So…. how does an idiot like myself go about writing words about what some people call “the greatest movie ever made”….?
*Oh BTW – LOL – SPOILERS in this if you are the one person on the planet that doesn’t know how this ends*
*chews on pencil
*sits back
*itches foot with pencil
*sniffs pencil
*itches butt cheek with pencil
*thinks
*sniffs pencil
*wretches
*throws pencil in garbage can
*goes outside to reflect on this movie
soooooooooooo…. let me ask you this – have YOU ever seen this movie? Willingly? Or were you forced to study it in film school? In the 40 years I’ve been around, farting and pooping, I’ve watched thousands of movies and not a single one of them EVER was CITIZEN KANE. Being the guy that I am and liking the movies that I like I have not ever once thought “Oh BOY – I’m going to sit down on the couch with a twelve pack of beer on Friday night and watch CITIZEN KANE!!!! SNAP!!!” But I did watch this the other day and thought “For the love of fuck, who thinks this is the greatest movie ever made???” I am prettttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttty sure it’s not people from my generation – I mean – we had ROCKY for crying out loud. So –
*scratches back of head
*grimaces
*cocks neck
*takes off glasses
*covers mouth
*coughs
*says meekly
……maybe we should re-vote….
I understand that the story is epic. Sure. Right. Got it. Somehow told in an insanely non linear fashion, a dirt poor mother sells her son to some corporation for a reason I didn’t get. The boy grows up to be a CREEPY man who has zillions of dollars and is a publishing and radio magnate. He screams A LOT and cheats on his first wife and hits his second one. When she leaves him, he dies and whispers “rooooooooooooose buuuuuuuuuuud….” Somehow – get this – somehow, even though he was alone when he croaked, the newspapers doing a piece on his life and death know what his last words were so they spend what seems like a month trying to figure out who the fuck Rosebud is. Why would anyone care so much? I’m sure if someone like Lorne Michaels died and his last words were “haaaaaaaaaaaaaand buuuuuuuuuuuuuttttttt” no one would really care for too long wondering whose ass he was thinking about when he went.
I like how that’s Endora from Bewitched… anyway… I get it that this was probably a marvel of cinema for a number of decades but this is over 60 years old and god damn it felt like it was eighty hours long. And the sound was awful – it was noisy and everyone seemed to be screaming their lines and oh god damn there’s an opera scene that almost made me sick. I mean, for real, I get it – yeah – it’s a Classic and someone’s favorite movie but that doesn’t mean I have to like it. I also didn’t get something – towards the end, when they go out for their “picnic” – that night in the tent… while he’s in the tent, before he hits his wife – the music playing outside stops and some woman starts screaming hysterically – what’s that all about??? Can you tell me??
Oh well – when I googled “Citizen Kane” this picture came up so I guess this wasn’t all that bad of an experience : ) Did I like it? Not really but now I can say that I’ve seen it. I guess.
On an unrelated note that has nothing to do with this film – isn’t it funny how people in movies that need some light always have convenient zippos even if the character doesn’t smoke?
I’m partly with you on this one mate. I watched it in film studies and appreciate that technically it’s very good in terms of lighting, camera angles, etc, but the story itself isn’t the most gripping. I think a lot of people say it’s the best movie ever made just because they think they should, when actually their favourite film is Uncle Buck.
LikeLike
Uncle Buck rules. ; )
LikeLike
FYI – I dance like Uncle Buck.
LikeLike
Lol! I bet. I’d love to see that. : )
LikeLike
LOL – maybe for SHITFEST….
LikeLike
“I think a lot of people say it’s the best movie ever made just because they think they should,” – YUP
Just so you know – my favorite film is The Professional (LEON) or ROCKY – depending on what day it is…
LikeLike
I wouldn’t say anything is the best movie ever made because I haven’t seen every movie that was ever made and even if I had I don’t believe in absolutes. But I did like Citizen Kane.
LikeLike
Those are very good points! This just wasn’t my kind of thing…
LikeLike
Look at you! All cultured & shit!! ; ) I loved Bewitched. I always think of Agnes Moorehead in that good Twilight Zone episode The Invaders. You have that one in your drawers?? ; )
LikeLike
That’s right!! All cultured and shit!!
