasses himself I didn’t think I could stand it any longer, but then the film delivered its killer blow. I arrived a little late to this film and so wasn’t prepared for the fact that Grant’s wife was played by none other than Julianne Moore – my all-time favourite actress.

After the shock of seeing Moore in this film, and the even greater shock of seeing her be far from convincing in it, I realised that I had to see this one through to the end just to see if there is anything redeemable in it. There isn’t. The humour in this film is so incredibly badly handled; it falls flat 99% of the time and significantly undercuts what should be emotionally resonant scenes. Also, the climax to this film is excruciatingly painful to witness. It’s disturbing to see actors like Robin Williams and Julianne Moore being thrown into a scene that is so chaotic, badly scripted, and unfunny that it genuinely physically hurt to see it happen.

I hate to include a film that stars my favourite actress into Shitfest – but this one deserves it. Horrendously two dimensional characters, a weak script, and poor attempts at humour make Nine Months undoubtedly one to skip.

58 comments

  1. This movie is just godawful. Boring, unfunny, embarrassing, and unnecessary. The worst part is that it came out when America was still enamoured with Grant after Four Weddings (not to mention that people were in that brief window where they found Tom Arnold funny, and Robin Williams wasn’t considered creepy yet) so the moviegoing public was ready to like almost anything from this group of people. And this was the best that everyone involved could do? Ugh. Good choice for Shitfest.

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    • Oh yeah! I forgot Tom Arnold was in this! I was trying to figure out who the annoying brother-in-law was and I couldn’t remember who played him. All I could remember was that the character was a blatant rip-off of the Cousin Eddie character from the Vacation franchise.
      I think the only thing enjoyable about this movie is the mildly perverted Jeff Goldblum.

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  2. Good choice for Shitfest. 🙂 It’s movies like these that piss me off the most – ones with big stars so that we’re maybe fooled into actually watching them! I think I saw it or at least most of it on TV once. Luckily, I watch a lot of movies so the memory of this one has almost entirely faded.

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  3. I remember seeing this shortly after it came out on VHS (eeeek). Literally the only think I remember is Robin Williams saying, in a Russian accent, to a pregnant woman: “Now place your feet in the stirrups and I will take a look at your Volvo.”
    That’s comedy. Right?

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  4. GaryLee828

    I saw this when it first came out and didn’t even remember Jeff Goldblum or Robin Williams was in it; the only thing I remember from the entire movie was when the protagonist couple were about to have sex, and the baby kicked, so Julianne Moore decided she’d rather lay down and feel if the baby kicked again instead of having sex, and Grant faking his enthusiasm. I thought that scene was funny. But other than that my mind draws a blank. I didn’t think it was shitfest material, or at least not at the time of seeing it. I may feel different now, though. If you thought that Robin Williams, Jeff Goldblum and Julianne Moore in a movie like this was a shocker, look who composed the score: non-other than the Gladiator, Dark Knight, Man of Steel composer Hans Zimmer. Zimmer composing the score was the only other thing I remember about this film. He also composed “Driving Miss Daisy”; it’s cool to see a composer being able to cross genres so well. Even if you hated “Nine Months” Zimmer still turned in a stellar score, as he always does.

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  5. Never seen this one and kind of happy to say I think I’ve only seen like two Hugh Grant movies, lol. I dunno, I’ve never understood his appeal and the types of movies he does just aren’t for me. Great review though!! 🙂

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