*No one was drunk during the making of this post*
WHHAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTT??? FUCK YES!!! This movie rocked my lame ass!! It’s fucking brutal!! It’s hot chicks in Tee-Shirts and sweats beating the shit out of each other!! It’s bloody as fuck!! Zoe Bell!! Rachel Nichols!! Practical blood and gore effects!! Wicked ass score!! I loved this pretty much from start to finish! Will you like it?? A lot of people I read and love go on about 12 Years a Slave and Mud and things that I will probably never see as long as I live – The Butler – THIS is MY type of movie, right here. Is there too much dialogue?? No. PUNCH PUNCH PUNCH KICK SCRAPE PUNCH KICK EYE GOUGE!! Do we have to deal with a bunch of pretentious bullshit?? NOPE!!! KICK KICK KICK ELBOW ELBOW BITE BITE GUT-PUNCH GUT-PUNCH!! Do we have to deal with melodrama and horsecrap??? NO!!!! KICK KICK PUNCH PUNCH BITE BITE STRANGLE STRANGLE HEAD-SLAM HEAD-SLAM PUNCH PUNCH PUNCH!! This is balls out awesome and totally my kind of movie. I wish I had been involved with the production of it. Good God guys, if you make a sequel – give me a call, please. I’m very, very cheap and I don’t bite. I’ll also comb my hair and take a bath. But I won’t put out… I’m married. I only put out to MRS IPC.
I mean everything is a green-light-go here. Hot chicks in tight shirts fighting to a bloody death? CHECK CHECK CHECK CHECK. Let’s repeat: Hot chicks in tight shirts fighting to a bloody death? CHECK CHECK CHECK CHECK. The plot? Hot chicks in tight shirts fighting to a bloody death. CHECK CHECK CHECK CHECK. I know it’s early – the night i am writing this and drinking beer is 01-15 but, so far, this is my favorite movie I’ve watched (twice) in 2014. I really liked PRISONERS but it was all serious and grim and Atticus Finch-y solemn (and it was really good) but this one really rings my Bell – lol – Zoe Bell = YUM.
*NOTE – BIG BAD WOLVES now bears the distinction (if you could call it that) of favorite movie of the year so far
So YUM YUM Rachel Nichols goes on a date, takes a bath, gets tazed and wakes up in a dark room somewhere we know is just goddamn bad. The door opens and she wanders out into the hall. Soon , she comes across Bell and they head into this room and beat the fuck out of each other until one of them is deader than fuck. CHOP CHOP PUNCH SLAM KICK GOUGE KICK CHOP PUNCH. It’s brutal and bloody and beautiful. SMOOCH this movie.
The plot? Doug Jones and what’s left of Sherilyn Fenn are running a contest to see who will be the next Amazonian God-Queen or somethingorotherwhogivesafuck. This is movie is about a bunch of hot chicks fighting. End of message.
On a more sober note – ARE YOU READY FOR MONDAY??? SHITFEST FOREVER!!! Here’s another teaser: