Isaacs Picture Conclusions

A THANKSGIVING DOUBLE FEATURE (OF CRAP): DARKROOM AND SACRED FLESH

DOUBLEFDARK1

It’s been awhile since I’ve done one of these too… but here we go!! Two movies that aren’t even worth mentioning, but I want to get (mostly) everything I see out here so you can make the decision whether or not to pull the trigger on some boring day when you have nothing to do. DARKROOM has got to be one of the most idiotic, stupid, worthless things I have ever seen. For no fucking point it’s told non-linearly abut some woman who kills her friends in a drunken car wreck. So she winds up at rehab and gets sent to model at some mansion. Things were going OK until, after changing clothes and showing a little boob, she goes to look for someone and ends up trapped in a filthy room watching TV footage of someone getting torture-porned.

DARK2

It makes no fucking goddamned sense at all and at one point she, after escaping through a fucking crawlspace, sees her tormentor’s memories on a different TV… “Christ should be your only superhero!!!” Screams mom at her own offspring. “You’re bleeding from your womb??? You’re a dirty fucking sinner, you slut!!!!!!” She screams at her own daughter. Did they think they were making a good movie??? What the fuck? PASS on this grass. This is a terrible thing. Make the right decision here and don’t do it.

SACRED1

I’m all about nunsploitation movies if they’re done well. This is a terrible, terrible piece of vile, stinking shit that deserves no recognition whatsoever, so here’s a few sentences. This movie sucks donkey cocks and isn’t even exciting-making. Some nun keeps talking to Death in a stupid skull mask about how she feels her nun-sisters’ sexual deviancy. Ok, thanks. This was SOOOOOOOOO stupid and the “nuns” all had giant, fake boobs, trimmed “areas” and even tongue studs. When I was young my Grandma took me to lots of Monasteries and Convents. No one had giant, fake boobs or tongue studs. I actually still have an Emu egg from one of them upstairs. This is in no way believable, the movie was miserable, the acting  abominable and everything just sucked ass. Please listen to me and don’t do it.

SACRED2

If you look closely in this still, you can see sneaker tracks in the sand from the production people. I mean, really? Come on? I didn’t watch this to see some award nominated movie but – it’s THIS bad? Go fuck yourself movie.

33 comments

  1. Well I guess you can’t blame them for eschewing realism entirely when it came to the depiction of the nuns. Most normal dudes probably don’t beat it to stern jesus-freaky women in the mid 50’s. Right?

    Like

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