Isaacs Picture Conclusions

HERE COMES THE DEVIL (2013) FOUR TOP HATS!

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HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLL YEAH!!! This movie rocked my lame ass. It’s been an XMAS miracle that I’ve seen a couple of really good movies lately. Screw 8MM and MAD COWGIRL – give me this and WAWWA any day. This thing rocked from start to finish – I mean, yeah there’s a few slow moments but – hey – who cares? This post may contain some spoilers regarding the plot but not the big reveal or the ending. This movie is totally worth the watch, no matter what you read here and, literally – this movie uncharacteristically starts off with two hot chicks:

Here comes the devil

screwing each other. It had nothing to do with anything at all but it’s two hot chicks doing it for about five minutes. Hump hump hump. Then , when it’s over – they have a Coitus Postem talk about shame and someone knocks on the door. The one who lives there goes to answer and doesn’t come back quickly. As her girlfriend heads down the stairs, we get brutal images of someone getting beaten – and then, surprisingly, the intruder holds down the woman’s hand and chops her fingers off with a machete. It’s brutal and totally gross and not CGI. The other lady Do-er bonks the fucker on the back of the head with a lamp and he runs off screaming into the night. With her fingers. In a steel box. Full of fingers. WTF??? Apparently he runs through the night (or it might’ve been almost morning), leaving a trail of blood until he arrives at a hill. Furthering the strangeness, he strips off his clothes, accidentally drops the box of fingers which roll all over the place and – while I’m not 100% positive this is what they were trying to convey – I think he fucks the hill. Ground fucker!! And while this may sound weird and pervy – it was actually really good fun. And bloody and gross.

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Cut to a family of four at some sort of sandy expanse destination – the wife and husband are enjoying some quiet time while the kids are off playing in the dirt. Suddenly the little boy character comes running up crying that his sister is hurt and bleeding. Tuns out she just got her first period so they head into town for a clean up and some – uhmmm – er…. – sanitary – *blushes… – you know…. those things. This sounds awkward to see and even awkward-er to write about but it’s tastefully done and the only reason I really mention it is that I recently changed my Gravatar thing and someone playfully mentioned to me that they liked it better than my old one which made them think of a “period stain”. Another point of all of this shit is to mention that, while the mom is cleaning her daughter’s jeans, some sort of pervy mother fucker is checking out her daughter’s bloody underwear through a crack in the door.

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After all of that dreadfulness is over with, the kids ask if they can go play on this nearby hill (the one I think the serial killer fucked earlier) and the parents say yes so they can get some peace – and so the dad can get a piece!!! BAM!!! That just happened!!! The kids are only supposed to be gone an hour and a half but, since they fell asleep after their Coitus Automotus, time has slipped by and they’ve been gone for hours and hours. They call the cops and do a little looking around but the kids are nowhere to be found. Queue despair and some fighting and sadness and an earthquake (which may seem trivial until the end of the film) and the next day – YAY!! Happiness!!! The children are back!!!!!

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But they’re not the fucking same…. and all sorts of weird shit starts to happen. Are they victims of sexual abuse? Are they possessed?? Are they just kids today??? Well – I’m not going to spoil this up because this is one of my favorites of the year and FUCK YEAH I loved this movie. As a PSA – I should advise that there’s a lot of female nudity in this, some brutal-ass gore and some men sporting moustaches – so – if that’s not your thing, you might skip it but this is all kinds of awesome. Oh – there’s also some ghost boob groping ala THE ENTITY but that only lasts a few seconds. That’s kind of weird in some way because I also just watched THE ENTITY recently and it really made me wonder why these ghosts like boobs so much… fondle fondle grope grope. Anyway – I totally liked this and can’t even wait to see it again. Fondle fondle squeeze squeeze.

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And – don’t forget!! Be sure to click anywhere in this paragraph to see our thoughts on the latest reviewed episode of Harry Pooter!!!

31 comments

  1. 1) I’d only watch this for the hill fucking

    2) Who thought that about your avatar thingy? That’s disgusting. ;-p

    3) This movie sounds so “you”! And you know you’d totally fondle boobs if you were a ghost. Oh, and The Entity freaked me out.

    Like

    • theipc

      1) Now – I’m not 100% sure he was fucking that hill but there’s a lot of sex in this thing. I wouldn’t put it past them.

      2) I know, right??? What a perv.

      3) LOL – I love it. I expand on the ghost groping in my Entity post I just finished and scheduled for Monday : )

      Like

  2. Pingback: The Best of 2013 – Year end review | parlor of horror

  3. GaryLee828

    Just saw this and found it pretty boring. I even fell asleep in the middle and when I woke up did not feel inspired to rewind what I missed. I just resumed being bored and continued to be bored until the lackluster conclusion….

    I mean for one, think about this: this is a movie about some kids who act totally different after going missing in the hills and then returning, right? Okay, that’s an intriguing plot. But let’s think about the execution. We hardly get to know the kids before they go into the hills – and then once they do return we STILL hardly see them!

    We see the parents talking and talking and talking; the whole f’n movie is spent on the parents!

    Okay, so HOW are we supposed to learn the kids are acting strangely?

    We didn’t get to learn how the kids act before they went missing – and we didn’t get to see them often after the return to think “Hey that girl sure is acting different than before!”. I have NO IDEA how these kids acted before – and I still have no idea how they’re acting now BECAUSE THEY’RE NEVER AROUND for longer than 20 seconds at a time!

    And this might be okay if the parents weren’t both so boring and had a spark of personality.

    And the ending is just dumb. HOW did this come to be? HOW did all that happen? If one wants to enjoy this movie, then check your disbelief at the door before pressing play; otherwise you will feel about this the way that I do, and that isn’t good.

    Like

    • theipc

      Well – I guess we’ll have to agree to disagree here : )

      I just kind of went with what was going on and I loved it –

      you would think that after watching what you sent me for SHITFEST you would think this is a miracle…

      Like

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