Isaacs Picture Conclusions

SHAOLIN SOCCER (2001) ALL KINDS OF FUN

SOCCER1

The discerning reader blessed with long term memory might remember that a couple of weeks ago I posted my thoughts on my favorite Martial Arts Comedy movie ever: KUNG FU HUSTLE. Well, that day a couple of beautiful people advised that I should watch the director / lead’s other movie – this one – and I said something like “I’m not watching a movie about SOCCER, leave that to the likes of Mark and Tyson!!” and they said “Don’t be a stupid jerk, just watch it!!” and I said “No – NO FUCKING SOCCER!!!” and they said “You’re an idiot – it’s just like Hustle!!” So I queued it up on lovely Netflix, got it, watched it and – it’s fucking awesome! It’s not as good as Hustle – I think because it was kind of ahead of it’s time regarding the special effects they try to pull off, but it’s all kinds of fun. For reals.

SOCCER2

Now – when I say that it was ahead of it’s time – I don’t mean that this is some sort of mind blowing special effects extravaganza that will make you piss yourself like GRAVITY. Considering that this is basically the same movie as HUSTLE – just with soccer – they pulled off a lot better looking stunts and effects in 2004 than they tried in 2001. Which means this: this is awesome but not as awesome as KUNG FU HUSTLE. This is funny, sweet and has a song and dance number but the visuals in HUSTLE are what makes it stand out as “the better one” – but this is totally worth a watch.

SOCCER3

Stephen Chow plays a poor drifter blessed with the Kung Fu power of Steel Leg. He has no money and his toes show through his shoes and he wants to make money doing Kung Fu. He tries to do some Kung Fu karaoke with his brother Iron Head but that doesn’t end up well. Facing up to five or six guys in the street who want to do him in for his terrible singing, he kicks all of their asses with a soccer ball and gets noticed by an out of weight, disgraced form soccer star. They decide that it will be in their best interest to promote Kung Fu by playing soccer – in the Nationals (or something).

SOCCER4

So he enlists his down and out five other brothers who all have special Kung Fu powers to form the soccer team. In one of my favorite scenes in movie history, Iron Head is getting slapped around by a bunch of geeks on the soccer field. In the subsequent shot, we see him wallowing around in the sand, blubbering like an idiot and a person standing in front of him drops his sweatpants. Then he takes off his underwear. Then he makes Iron Head put his sweaty underwear on his own head so he doesn’t have to see his pitiful face any more. I laughed my ass off at that. I CAN’T WAIT TO DO THAT TO SOMEONE. Read: BRIAN @ HARD TICKET TO HOME VIDEO.

SOCCER5

Anyway – people go flying around all over the place and Kung Fu is had by all and this is good, clean fun. I would recommend this to anyone – even if you don’t like soccer. Oh yeah – there’s this part where the female interest above gets a makeover to make her look pretty. That was also very funny.

36 comments

  3. jjames36

    Gotta say. She already looks pretty!

    And good review. It’s the Kung Fu part that is keeping me from jumping on board, but, like you got over your dislike of soccer, perhaps I can get over my dislike for Kung Fu comedies. 😉

    Like

    Reply
    • theipc

      And that’s actually a VERY funny part… especially considering she looks nothing like E.T. (and it’s not making fun of her – it’s very sweet)

      Like

      Reply

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