Isaacs Picture Conclusions



For long term readers, you might remember I used to do a series called LET’S SNEAK IN TO THE DRIVE-IN! Well those were pretty fun and I spun that off into another website and kept it up for about a year but it’s been difficult keeping up two sites and those posts were hard to do. I’m not going to quit the site or anything but I haven’t had the motivation to do all of those screenshots but maybe sometime soon I’ll get back into it. Anyway, I just watched this movie called FATAL PURSUIT and I want to talk about it because it was terrible yet somehow fun so let’s sneak back in to the drive-in and see what we have here. For anyone that wanted to look at some of these older posts out here, you can see how to do it by looking at this terrible rendering of a graphic using Microsoft Paint:

stupid pic

If I look back in time to 1998 – that was a pretty bleak time for me. I was working in this god damned restaurant 16 hours a day, seven days a week making beans for money, drinking all day long because I hated my life, the girl I was living with was cheating on me and I never ever talked to any of my friends. But if I remember anything else about the time, I don’t reeeeeeeeaaaaaaaalllllly recall the fashion and hairdo of the age being quiiiiiiiiiiite this glorious heinous:


OUR LEAD: “Moustache rides anyone??? They’re free.”

But it is what it is and we do what we must and here we go. This film starts off with a bang with Malcolm Mcdowell (this has to be the lowest part of his career) and that guy with the biggest jaw ever from Tango and Cash robbing some dude, stealing his briefcase and setting him on fire:


Then the car blows up for some reason and the wheels are really set in motion. In swoops our heroin, heavy chested Shannon Whirry with her strange English accent, looking to hire a Private Eye to go find a missing suitcase full of diamonds.


“Moustache rides, eh?? I’m listening….

Let’s see, what else? I started writing this about a week ago and have since mixed in dozens – I mean a few – beers and a lot of other movies for some things that may or may not be coming your way here on the lovely and CLASSY!!! Isaacs Picture Conclusions website / blog. As in, did someone really just sit through all of those Children of the Corn and Hellraiser movies?? FUCK!! Back to this thing… so Boobs and Mullet track down the burned up car that the police haven’t impounded for some reason, find some sort of fuckin’ clues and go get drunk with Charles Napier at some bar. Boobs McGillicutty has never had Tequila so she gets wasted and passes out so The Stache – I guess – date rapes her because she wakes up the next morning with her underwear off and takes a fully nude shower.


At some point they meet up with Boobs’ employer, Mr. Pennybottom I presume, hide in a trash dumpster where 1) he eats a sandwich that was thrown away – “why waste perfectly good food?” – and 2) she gets a used condom thrown on her head. I also thought that it was either fun or funny that there’s this one scene where they go to the safe shop (as in, we sell safes – not a Safe House shop) in the morning and Boobs is drinking a can of beer – I don’t think that was part of the script – I think that was “HEY!! We’re almost done filming a movie in New Orleans!! GOD DAMN it’s hot down here!!! One more take and it’s a fucking wrap!!! GO GO GO  {SNOOOOOOOOOORT} FUCK!!!!”


Anyhow, this movie is so NOT GOOD but it manages to be a fun time. And by fun, I mean, you get with your friends and every time you see a Stache or a tit, you take a shot. By the end of the thing you won’t care, or be paying any attention and you’ll probably be having a good time.



  1. I’m not sure I remember the fashion either. But the hair? Oh yeah. I remember mullets. I lived mullets. Probably even had one in my youth, though I swear to you, I really do, that I have no memory of it. None whatsoever.

    Just don’t put me under oath. 🙂

    Oh. And one question: “And by fun, I mean, you get with your friends and every time you see a Stache or a tit, you take a shot.” Is there is a movie to which this doesn’t apply?


  2. Hahahahaa “Boobs and Mullet”, if that was referring to one person, I’d say they got the best possible combination of genes from their undoubedtly hick parents.


  3. You are, by far, the FUNNIEST movie reviewer on the Internet. Even when I have never seen and never will see whatever movie you’re talking about, I read anyway because you make me laugh. I need a laugh. Always. Thanks.


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