So…. how does an idiot like myself go about writing words about what some people call “the greatest movie ever made”….?
*Oh BTW – LOL – SPOILERS in this if you are the one person on the planet that doesn’t know how this ends*
*chews on pencil
*itches foot with pencil
*itches butt cheek with pencil
*throws pencil in garbage can
*goes outside to reflect on this movie
soooooooooooo…. let me ask you this – have YOU ever seen this movie? Willingly? Or were you forced to study it in film school? In the 40 years I’ve been around, farting and pooping, I’ve watched thousands of movies and not a single one of them EVER was CITIZEN KANE. Being the guy that I am and liking the movies that I like I have not ever once thought “Oh BOY – I’m going to sit down on the couch with a twelve pack of beer on Friday night and watch CITIZEN KANE!!!! SNAP!!!” But I did watch this the other day and thought “For the love of fuck, who thinks this is the greatest movie ever made???” I am prettttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttty sure it’s not people from my generation – I mean – we had ROCKY for crying out loud. So –
*scratches back of head
*takes off glasses
……maybe we should re-vote….
I understand that the story is epic. Sure. Right. Got it. Somehow told in an insanely non linear fashion, a dirt poor mother sells her son to some corporation for a reason I didn’t get. The boy grows up to be a CREEPY man who has zillions of dollars and is a publishing and radio magnate. He screams A LOT and cheats on his first wife and hits his second one. When she leaves him, he dies and whispers “rooooooooooooose buuuuuuuuuuud….” Somehow – get this – somehow, even though he was alone when he croaked, the newspapers doing a piece on his life and death know what his last words were so they spend what seems like a month trying to figure out who the fuck Rosebud is. Why would anyone care so much? I’m sure if someone like Lorne Michaels died and his last words were “haaaaaaaaaaaaaand buuuuuuuuuuuuuttttttt” no one would really care for too long wondering whose ass he was thinking about when he went.
I like how that’s Endora from Bewitched… anyway… I get it that this was probably a marvel of cinema for a number of decades but this is over 60 years old and god damn it felt like it was eighty hours long. And the sound was awful – it was noisy and everyone seemed to be screaming their lines and oh god damn there’s an opera scene that almost made me sick. I mean, for real, I get it – yeah – it’s a Classic and someone’s favorite movie but that doesn’t mean I have to like it. I also didn’t get something – towards the end, when they go out for their “picnic” – that night in the tent… while he’s in the tent, before he hits his wife – the music playing outside stops and some woman starts screaming hysterically – what’s that all about??? Can you tell me??
Oh well – when I googled “Citizen Kane” this picture came up so I guess this wasn’t all that bad of an experience : ) Did I like it? Not really but now I can say that I’ve seen it. I guess.
On an unrelated note that has nothing to do with this film – isn’t it funny how people in movies that need some light always have convenient zippos even if the character doesn’t smoke?