I do!!! (I’m not sure if I’ve seen it but I will now : ) )
LikeLike
Btw – why the hell did you watch this???? Lmao!
LikeLike
I have no fucking idea. Some punk stinker was dogging on me for not having any culture – so one day I cracked and ordered up a bunch of “Classics”….
+_+
LikeLike
Hehehe! *snicker*
LikeLike
…….. o_O……
LikeLike
I really enjoy the header for this segment! Because it’s accurate. You really did just pork the shit out of this classic, lol. Way to go! I’ve never seen this one myself, and have no shame in saying that I probably never will.
LikeLike
LOL Thanks Smash!!!!
I did that header card so I don’t have to type that up every time…. LOL Lazy –
Here’s to a good week, friend!!
*clink
LikeLike
Hey I’ve seen this! … in a film class. I think you got it right, when it was made it was amazing, but looking at it now, it’s just good.
LikeLike
And very noisy.
LikeLike
i thought it was a good film, but to be honest it’s more about how important it was in the history of film, as SO MANY of the things we accept as completely standard in films now were created by orson welles here, in his first ever film. i mean he came along and BLEW everyone out of the water with this. i’m talking about other filmmakers to be honest, i don’t know how it did with the public. but everyone who made films at the time were completely gobsmacked. imagine if that happened now. if a guy making his first film did something that had spielberg, tarantino, the coen brothers, just all of them going “what the fuck? this guy is amazing. i must learn from this…” or something like that. not hard to see how its reputation got made when you consider that. you’re looking for an amazing film, and you’re not seeing anything particularly mindblowing. that’s because it’s a victim of its own success. every innovative thing in that film has been redone to the point of boredom nowadays. it’s simply impossible to overrate how influential this film was on every filmmaker who saw it at the time (and for years afterwards). THAT’s why it was considered the best film of all time. Not because of the story it told, but because of how it told it.
LikeLike
bear in mind, he also co-wrote it, produced it and starred in it. and he hadn’t done any of them before either. it’s laughable how talented that guy was, to be honest. if someone came along and did that nowadays, we’d be utterly gobsmacked. the nearest i can think of for impact in recent years is tarantino with reservoir dogs, and look how we all still follow him about…
LikeLike
How about Christopher Nolan? Didn’t we all collectively orgasm during the first time we watched Memento??
LikeLike
GOD DAMN A BIFFER SIGHTING!!!!! HI MY FRIEND!!!
Sure – I get that – I understand it – it’s just not my type of movie. I like boobs and blood and this offered me none of that.
COME BACK TO US!!
LikeLike
That zippo question is a great one.
And so are your observations about this film. I don’t like it either. In fact, of the three or four times I’ve tried to watch it … I’ve never finished it. Boring.
LikeLike
LOL – I was just watching a trailer for Silent Hill one afternoon and Radha Mitchell just pops out a zippo to get some light. I mean – why does she have one?
Thank you sir – this is totally boring….
LikeLike
Who says this is the greatest movie ever?! I’ve seen it so long ago, I can hardly remember. Awesome stuff, friend-o! I died of laughter at the pencil bit lol.
LikeLike
LOL! – it even said so on my Netflix envelope….!!
BTW – got BBW rented : ) I’m excited –
LikeLike
Woooo, can’t wait to hear what you think!
LikeLike
Hopefully I get to watch it this afternoon – BTW I tried to send you an email but I sent it to myself so I thought I’d just tell you here that I have your SHITFEST bit ready to go on Feb 12!!
LikeLike
Sweet! Looking forward to it :).
LikeLike
He didn’t say ‘Rosebud’ he said, ‘Bosco’
LikeLike
Oh yeah!!
LikeLike
I’m so happy you hated this because I have been able to understand its appeal. It’s boring, it’s uneventful, and who the fuck cares about a sled? I just don’t get it… Nor do I want to.
That being said, thanks for the Shark Night image. Sara whatdafuckshername has a nice Booty.
LikeLike
I’m always here to show you some Booty!
LikeLike
I’ve never seen it… and it doesn’t wildly appeal…
LikeLike
Hopefully this work of art I put together is all you’ll ever need : )
LikeLike
A deliciously piece of porky art.
