Isaacs Picture Conclusions

A Day In The Life of a Shitfest Champion

Hey dudes, Smash here reporting for The IPC. Sup?

A couple of weeks ago something exciting happened. I woke up, rubbed the sleep out of my tired eyes, and checked my emails. Much to my delight, I’d gotten something from Isaacs. He told me that I won Shitfest Fall. My jaw actually dropped and I stared at the screen in total shock for a few minutes before it fully registered. I won. I fucking won.

Unbelievable.

I was just in it for a good time and to discover some cool new bloggers. I thought maybe I could provide a chuckle or two then go my merry way. But you dug it. You dug it enough to cast your votes my way, crowning me your Shitfest Champion. Thank you. From the warm and gooey center of my being, I’d like to thank you. Thank you to the people who voted for me, to the people who participated in Shitfest, to the people who leave hilarious comments on this blog, and a major thank you to Isaacs for dreaming this whole thing up.

As the winner, Isaacs and I had to talk about my options: cash or trophy. There ain’t no pride in cash rewards my peeps. It’s all about the trophy for Smash. And so we made it work. Isaacs ordered a beautiful trophy and had it shipped to The Great White North just for me! I was beyond excited when I got home from work one night and found a rather sizeable package waiting for me.

shitfest package

I fucking love opening presents more than anything. The experience of opening this box was akin to the euphoria I feel when I dupe my man into letting me open my Christmas gifts a few weeks early.

It was glorious.

trophy close up

And I couldn’t have been more excited if my life depended on it.

shitfest excitement

Now I know you must be thinking that this victory may have gone to my head. Maybe it’s changed me. Maybe I’m not as grounded as I used to be. Maybe that fun-loving drunk girl went and got all highfalutin on us. Well, I’m here to assure you that such is not the case by giving you a peek into the life of a Shitfest Champion.

I still get up in the morning to enjoy a modest breakfast.

breakfast of champions

And I make sure to get a couple of hours of SNES into my day. I’ve been having a sick DK3 run lately.

SNES

But I also like to get out.

out n about

I still run my own errands, because I like to stay grounded.

grocery shop

I make time for the seasonal activities that I cherish as well.

carving pumpkins

And when I’m tuckered out from a long day of championing all over town, I curl up in bed for a good night’s rest.

sleepy

I’m still the same old Smash I always was, just keeping it real. Only now, I have a new best friend to share all of my adventures with. I love this fucking trophy so much. I’ll be buried with it one day if I’m lucky.

trophy befitting a champion

Winning Shitfest will make you feel indestructible. Probably brilliant too. And super fucking awesome like you can bench press a goddamned gorilla that ate a whole bag of speed. The speed makes him extra squiggly, a more difficult feat than when he’s clean. Winning Shitfest is like living in a Skittles commercial, but instead of Skittles pouring out all over the place you’re tripping on an overload of victory 24/7.

My advice to future Shitfest champions: when you win be cool about it, man. Don’t let that shit go to your head. It’s so easy to get caught up in the superstar bullshit drama when you’re on top of the world. Before you know it, a new season of Shitfest commences and a new champion will arise victorious.

Enjoy this moment in the sun while it lasts. And choose the trophy because cash won’t ever make your win feel as good.

59 comments

  3. Smash

    Reblogged this on Smashing Through Life! and commented:

    Check it out dudes, a little piece I wrote from my buddy over at The IPC. Just my thoughts on how winning Shitfest has been for me so far. Thanks again to Isaacs for letting me enter the contest, and for shipping me a new BFF!

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  4. Wednesday's Child

    This is awesome! I am so happy that you went to the grocery store with that trophy for our amusement. BTW, my husband came home with a VHS of Rumpelstiltskin the other day and I was like, “Oh no, that movie totally won Shitfest, it was so bad it made this blogger curse profoundly and comedically at its awfulness, I can’t believe you brought that in this house!”

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      • GaryLee828

        But there should be a rule in place that strictly prohibits Canadians from winning! Or Frenchmen! So Brian would be disqualified, too!

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    • theipc

      So I just finished The Perfect Host and I have to report back that I didn’t love it. I didn’t really believe in either of the two main characters and then I thought the whole twist thing went on too long and kind of sullied everything that came before. I thought the best part of the movie was when he was walking out of the place where he works and his friends join him.

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      • GaryLee828

        I didn’t think you’d love it like “May” or anything, but I thought you’d like it b/c it’s different; no way you knew who he was when you’re watching the first hour. It was unpredictable and dared to go against typical Hollywood formula. Even if you’re not crazy about it, it’s still a film you should watch since it’s so odd.

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    • Smash

      Thank you, I’m so glad people liked this post. For a minute there I was like “Oh man, people are gunna think I’m like a super weirdo for doing all this stuff” but then I forged ahead anyway because it’s the least I could do to honour this great festival of shitty movies.

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  18. Pingback: Another Year of Awesome! | Smashing Through Life!

  19. Pingback: A DAY IN THE LIFE OF A SHITFEST CHAMPION: WHEN CARA MET MIGUEL | Isaacs Picture Conclusions

  20. garylee828

    Guess what? The Jays are playing the Red Sox and it’s a nationally televised game on ESPN in the States! It’s the first time in years I’ve seen the Jays on ESPN. They’re getting some coverage since they’re improving; they have one of the best offenses in baseball when Encarnacion comes back! 🙂

    Maybe we can squeak out a wildcard spot this year, but even if not they look to be in great position to do something next year for sure. Hopefully we can get another strong pitcher to sign in the off-season. Really just a couple pitchers away from contending for the World Series. We’re close. 🙂

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    • garylee828

      We’re tearing thru Boston’s pitching staff; they’re about to run out of pitchers. It’s 13-0 in the 6th. Toronto has gotten 9 runs this inning. lol.

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      Reply
    • Smash

      Hahaha I love your enthusiasm Gary! And I love that you finally got to enjoy a televised Jays game. Now if only they can keep this momentum up so you can watch a shit ton more games!

      I watched every glorious minute of this game and loved my life. It certainly made up for the brutal beating that Boston dished out to the Jays last week.

      I really hope with all my heart that we can clinch that wild card spot this year. That would be so frigging fantastic. You’d probably have to take a vacation to Toronto to come and watch a playoff game.

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  21. Pingback: THE SHITFEST 2015: CLOSING CEREMONY! | Isaacs Picture Conclusions

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