Isaacs Picture Conclusions

THE FROZEN GROUND (2013) THREE TOP HATS

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I first heard about this over at Tyson’s site – that lazy bastard – and thought it sounded good and then promptly forgot all about it until I was bored the other day and had nothing to do. I saw it in iTunes and thought – oh yeah – Tyson liked this so I rented it and can report back to you that it’s a pretty good movie. Nothing great and no one’s going to win any awards for it, but it’s a good time killer and my man Cage doesn’t act a fool. And he’s back to normal hair.

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I don’t know if there’s a different U.K. version of this but Tyson reported that there were plenty of scenes to make you squeamish and lots of blood and torture – but there was none of that in the version I saw. The most violent thing I saw in here was when Cusack (it’s no spoiler that he’s the bad guy – they let on to that fairly early) he’s got some girl chained to a post and she pees and he makes her clean it  up. Oh – and he shoots someone. Again – I don’t think this is going to make you jump and down in ecstasy or make your turn flips down your office hallway – but it’s a decent enough crime thriller.

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Vanessa Hudgens and her tiny self plays a kidnapped girl victim person who escapes her captor. I never really did catch on exactly how she escaped or where she escaped from but somehow she did and with her arms locked in handcuffs she makes it from Whereverville back to her apartment and starts screaming and cahooting it up so much that the cops are called in. After some drama at a hospital she claims she was held captive and tortured and raped by Cusack’s character but no one believes her because he’s an upstanding civilian and plus – she’s a dirty, fucking hooker.

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But Cage is called in as he’s about to retire and he reluctantly takes on the job and away we go and he won’t take no for an answer and he bird-dogs Cusack constantly and eventually it ends. This is allegedly based on a true story but I’m too lazy to investigate that and just work on ending this post by saying again that this is decent enough to pass some time. And some wind. If you’re looking to see if Hudgens rips off all of her clothes and prances around naked, this is about as risky as it gets:

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You can do a lot worse than this movie, that’s for sure and it was nice to see Cage not acting all batshit. Oh yeah, leggy and yummy Radha Mitchell is in this for about 3 total minutes.

35 comments

  1. And Curtis “50 Cent” Jackson… dammit you know, I was told to watch this. I cannot do that and be serious about it with a name like that in the title in some little quotation marks no less.

    But I might check it out when I am bored, I like Cusack and Cage, especially if you are saying he had a more solid role for a change.

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    • theipc

      GREAT! I thought it could use a little more “spice” but it certainly wasn’t bad or anything. Thanks again for reading and commenting!

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  2. So basically this movie is a complete rip-off of Kiss The Girls. Girl gets kidnapped by creepy weirdo, girl gets away from creepy weirdo, girl points the finger at creepy weirdo and then he gets caught by a grumpy old timer who just wants to retire already.

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      • Yeah, maybe there were two guys in that one.
        And actually, I would have guess that Cage was the bad guy in this one based on that poster. He looks like he’s going to go nuts and massacre a bunch of people with a helicopter and only Cusak, the book-smart hero can stop him.

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      • theipc

        You would be incorrect on that one my friend. Cage is the honest hard working detective who wants to get out of police work and into the oil business.

        But the tables get turned and he massacres a bunch of teenage chicks in scenes so violent you may never recover,

        What?

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  3. Nicolas Cage kind of drives me crazy, so I might have to skip this one, but good job, buddy! Tags of the day: “Alaskan Strippers” (very different from your run-of-the-mill strippers) and “Vanessa Hudgens Is Three Feet Tall” (I am literally still laughing about that).

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  4. It was one of Nicolas Cage’s better movies lately. Although I have seen it I also must admit that I forgot most about it….something I didn’t forget though was how ridiculous 50 Cent looked with that wig 🙂

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