Isaacs Picture Conclusions

YELLOWBRICKROAD (2010) TWO TOP HATS

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Here’s another reprint since I am currently convalescing after my vacation…

This movie gets a big WTF. Billed as a horror movie, the trailer really made this look good, but as usual I have to remember that there’s a reason this didn’t make it to the movie theater and remember that FROZEN style lightning strikes very rarely. The opening credits and the first thirty minutes of YELLOWBRICKROAD are pretty good, even offering a very gruesome and surprisingly fresh death scene. But from there, for real, the next HOUR is SO BORING i could barely pay attention, then we get to about ten minutes of “kinda cool” then a ridiculously stupid ending. There is a part in this, where they meet up with a “scarecrow” but it looks nothing like the half naked woman in the poster (it is a woman’s corpse and her mangled face falls off) – someone should sue for the false representation there.  I am sure the ending was supposed to some profound mind-play but, really, I am sure i am not the only person who has seen this who cared so little for what happened “at the end of the road” that i gave it absolutely no thought. If you watch this, watch for free and only watch the first 30 minutes – up to the “leg scene” and then you’re good.

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The story goes as follows: in 1940, every resident of Friar, New Hampshire decided to up and leave their town and traverse up a mountain. Turns out only one person survived and he became insane in the membrane (via an old scratchy audio recording). During the cool opening credits, we see pictures of dismembered, butchered bodies lying along the path, documents with lines marked out vis a vis Area 51 (so to speak) and an analog audio recording of some guy screaming “Can’t you hear it!?!?!?!”. Next up – the lead dude is in some sort of abandoned mental institution where a man behind a tarnished glass window slides him the declassified dossier of “Friar” and apologizes to the lead and his family. The lead and his wife (the chick from THE SIGNAL) and their homely friend decide to mount an expedition up the “Friar trail” to see if they, after 70 years, can figure out what really happened to these people.

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So far so good – then we meet the rest of the crew in a coffee shop and, sadly, not a single one of them can deliver dialogue well.  There’s the map maker siblings, the intern, the survivalist, the behavioral psychologist and then the lead and his wife, the book writers. With all of the lead up, we go to the coordinates of the start of the trail which, to their dismay, are inside a movie theater. Foreshadowing? Yes. As the lead already starts to unravel at this horrible luck, fortune steps in and the popcorn girl will tell them where the real trailhead is if they’ll take her along with them… and they’re off! Soon, as they ascend the mountain, they start to hear music from the 1940’s constantly blaring like thunder and don’t decide to call this off.  Eventually they all go mad in some way and then, after a long, long, long wait consisting of loud saxophones and bad delivery, the movie is finally over.

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Two top hats for the opening credits, the “leg scene” and the ten minute (or so) montage near the very end.

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