Isaacs Picture Conclusions

PLANET TERROR (2007) THREE TOP HATS

PLANETT1

“You might feel a little prick” LOL HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! WHAT?? PLANET TERROR was the first one of the GRINDHOUSE Double Feature Robert Rodriguez an Q Tarantino put out back in ’07 and I remember liking it more than DEATH PROOF, mainly because there was too much talking in “DP” and….

Grind House

But I watched this again the other day and I didn’t care for it as much even though I love Michael Beihn and Fergie’s cans. It was just kind of silly the second time around. Aside from the parts in the hospital with Brolin and yummy Marley Shelton, this really didn’t do it for me and came across as trying to hard to be campy and funny, plus, I think this is the point in his life where Bruce Willis started to lose any interest in the job he does to make a living.

PLANETT3

In any case, there’s not much to say about this one either so I am going to address something else : )

I want to sincerely THANK all of you Beautiful People who have given me blog awards over the last few months. I really do like them and they mean a lot to me, I just don’t repost them because they kind of mess with my theme that I pay dearly for out here. Plus – it would be impossible for me to renominate just ten people for something since I care about you all. I think one of the common themes to these things is to come out here and say some things about yourself and then forward them on to other folks so, in the absence of anything exciting to say about PLANET TERROR, here are some random and probably useless facts about, wait for it, wait for it, that’s right – me.

1) Some long term readers already know this but for the newer Most Beloveds: I gag uncontrollably when I brush my teeth. It’s a wretched thing and something I hate more than anything.

2) I have problems dealing with plastic bags… I can’t open a bag of chips without tearing the entire thing in half and spilling them all over the place. For some reason I can’t get zip-locks to close until the 21st try and don’t even get me started on bags from the grocery store.  If I put my hand in one, the thing closes on me like a boa constrictor and all of the contents end up all over the floor of my truck. Cheap bags from the convenience store on the corner?? Cancel Christmas.

3) I like to come out here and call myself a dummy but I’m actually semi smart and pretty handy at things. Solving problems? We can fix it! Tile and grout? Check. Woodwork? Sure. Light fixtures? No prob.  But if I touch ONE FUCKING valve on a piece of plumbing the entire thing will snap off and flood the house. I can then spend HOURS trying to fix the problem and – fuck it, just call the goddamned plumber.

4) Have you ever seen a dead body? I mean – not one all dressed up real nice, lying peacefully in a casket?? I have – it’s not pleasant. It was a hit and run bike rider. : (

5) I once jumped off of a 500 foot cliff into a lake and broke my tailbone. Wait – maybe I’m not very smart.

Grind House

6) Keith Carradine owes me five dollars. Back when I was living in California, my uncle owned and ran a window treatment business. One day we were hired to do some blinds in Carradine’s house. While we were working, he came up to us looking through his wallet. “All I’ve got is fifties,” he said. “All I want is a coke. Do you have anything smaller?” So I gave him five bucks and he said he’d be back after he broke the 50. He never came back.

7) Other notable run-ins with celebrities? Alice Cooper (outside a club in Hollywood), Miguel Ferrar at a deli, Mini Me at the LAX airport, Matt LeBlanc at a Bob’s Big Boy (he stole a chick I had been giving the eyes to – WHATEVER!!!!!) and I might have once drunkenly groped at Carrie Anne Moss at a club in Hollywood. Maybe. A gentleman never tells. I also hung out for a little bit with Gil Gerrard and Erin Grey from Buck Rogers at a ComiCon – they were paid to be there but that was childhood a dream come true. *DROOLS Oh yeah, I also one talked on the phone with John McEnroe…

8) I have since retired because i”m fucking tall and my knees have gone old and creaky, but when I was a younger man I had a tendency to drink way to much and run around the city naked. Well – not the entire city, mind you. You know, like everyone does: the bar on the other side of town, the grocery store, the Long John Silvers, the movie theater at the end of the premier of Tim Burton’s BATMAN, you know, the common stuff. Lake Michigan….