LikeLike
I’ve never seen it because I just know I’d find it boring and be afraid everyone would think I’m an imbecile for not liking it. Glad to hear it’s really not worth watching.
LikeLike
HA!!!
At least everyone now KNOWS I am an imbecile… : )
LikeLike
At least you bothered to watch it-I couldn’t even do that!
LikeLike
HA!! : )
LikeLike
You didn’t like it, eh? I must say I have nothing but love for this movie, and not because I’m wanky and pretentious or anything. Or maybe it is.
LikeLike
HA!!!
LikeLike
I haven’t seen this. But your review is pretty confusing. Did you like it or not?
LikeLike
I am already in love with this series. Wonderful, sir. Come to think of it, the first and only time I have ever watched this WAS in a film class. I was very “whatever” about it. What’s on tap next?? Gone With the Wind?? Casablanca?? Birth of a Nation?? The possibilities are ENDLESS!!!
LikeLike
WONDERFULLNESS!!!!!
I queued a bunch of em up the other week – you’ll have to wait for the goodness to happen. Although – I’m sure I’ll bitch about them to you on Twitter : )
LikeLike
great review Eric,
The one time I watched this, I fell asleep in the middle and when I woke up, I don’t think I missed any bit of plot 🙂
Roger Ebert was HUGE fan of this movie and he even does a commentary on the DVD explaining everything
LikeLike
THANKS!!
LikeLike
BTW, is it too late to join Shitfest?
What are the rules?
LikeLike
Here you go, boss:
https://isaacspictureconclusions.com/2013/12/02/shitfest-2014-winter/
Send me something over to ei@theipc.me and I’ll fire it up – when it’s all over people will vote on their favorite entries and then I’ll tally the votes and, depending on where you live, you’ll either get a trophy like the one in the link or I’ll wire you 50 bucks (sending that trophy over to England would cost me 300 dollars so I can’t afford that LOL)
You should check out some of the entries from the last go around at this link :
https://isaacspictureconclusions.com/shitfest-2013-fall/
DO IT DO IT!!
LikeLike
I live in Israel, so you can just send me the 50 bucks 🙂
LikeLike
I sure will – IF you win : )
LikeLike
I am the one person on the planet aside from you (though you have now joined the masses) who has not seen this…
LikeLike
You should be OK with that!!
LikeLike
Trust me, that wasn’t me complaining 😛 I am happy and thankful and FREE!
LikeLike
Free?? Did you get your problem worked out?
LikeLike
Oh gosh no not quite yet. There is some movement on it so I am hoping for some grand news before I leave in the next twenty minutes otherwise tomorrow.
Everything still crossed for me?
LikeLike
ABSOLUTELY!!
LikeLike
Still uncomfortable? 😛
LikeLike
LOL!!!!
…….very!!!!!!!!
LikeLike
We need to get this over with so I can get back to normal….
LikeLike
Shame, I am working on it. Hoping I can relieve you tomorrow!
LikeLike
LET’S HOPE!!
LikeLike
Ugh! Citizen Kane. I honestly tried to watch it once. I mean c’mon, I’m a cinemasochist of the first order. SURELY, I have the metaphorical balls to make it through the “best movie ever made”… umm…. no. I turned that shit off in probably less than 20 minutes. For comparison… I watched the entirety of the weird Japanese horror/comedy Ass Zombies: Toilet of the Dead and I genuinely enjoy Killer Klowns from Outer Space. But Citizen Kane? Man, fuck that movie. Bravo to you though, for getting through it! 🙂
LikeLike
HI NICOLE!!!!
LOL!!! THANK YOU!!!
Where you been??
LikeLike
Well, I have never seen this. So no comments? But you don’t make me want to see it. I just feel that I should catch up with classics…although sometimes I’m not as motivated…
LikeLike
I suppose everyone should see it once – it’s just not my type of thing…
LikeLike
What? C’mon man! At least it doesn’t have a fucking Octopus! 😉
Boat Drinks!
LikeLike
Give it a name.
Boat Drinks!
LikeLike
Ha! I have NEVER seen this!!!
LikeLike
DON’T!!!!!
LikeLike