Isaacs Picture Conclusions

THE ENTITY (1982) 3 GHOST FONDLES

ENTITY1

I remember seeing this movie on video-tape back when it first came out – if this was released in 1982 then it probably became available in 1983 or 4 so I would have been living at _________ and this was still back when it was safe, so a kid could walk a mile to the local video store and pick up a sleazy movie that the stoned teenager working the counter didn’t give a fuck how old you were. With these types of movies, I would have to sneak this one in in the backpack under the American History book and when mom asked what I rented, I would pull out a worn out copy of Friday the 13th or Halloween (one AND / OR two) and she’s be all “OK Honey I love you”. So I’d plug that in and wait for her to turn her TV off upstairs which meant she was going to sleep and then put in something like this or anything just as perceptibly sleazy. Oh – and turn off all of the lights and play it with the sound very low.

ENTITY2

If you’re not familiar, this is a movie about a ghost that likes to have The Sex with Barbara Hershey, against her will. When I was twelve and saw this for the first time, this scared the living FUCK out of me with the screaming and the BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM drum sound effects but then, watching this the other day, there was something I had forgotten about. I remember there being a LOT of nudity in this (there’s not really) and I remember having the total hots for Hershey but… there’s also the parts where…. the ghost grabs her boobs. FONDLE FONDLE FONDLE GROPE GROPE GROPE SQUEEZE SQUEEZE SQUEEZE.

ENTITY3

I bet, back in 1982, that was probably some inventive and creative prosthetic work but, here in 2013, it was REALLY weird looking. And awkward even. I don’t even know if I can describe the effect very well. I mean, I’ve touched my fair share of boobs in my life but I’ve never kneaded them like I was trying to cripple some bread dough – or – I’ve always felt that boobs were there to be enjoyed, not DESTROYED. The first time they did it, it was so fake looking and almost laughable but then, the second time, when she is supposedly fully nude (it’s so obviously fake) it was just OMG stop already.

ENTITY4

I also found it weird that they do this in HERE COMES THE DEVIL too – and I happened to watch these back to back. FONDLE FONDLE GROPE GROPE SQUEEZE SQUEEZE. At least in “Devil” it was horrendously fake looking but it still makes me wonder why these ghosts like to squeeze The Boobs so hard? Delicacy people!! Be gentle!!! Anyway – this movie isn’t that good. The scares come from the alarming BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM sound effects, the special effects are pretty lame (think hand drawn lightning bolts) and – for being based on a “true story” – it’s not very believable, plus, you’ll have to deal with Ron Silver and his hairdo:

ENTITY5

SMUCH SMUCH

In the end, I didn’t love it the most and can safely file it away in the 80s bullshit pile. And yes, I did spell SMOOCH as SMUCH because that’s an inside joke in my house. If you want to see some ghost boob groping, be sure to check out HERE COMES THE DEVIL instead : )

***

On a side note – I thought I would just admit that – ever since email has been a primary means of communications, I’ve always had trouble spelling the word Barbara. It always comes out as Barabara – and I’m familiar with this because I used to be the manager to a woman named Barbara at work. Anyway, the point of that is that a bunch of you Most Beloveds get onto me because I don’t like too many comedies. I like my comedies sly and subtle, not loud and “I’VE GOT A BONER!!!!!“-y.  So I was giving this it’s last check and noticed in the tags that I had tagged this with “arbara Hershey” and that made me laugh. If I ever failed tried to write something funny, one of the characters would totally not be able to spell the word Barbara and that would be some sort of running joke.

28 comments

  1. Ha! Well, I don’t think her ghost was too interested in being gentle. I had a boyfriend a lot like that, actually. I mean, WTF? Ow! Was I meant to like that?? Anyway – the subject matter of this movie freaked me out but, yeah, it’s really cheesy & dated.

    They’re coming to grope you, Barbara! 😉

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    • theipc

      That ghost meant business…. and EEK at your story – OW indeed… that boy needed to learn some boob etiquette…

      YEP – this movie = not so good….

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  2. Agree, it’s a very odd movie. I think I’ve only seen Ron Silver in two films as well. This one, and that Timecop one with Jean Claude Van Damme. When watching this, I kept expecting a Ron Silver from the future to walk in, and start insulting his past self.

    Like

  3. I liked this more than 3, probably 4 ghost fondles for me. It looks dated and has a dated feel (not feel, feel – as in atmosphere) but thought it was creepy that she kept getting attacked and no one could help her.

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