SPOILERS AHEAD: I really, really, really, really, really wanted to love this movie. I talked about it for weeks and watched the trailer over and over despite the wife’s repulsion. I was in love with the creature (and Sarah Polley) and even took a half day off of work to see it the day it came out. My wife and friends kid me all of the time because i like every movie too much, but this one was a REAL stinker.
Clive and Elsa are geneticists that create some sort of bizarre, disgusting looking creature out of some cells that actually comes to life and offers promises of what the future can bring to curing things like cancer and whatnot, but of course they can’t use human cells for cloning, so they unconvincingly start working endlessly late at night etc, blah, blah, blah until somehow they finally get something to “take” (turns out the secret ingredient she secretly snuck into the mix were her own cells).
The girl is birthed, the girl grows extremely quickly, the girl names herself DREN using some letter blocks and eventually gets too big to keep in the lab or the basement. Clive wants to kill the creature, Elsa loves it as her own child, they find out it can breathe underwater and move her in the cover of night to some farmhouse from Elsa’s childhood where she was abused or something for years and years, left unexplained. Eventually Dren wants out to kill and eat, Elsa wants to kill her, and then Adrien Brody actually screws what is essentially his daughter.
When Elsa catches Clive in this unfortunate act, after some annoying bickering, they conclude that Dren needs to be killed and they head back to the farmhouse. Turns out Dren’s already dead!! YAY – is the movie over? Sadly not. After burying Dren, their lab partner and manager show up demanding to see the forbidden creature, who returns to us as a male and promptly kills the two new arrivals. (The sex change was weakly alluded to at some point earlier that i didn’t care about either). Anyway, now male, he beats up Clive, rapes what is his mother, and then, in his dying act, Clive kills the thing once and for all. At the end of the movie Elsa signs a contract with the pharmaceutical company they work for to carry through her pregnancy (is it Clive’s or the creature’s? Who cares).
There you go – a real winner. I thought that they did very good on the CGI for Dren’s legs and tail, but her eyes they never quite got right. If it was a side shot, they used the actress’ eyes, but front shots required both eyes and they never did quite work for me. For some reason I didn’t think Polley cared much about this movie – because it was my least favorite thing i have ever seen her in. Lastly, Dren couldn’t talk the entire movie, but suddenly when she is now a he, he gets his one and only line in response to Elsa’s screams of “What do you want?!” His response – and only line of the movie, you ask?? –> “Inside you” then rape. for real.
This one sucked. I give it it one top hat for getting me out of work for half a day.
LOL – Nice post, young Isaacs. Sorry about this one, Most Beloveds. Tune in tomorrow for something extremely special to me!!