Isaacs Picture Conclusions

THE SEASONING HOUSE (2013) FOUR BIG TOP HATS

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I read about this on a few of the sites I follow earlier in the year and remembered that it sounded good – but I also remember thinking I was going to get some artsy fartsy treatise on the nature of the European Sex Trade Industry so I was a little tentative going into this when I rented it the other day. With that expectation set what I got was a powerful, gory, KICK ASS, awesome horror that I absolutely LOVED. I loved it so much I watched it twice, as a matter of fact, before my rental expired. It’s very bloody with EXCELLENT blood effects, it’s really brutal in parts, there’s a scene out in the woods that’s just disgusting, I LOVED the heroin in this (below) (what a stud actress) and, while I don’t normally pay that much attention to the music, the score really worked for me. Sure it has a couple of flaws – what movie doesn’t – with some little contrivances there towards the end but – I really, really liked this. Highly recommended but not for the squeamish.

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If we look at the overall movie in two halves, the first is a little slow but it’s all about the development and the absolutely brutal nature of these people we are going to hate. There’s a war going on somewhere over there and the chicks are taken captive, drugged and forced to have The Unwanted Sex. Our man on the street RYAN had some problems with the second half of the movie but thoroughly enjoyed the first. I volley that the second half – the half with all of the action – is what really did it for me. The first is about the abuse these ladies take and the bonding our lead does with one of them (which leads to the revenge bit from the blurb on the poster). But – how do I put this? I know men can be dogs and a lot of people are driven through life with the desire to fuck things but – these chicks are dirty and bloody and drugged and crying and vomiting and – well – they do one person after another so that’s – um – how did Smash put this the other day…. that’s GOT to be some nasty Cooter. I think even if I was a villainous thug or merciless mercenary…. I’d look elsewhere.

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But I got over that and watched as our lead (above) who can’t speak or hear, drugs up the poor victims, rubs some make-up on them and bonds with one of the girls who knows how to sign language it up. Eventually the soldiers who murdered her mom show up for some pieces of ass and she finally snaps and then, that’s when this gets pretty fucking studly. This IS a revenge movie, so there’s no spoiler to say that she gets her revenge – so… the way that she takes this mother fucker below out is totally awesome, creative and extremely bloody.

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That’s one of Sean “Me guts are out, Coop!!!” Pertwee’s lawless soldiers and after she does him in, the hunt is on and I found it to be all sorts of fun. Bad ass even. But again – this is pretty brutal in some parts so The Sensitive Most Beloveds might not enjoy this as much as I did. This really is one of my favorite movies I have seen in months.

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Oh yeah – one last thing – if you’re claustrophobic like me, there’s a REEEEEAAALLLLLL butt clinching ten minutes or so towards the end. Be warned.

*****

For even more excitement on your Friday – click anywhere on this paragraph to head over and see what Zoe and I think about the GOBLET OF FIRE!

46 comments

    • theipc

      LOL – NICE!!!!

      They sent me a screener package that included the Blu-Ray, some sort of cloth, a rusty spoon, a syringe and a tin foil pack of something called “Blue Chinese”. Scrotey and I cooked it up and tripped our balls off.

      Like

  1. Fantastic review, and thanks for the mention, man! It’s definitely a disturbing little flick and one that will be tough for a lot of people to stomach. That being said, it’s well worth digging into for anyone who likes some hardcore violence.

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      • GaryLee828

        Okay, I just finished watching this. IT SUCKED!!! lol. J/k. No, I thought this one was pretty good.

        This provides a great example of what I was referring to in my earlier post about “Raze” not having a strong villain; the two villains in this (Victor & Sean Pertwee’s character) were convincing as soon as you met them. Intriguing villains lead with their eyes and not empty words. The lead pirate on “Captain Phillips” does this and that’s why he came across so scary; after seeing Captain Phillips at the theater I told my friend that guy deserved an Oscar nomination, but he’d never get it since he was an unknown – and then what do you know, the Academy gave him a nomination!

        I have to agree with you over Ryan on “Seasoning House” as I too think the second half was better. I was honestly getting bored in the first half after a while and kept waiting for something to happen – but once things got rolling then you realize the first half laid down a strong foundation, which is a sign of strong writing. I also agree there were some questionable things in the second half, but nothing too over-the-top.

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