9) I was once held at gunpoint while two men robbed the restaurant I worked in. That’s NOT FUCKING FUN at all. This ain’t the movies.

10) This may come as an incredible shock to EVERYONE but…. I like boobs…

PLANETT5

I guess that’s it – now you can all sleep soundly tonight : )

Tune in tomorrow if you want to to see some thoughts on a movie I didn’t even want to watch that turned out surprisingly really good!!

P.S. here’s another one I just thought of.

11) NO MATTER WHERE I GO, NO MATTER WHEN, NO MATTER WHERE – THERE’S ALWAYS SOMEONE FUCKING TAKING A SHIT IN THE BATHROOM!!!!!!! I can be the only fucking person in this entire building that houses 1000 people – the only one – and i’ll go for a piss and someone will be shitting. Not demure-shitting either. GRUNT GRUNT PLOP “OOOOOH!!!” shitting. Smelling other people’s shit is DISGUSTING and WHO SHITS IN PUBLIC SO MUCH????? I just had to go to four different bathrooms to take a whiz. I had to go to THE OTHER BUILDING!! AGAIN!!!! I’m allergic to anything that pollinates (for real) so I blow my nose about 100 times a day. Go to the bathroom out at lunch to blow my nose?? Someone’s shitting. Go to wash my hands at the grocery store? Someone’s shitting. WHAT. THE. FUCK.

52 comments

  1. Cropping the top half of those Fergie pictures would only help.

    I agree with you 1,000% on Planet Terror. Watched it a few weeks ago and it’s just a mess. Still fun, but just never gets to be what it’s trying to be. But Marley Shelton is so underrated.

    Have you tried like a Sonicare toothbrush?

    Like

  2. Eric, you’ve discovered my secret. I’ve been hiring private investigators to tail you and . . . well run to take a dump anytime you’re walking to a bathroom. I thought you would think it was funny.

    As to plumbing. F. Plumbing. F-ing f it, that mother f-ing jerkpile of pipes and water and ooooooh I HATE. IT!

    Finally, I never would have guessed Carradine was such a petty thief. Did he at least pay you a compliment before robbing you?

    Like

  3. I like everything you said about your life, it was some pretty funny shit, esp. John Carradine owing you $5, However, Planet Terror, only 3 Top Hats???… I would give it… how many Top Hats is the most you give? 5? I would give it like 27 Top Hats!!! Not only did Rodriguez do a better job than Tarantino at getting the whole Grindhouse feel down – aka: the place in the middle where the film just cut and jumps to a different scene, The ridiculous fact of a girl with a machine-gun leg and she doesn’t even have to pull the trigger (just think and it will fire), the begins in a strip club and ends in New Mexico, etc… But it is also a great zombie film, a great ‘scary doctor’ film and a great violent action film! I would watch this over any Academy Award nominated film any day of the week! The Academy Awards SUCK!

    Like

  4. Good review. Compared to Death Proof, it’s nothing special. However, it’s still exactly what we’ve come to expect from Rodriguez in a B-grade sense, so it’s still fun.

    Like

    • theipc

      LOL – it’s kind of a funny story.

      I work for a cell phone company over here in the U.S. About ten years ago, instead of adapting the UK way of conserving telephone numbers, we opted to allow customers to port their telephone number from one company to another. When it first launched it was a miserable fucking experience and I was the manager of the Port Technical Support for our company.

      My job was to work the difficult cases we got and, after I messed around on the back end to fix things, it was customary for me to call the number to see if the port worked. One day I got Johnny Mac’s case, fixed it and called the number – not expecting him to answer. But he did. It was pretty awkward.

      I also talked to a guy named Ken Griffey Jr – do you know who that is?

      Like

  5. Awesome post dude. I kind of love it when there’s not much to say about the movie and we get stories about you instead. What a treat! And you say you drive a truck, eh? I feel like I know you so well now, lol.

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: