Isaacs Picture Conclusions


Be careful, I can’t find ANY screen grabs out on Google for this movie so I am going to have to make my own – so – be warned, there might be some boobs in this post.CHEERMASSACRE2A

This is one of those movies that’s difficult to pigeon hole and talk about. Is it good??? Absolutely not. Is there a decent production value? Fucking hell no.  How about the acting?? Pitiful. The story? It’s a bunch of hot chicks who get naked, soap up their boobs and get killed by robots. I mean – the IMDB synopsis isn’t even correct: “It’s Cheerleader Camp time and the beautiful, busty teams are ready to compete for the State Championship. On their way, one team is brutally murdered by a masked maniac, now the Red team will fight for more than the title” – um…. NO?? None of that happens??? I can’t even really tell what year this came out. 2009? 2011? 2003?? But – if anyone has ever looked at this page: TGOGTSBPOOBO – which not many people have, and I understand because that’s kind of a long read – but – this is my favorite type of movie – so, did I like it?? It’s a terrible thing but….. yes.


To start – a cheerleading squad is hauling ass down a road in some mountain range. They are all wearing sports bras, skimpy shorts that show their buns and they’re all stretching.  They deliver their lines poorly and suddenly some sort of fake looking flying device comes sizzling though the sky and slices one of the tires. The bus driver gets out and the thing comes flying back and slices his stomach and his guts come out all over the place. The cheerleaders scream and run and the thing starts lopping off heads and cutting off legs and soon everyone’s deader than fuck. Cue opening credits. Cut to a woman with huge cans taking a bath and soaping her boobs for a good few minutes. What’s not to like about the first ten minutes of this bad boy???


What follows is a bunch of women disrobing, showering, topless sunbathing, making out, having sex and getting murdered by unexplained robotic killing machines in a variety of ways. Now, I’ve never looked at the Playboy channel but back when i was single and living with my roommate, we subscribed to the Playboy channel and watched it all of the time. The majority of the programming on the Playboy channel that I never watched was a camera set in a shower where tall, wafer thin women with giant boobs took uninteresting showers and shaved various parts of their bodies – I think – because I’m not sure because I never watched it. This is just to say that most of it wasn’t fever inducing in the least bit and you’re not really going get the spirit from this either.


But there are some decent looking ladies in stages of undress, and a couple of hunky dudes for the girls out there but we should get one thing straight. There’s barely any cheerleading. In fact, I don’t recall one cheerleading outfit at all and the closest they got to any sort of exercise was some afternoon stretches.


But… if you’re into this kind of sub-genre I think you’d probably get a mild kick out of this. I mean, there’s some of this:


And a little bit of this:


I guess, if you choose to watch this for free on Netflix streaming, after it’s all said and done and the silliness you’ll be one of these:


OH WELL – I’ve definitely seen MUCH WORSE. Just think, SHITFEST starts soon!!!! Are you excited??? There’s still room for a few more entries in case you’ve been on the fence.


And – since we’re talking about boobs and butts and “I will telekinesis your ass so hard.” (even though I wasn’t talking about that) – our oily and greased up friend over at SCREENKICKERMOVIES has burned me in effigy and lauded me an award: The Most Shit Films Watched Award. I fuckin’ love it, because that’s the whole fuckin’ purpose of this place – to watch the shitty ones and report back so YOU, The Most Beloveds, don’t waste your time.  Maybe I’ll run across something I love (like tomorrow’s post), but, in general, I spend my time here for you.



  1. There’s not even any cheerleading in this?? Fuck that, then – I hate false advertising.

    For years I’ve desperately been trying to find a copy of a cheerleader movie I watched over & over again whenever I babysat my neighbor’s kid (once he was asleep. I always couldn’t wait for him to go to sleep so I could watch his parents’ mildly saucy movies). It was called Gimme An F & I’m sure it’s waaaay more mild than I remember. I was about 12. I’ve also never watched porn! Just like YOU! ; )


  2. Oh that is just so awesome that you won an award! I frigging love that badge that Mikey made for it! Wear it with pride, friend. And know that it is coveted. Jealously coveted by me. So watch your back, or I might steal it while you sleep.


  3. Pingback: The Secret Village (2013): Officially worse than ergot poisoning. | FILM GRIMOIRE

  4. TheWiseGuy

    Writing so-called reviews is more than just puting one word after he other. it is supposed to make sence. if anything, your ‘review’ is a perfect example of what happens when nowadays everybody and his brother thinks he is a movie criic. It’s so pathetic……..


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