I know that no one out there is going to believe me when I say that I watched this for a different reason than just thinking there was a chance to see Silverstone’s jugs, but I really had a different motive. I don’t read as many books as I used to, mainly because I spend all of my time reading YOUR blogs, but when I do / did my favorite author is a guy named Gene Wolfe. He does mostly Sci – Fi (deep, thick, enriching Sci – Fi) so when I dabble into other formats, my favorite author would be a fellow named Robert Coover. Technically, he’s probably classified as “literature” but his shit is more “Experimental Writing” and it’s usually pretty entertaining. Some of his stuff is so experimental that it’s too confusing and difficult to read but sometimes he tones it back a little and has put out collections of short stories. They can get a little confusing too but one of my favorites of his is “The Babysitter”. It’s written in a way that you don’t really know what’s going and your brain has to really work to get everything figured out, but it’s definitely one of his best.
I don’t remember how I found out about this but I was very surprised to learn that THAT story had been made into a movie. So I rented it, watched it and this is how I think this probably went down.
Movie Executive 1: (getting a B.J. under the table, having a 100 year old Scotch, reading People magazine): This Clueless chick’s a hot piece of ass.
Movie Executive 2: (snorting cocaine, lights cigar): How can we get her naked?
*Time passes, ejaculates are issued*
Movie Executive 1: (Zipping up $900 dollar pants, smoothing his hair back) Fuck if I know. (punches intercom) Lisa! Get me that fucking hippy intern!!”
The intercom crackles: *KKZZAAACCKK* Yes sir Mr. W__________.
*Moments pass before the intern comes barging through the door, ponytail flipping around, jeans frayed, plaid flannel shirt unbuttoned revealing counter-culture band logo printed tee*
Movie Executive 1: Chris. Sit down M’boy. Sit down. That’s a good boy.
Chris the Intern: Thank you, sir. I can’t wait to make it big in Pictures.
Movie Executive 1: What are all the kids about today?
Chris the Intern: Well. We’re all really filled with Disassociation and Angst. Society is reall-
Movie Executive 2: Fuck it, H______!! My wife was reading some book in bed and it got her so horny we balled all night. Called “The Babysitter” or some such shit. Let me get a copy of it.
Movie Executive 1: You’re a fucking genius B__! That’s why I love you! *Turns to Chris* You!! OUT!!!
*Intern walks out of room*
Movie Executive 1: *addressing Chris* And get a fucking haircut!!! *pause* AND PUT ON A NECKTIE!!!
*A $3,000 bottle of champagne is opened*
Movie Executive 1: *Clinks glasses* And that’s how we make pitchas!!!
This story revolves around Silverstone as a babysitter, her boyfriend, her boyfriend’s bad-boy friend, the dad and one of the kids she’s babysitting. They all have the hots for her and the written story sees them fantasizing about her – but he never tells you what’s real and what’s not – so this would be a very challenging thing to pull off. Plus it’s kind of erotic so is Silverstone going to take it all off and have The Sex?
Nope. That pic above is about as risky as it gets. Then you throw in some terrible 90’s fashion and hairdos, muddle the plot with bad cuts to fantasies, add in a sex scene with – wait for it – GEORGE SEGAL!!! – and this is a big, lame, boring mess. This is probably one to skip unless you’re, say, a Silverstone purist. Or you love Nicky Katt. Or you want to see J.T. Walsh act drunk. Or you want to see Segal pounding away at Lee Garlington. And if that last clause suits you…. *shudders*……