Isaacs Picture Conclusions

EUROPA REPORT (2013) FOUR TOP HATS

EUROPA1

*MASSIVE SPOILERS IN THIS POST*

Let’s go ahead and get this out of the way – this is a good fucking movie. All the way, Ray.  Although, out of the three space movies I have seen this year, I would probably have to put this a very close third, behind the stunning GRAVITY and the wicked fun THE LAST DAYS ON MARS. But it’s close. The only thing that gets me about this is the end. For real, this is beautiful and well directed and I believed in the cast and the Sci-Fi aspect was fantastic and it was tense and tragic and believable and the found footage thing worked well, but the end…. the end… for real – STOP READING NOW BECAUSE I AM GOING TO SPOIL THE FUCK OUT OF THIS IN MY NEXT SENTENCE.

EUROPA2

STOP! DON’T LOOK!

Here it comes – 

This is your last chance – 

An octopus…?

* Turns off movie

* Reads some emails

* Reads Joseph’s review of this

* Goes outside for some fresh air

* Watches the short marketing lady go to her car for her jacket when it’s 30 degrees outside

* Listens to her explain why she forgot her fucking jacket

An Octopus….?

* Discusses the materials they are using to lay the track down around the new football field for the Catholic school behind work

* Looks at the dead wasp on the ground

* Heads in and gets a diet coke

* Peels and eats an orange

* Misspells orange four times

* Reads Tim’s review of the trailer

An octopus…?

* Read’s FILMHIPSTER’S review (please come back Chris)

EUROPAOCTO

I consider myself to be one of the most laid back people around and I can usually write off shit that doesn’t sit well with me as *shrugs* and I REALLY did like this movie but… Under the eternally frozen surface of Jupiter’s moon Europa lives… an octopus? An octopus with a taste for humans? Ok. Sure. OK. An octopus, eh? OK. Right. But… you just told me everything has been frozen forever… and the water under the ice is the purest water in the universe. What does it eat? How does it live? If it pisses, the water wouldn’t be pure, right? What about its poop? Why did it eat the first human it ever saw? Is there only one?? Wouldn’t there be a pack?? Do they make babies?? An octopus, huh? Well… OK…

EUROPA3

A private industry funds a trip to Jupiter and we see it all unfold and devolve non linearly through the ship’s cameras and a documentary style wrap around including the guy from BALLS OF FURY. Everything starts off great and people start getting edgy and someone flies off in to space, GRAVITY style.  Eventually they make it to the moon Europa and the ice starts to shift – all unplanned like – and someone goes out on foot and never comes back. The liftoff  from the moon fails and they all get presumably eaten by a giant black octopus.

EUROPA4

I seem to be making this sound like I don’t like the thing but I really did, it’s just… an octopus? GRAVITY can’t be beat, in my book, and even though I had some problems with some of  things going on in LAST DAYS i still think it finished up better than this. The octopus thing is a neat idea and it looks good but – there would have to be something else under there to sustain it’s life. And it doesn’t make any sense that it would immediately start eating everyone. I guess they never show it eating everyone – maybe it just drowns them and collects them, like dolls. I don’t know, the ending just didn’t sit well. It’s still highly recommended as a good movie.

EUROPA5

***

For something more fun than an alien octopus, MME Zoe and I continue our take on the Harry Pooter series over at her site. If that’s not already your home page, you can get there very easily by:

IPCBUTTON

51 comments

  1. Agreed, on all fronts. The octopus – or whatever it was supposed to be – most especially. Was definitely an odd way to end the film.

    Otherwise, though, this is good. Not great, but good.

    Like

  2. Okay, first off, what the hell is wrong with wordpress? Apparently I unfollowed you again?! I clicked follow for like the millionth time…it’s really starting to piss me off!

    As for the review…awesome stuff! Thanks for the shout out :). I think there is definitely a family of these octopus creatures and they are clearly carnivores. I feel it’s implied that there are other life-forms in Europa’s ocean and that’s what it feeds off of, but regardless. Also, c’mon…it’s the cleanest, purest water, the octopus pee and poop has nothing to do with it lol. You do raise valid points though, my friend. Excellent post!!

    Like

    • theipc

      Sorry to get back to you so late – took the day off and have been out and about all day.

      When I got the email that you were now following me, I figured I had simply pissed you off to no end AGAIN : (

      As for this movie – the build up was SO GOOD and then I was just really let down by the big reveal… HAVE A GOOD WEEKEND!!

      Like

      • You could never anger me to a point of no return ;). If you took the day off, what’re you doing here? Go on, get! Have fun! I’m assuming it’s a long weekend for you?

        The movie is amazing, regardless of how one may find its conclusion. One of the best sci-fi flicks in recent memory.

        Like

      • theipc

        : )

        Oh – just killing some time before we head to the bar for a post-birthday birthday celebration (in about an hour). It is a long weekend and tomorrow will be a long day :)…

        Like

  3. Tom

    Nice one dude!! I’m with you, the ending just doesn’t quite sit right with me either. Most of what makes this film so great is the eerie suspense and the mysterious aura hanging over this mission. I think it would have been so much more effective if they were still trying to work the angle that there was indeed ‘life’ on the moon, then just don’t show us what it is. that shot of her going down into the ice would have been so much more terrifying that way methinks.

    by the way, did you throw that dead wasp into the trash?

    Like

  4. Yeah, Chris has really gotta come back!

    Lol I read excerpts from this review so as not to spoil it all. But your constant asking about an octopus made me laugh, so I assume it has some totally ludicrous role to play eventually.

    Like

  5. Hahaha, I’ve read more people having an issue with the octopus…I personally didn’t. It basically attacked anything it could eat I guess and since such a large animal was alive there must have been more life underneath the ice. Maybe the writer did research and found information in secret NASA documentation that the whole universe is full of them 😉

    It was an awesome movie though 🙂

    Like

  6. Okay, well, where to start…

    I trust no one’s got a problem with the existence of octopi on Earth. No? Good. But an octopi-type creature living under the frozen surface of a large moon in our solar system is a step too far. I see. Setting aside the plausability of life evolving in the ‘oceans’ of Europa (it IS plausible – and octopi-type creatures have been discussed, along with squid-type among other things…) and simply going the cinematic route…

    You’ve invested in a realistic space exploration movie to Europa. The possibilty of life on Europa has been set up. And now, as an audience, you would quite like to see what that life is before the film is done. I thought it was quite brave to not go ‘exotic’ but to have something familiar, in keeping with the realistic tone. Perhaps the ‘sight’ of plankton would have been more realistic. Or maybe an amoeba, gently paddling by the astronaut’s not entirely surprised but drowning face.

    I myself found the ending to be satisfactory. But then, as the credits rolled, I wasn’t focused on the ‘octopus’; I was thinking about the astronaut and the dramatic choice she made just so the people of Earth could get a glimpse of life on Europa. A scientific choice, yes, but more than anything a selfless and human choice.

    Of the 3 films listed I go: 1. Europa Report – 2. Gravity – 3. Last Days On Mars.

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: