Isaacs Picture Conclusions

INSIDIOUS CHAPTER 2 (2013) REALLY?

INSIDIOUS2A

If no one’s ever paid attention to what I do out here – I try and do something relatively new on Fridays – in case even one of the Most Beloveds are thinking of renting something over the weekend. I believe the trend is to rent something new while you eat some pizza and down some beers or Watermelon infused Martinis – so I try and find something fresh off the shelf to help you make sound decisions. “Why do you continue to fucking bother me with this shit, Isaacs??” You ask. Because I didn’t really want to watch this. Only two people have ever read my thoughts on the first one – which you could find here if you felt like it – but I didn’t really love it. I found it full of holes and stupid questions and then it really fell apart in the third part. Like – it shit it’s own pants in the last third and didn’t even bother to clean up the mess. PHEEEEEEEEEWWWWWW STIIIIINKYYYY!!!!! I thought the first was going pretty good – with plot holes – until the last bit which ruined everything for me. I feel like this one started off pretty shitty and then got pretty darn good until (and I checked) minute 91 where I fucking LOL-ed and it was over for me.  *Spoilers ahead if you plan on seeing this*

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SHHH – don’t tell anyone but I really like Patrick Wilson – and Rose Byrne for that matter – and I fucking jizzed everywhere during James Wan’s THE CONJURING and – OOOOOOHMYGOD is that Jocelin Donahue from HOUSE OF THE DEVIL???? YUM!!!! This has got to be good, somehow, right?? Well – the first third, or act, give it a name, is really boring and lame and WTF is going on with Wilson’s line delivery?? Also – I REALLY like long, slow tracking and pan shots – I mean – that’s my bag, man, but, I guess now I see that too many can be too much. Long, slow, tracking shots are the first half of this movie. I think the gimmick here was to slowly circle around the interior of the house while Byrne talks on the phone and then BAMLOUDNOISE!!! something in the background while we continue to circle and get to this other place and BAMLOUDNOISE!!!!! the toddler-walker-thingie goes off and she turns it off and goes to sit on the stairs and BAMLOUDNOISE!!!! there’s a ghost in the other room. I don’t know – it got old after about 30 minutes. I know some people didn’t like LORDS OF SALEM but I really did and I thought the long, slow, tracking shot worked really well in that one.

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I actually thought the second third, or the second act, or the BEEF of the movie was pretty good.  I even went on Twitter saying that this was getting enjoyable and Wilson’s stiff acting was explained well. We get away from the Darth Maul demon bullshit and no one’s out there grinding their fucking claws on a fucking sharpening stone and everything was looking good.  I liked what was happening with the dead serial killer and his dead mom. I liked how they had made a good segue from the first to the sequel. I liked Barbara Hershey again and wanted to make it with her like if I was 11. The two bumbling tech guys didn’t bother me. Everything was going good! UNTIL….

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Wilson’s character is possessed by the soul of this serial killer, see. He’s gone all shithouse crazy and he’s doing his best Jack Torrance trying to kill his family. He’s hammering on the basement hallway door with a bat!! He breaks through!!! She’s got a crowbar in the door latch!!! He’s pounding and POUNDING and SCREAMING and she’s SCARED TO SHIT!!!!! THE REAL WILSON CHARACTER IS TRAPPED IN THE FURTHER!!!! SHIT!!!!!!!!! “I can go get daddy, mommy, if you let me go to sleep.” says the little kid.  So she agrees and makes him a nice little bed and while all of this fucking noise and screaming and yelling and shitfuck chaos is happening, he falls asleep in three fucking seconds.

Are

You

Fucking

Kidding

Me

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See that last image? That’s my reaction to the stupidest plot development I’ve ever seen. To make things even worse, after the dead psychic lady from the first one kills the serial killer’s dead mom’s ghost with a rocking horse, they race out of the house into the eternal darkness of The Further and he just happens to run into his kid. “How did you find me?” Dad asks. “I followed your steps.” Claims the child who doesn’t have a lamp or anything other than a walkie talkie tin can on his belt. What a way to fucking go, Insidious 2.  This movie ended worse than David Carradine….

Have a good weekend everyone!! Don’t forget to get me your SHITFEST entries as soon as you can : )

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Today Zoe and I finish up the Harry Pooter series – it’s bittersweet but it’s over – check it out by clicking anywhere in this sentence.

53 comments

  1. Hahaha. Great review. I actually really like Insidious, but it doesn’t stop me laughing at some of the bizarre plot holes you spotted. ‘Ended worse than David Carridane’. Superb line.

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  2. In this case, it’s funny because it’s true. The final plot twists are redonkulous. The first third is almost as bad. The second third is near enjoyable, but doesn’t make it.

    And the tracking shots. Yuck. Stop it. Rarely do directors release two movies in a single year (that’s a lot of work, man), but I doubt any have ever before been this disparate. One of Wan’s works in 2013 is Oscar worthy. The other? Is this pile rubbish I’d prefer to flush down the toilet.

    Or better yet to have not seen.

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  3. I’m with you, buddy. This one let me down. I actually liked the first one, but I know a lot of peeps didn’t. Also, “This movie ended worse than David Carradine” could be the best sentence I’ve ever seen ever. And I’ve seen some good sentences.

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  4. I’m pretty sure I was one of the two people who had your review of the first review. Do I win a watermelon infused beer martini for that? Bummer this sucked so bad. I was pretty fond of the first.

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  5. Victor De Leon

    This film is a mixed bag for me (I think I gave it a 7 out of 10) but I know I liked it more that you did. I may be biased because I really admire Wan and his work. (Death Sentence rules!) But I can definitely relate to the polarization and hate this movie gets. Great review, Isaacs! Keep it up, bro!

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  6. Man, Patrick Wilson is awesome! Eric, I applaud you for having wasted your time to save me mine. I really, really didn’t like the first one and this one cannot possibly be an improvement. Excellent review!

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  7. And you all were saying how Insidious final act was bad..so this second one is worse? Means I can take my time and wait for it to get on Netflix 😉
    As for the shitfest entry, its actually written, I just can’t figure out what pics to use..haha. Stupid reason, yes but soon, ok?

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    • theipc

      Hi KIM!!!!

      In my opinion, the middle of the second one is better than the first movie but the end – OMG the end was miserable. You shouldn’t spend any money on it : )

      YAY!!! Can’t wait!!

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  8. Yeah, both films were disappointments (or the first one was a disappointment – I expected nothing from the second one). I have a friend who loved the first one. I thought certain images were arresting and perhaps even iconic, but none of that matters if they aren’t woven into a cohesive film.

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    • theipc

      I actually thought this one was going pretty good (after the first one sucked so bad to me) but then it just all fell apart…

      thanks for reading!!

      Like

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