BY:
Zombie Ass: Toilet of the Living Dead
Originally, I thought maybe I was taking the term, “ShitFest’ too literally by picking this film for my entry. I’m not above some good potty humor. What if Zombie Ass turns out to be a good campy horror flick? I mean, I kinda’ liked Monsturd.
Well, my worries about this being good were quickly vanquished as the film began. But first I want to say thanks to Eric and the IPC for receiving my entry… ok, ‘receiving my entry’ sounds a little porn-ish… for running this contest for which I have read and followed these past few years and finally got up the chutzpah to enter. Now, back to the film.
The first time that vomit crawled up the back of my throat and burned my nasal passages during this film was when this one ‘zombie’ guy, crawled out of a porta-potty covered in shit and opened his mouth to have more shit, roll out – it looked like a damn sweet-potato farm! One of the girl’s in this little group of friends investigating the zombie outbreak, farts, and the zombies chase her, trying to pull down her pants to get a good sniff. So, I’m thinking, the only people that will really like this are those with a serious shit fetish. I guess, if you want to see attractive Asian women sitting on the bowl or squatting over a hole in a porta-potty – making faces as they try to squeeze out a stubborn log – then this film is for you. Please keep reading, it gets better (worse).
There’s this back story for the main character/heroine about when she was young and a bunch of bully girls in school had her sister trapped in a bathroom but they wouldn’t let her leave until she forced out a fart, WTF??? So she farts, then commits suicide because she is ashamed, double-WTF???
It reminds me of a segment in the ABC’s Of Death, ‘F’ is for Fart – where one girl wanted to die by the smell of the other girl’s toxic fart in some weird lesbian fart mash-up. So the girl spews a yellow cloud and the other girl takes a big whiff, then gets sucked up into her colon and curls up in a fetal position, WTF??? I’m thinking this is the same director but I‘m too lazy to look it up and I‘ve spent too much time on this shitty flick already.
The zombies in this flick are infected by a parasite in the river that crawls up their butts and makes them crave poop. Yes, the zombie-like people need to be constantly covered in poop: eat it, wear it, fling it at others, roll around in it, spit it from their mouths, get it in their eyes… are you gagging yet? Yes, they even gag on it!
So, the parasites are these long worm-y looking things and there’s a scene where a worm-parasite is reaching out from this one woman’s ass and its connected into this other woman’s mouth and then out her ass and back to the first woman and all tangled and, I don’t know… it’s a big mess. Let some one else unravel that knot. It makes those Human Centipede flicks look like Disney films. There’s a great scene (and by great, I mean this is f**king ridiculous!) where the zombies bend over and the parasite heads are sticking out of their asses and they are chasing people by crawling backwards with their asses in the air.
Oh, I almost forgot to mention, the Queen-bee parasite enters the scene and she can fly. Now she’s after the heroine girl who for some reason (not explained) can fight like she’s in The Matrix. The girl farts, which provides jet-propulsion in order for her to fly too, so she can fight the flying parasite thing-y. A steady yellow cloud is emitted and she’s zooming around like someone had just let go of a balloon, and she’s administering karate chops to the queen parasite. (Star Wars ain‘t got nothing‘ on this!) Much like taking a dookie, I felt the need to wash my hands after watching this film.
Which reminds me, how many phrases can you think of that mean ‘making a doody?’ I came up with only a few: ‘pinch a loaf’ ‘drop a stool’ and ‘push a log.’ I know there’s a whole lot more – please help me out here in the comments.
Anyway, If you read this review and still feel the need to watch this, my advice is – just don’t tell anyone you did. Thanks for reading.
Love this review. Great job! : ) You know I actually read about this & considered choosing it for Shitfest? I mean, I like Eric but…. I just couldn’t do it to myself. I’m glad you were brave (or crazy?) enough. ; )
LikeLike
HA!! I don’t even think I will look at this one…
LikeLike
And you have VERY low standards… ; )
LikeLike
I’m not arguing with you there…………….
LikeLike
Come on Eric, I’m sure you’re gonna watch this… you are the founder of Shitfest and it is your doody… I mean duty… to watch the films reviewed during shitfest!
LikeLike
HA!!! I have actually seen this, so fucking weird! 😀
LikeLike
NICE!!
LikeLike
Hey Tim we’re in the ‘Brave the Poop Club’ now! glad to welcome new members!
LikeLike
Yay? Nope still washing my eyes out.
LikeLike
I am… nope, there are no words. I… what just happened?
LikeLike
LOL!! HAHAHAH!!!!
LikeLike
She farts and that makes her fly?
Um.
WTF?
LikeLike
Doesn’t everyone fly a little when they poot??
LikeLike
🙂
That is the most you have ever made me laugh. I mean that. Seriously.
LikeLike
LOL – awesome –
LikeLike
Based purely on this, it sounds like an entry for Awesomefest! 🙂
LikeLike
HA!!!
LikeLike
Hey Monkeyboy, don’t monkeys throw poop at the visitors in zoos?
LikeLike
…I swear to god I thought this was a joke…like, legit, thought it was phoney.
LikeLike
LOL – it’s real… real as shit!
LikeLike
Now streaming on Netflix, (or should I say steaming….) if you’re interested….
LikeLike
So this is based on a true story, right?
LikeLike
I think it’s based on Parlor of Horror’s weekends….
LikeLike
This last weekend for sure!
LikeLike
I actually have a mild phobia of poop so had trouble reading this but its amazing!
A phrase for pooping? ‘Curling one out’
LikeLike
Curling one out! Thanks Mikey b. I think you should watch this film as a treatment for your phobia. You’ll either be cured or wind up having a break down. 🙂
LikeLike
Man oh man – just when you thought it couldn’t get any shitier…there is this… Holy Shit batman!
LikeLike
HA!!!! Poor Mike…..
LikeLike
Now that is a piece of shit.
LikeLike
A terrible one too, I imagine….
LikeLike
This is hilarious. What a shitty film. I can’t believe this even exists.
LikeLike
Thank goodness for people like Mike!!! What a fucking piece o crap….
LikeLike
Wait, who you calling a peice o crap?
LikeLike
Yay, Zombie Ass!!!!! I’ve been wanting to see this since last year and it’s FINALLY on Netflix streaming!!
LikeLike
GOOD LUCK!!!
LikeLike
Why did I know you were going to like this? It really is a sight to see… Its like road kill, you know its going to be bad but you can’t look away.
LikeLike
This is SO the perfect movie for me, lol, that’s why! 😉
LikeLike
I hated the F is for Fart segment of The ABCs of Death and this looks like more of the same rubbish really.
LikeLike
I started watching the ABCs of Death again the other day and watched F is for Fat again. It’s just fucking weird. How is that horror?
PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT
LikeLike
But did you make it to ‘T’ is for Toilet?
LikeLike
Good lord. What on earth is this shit? This has to be one of the weirdest ones on here yet.
LikeLike
Fucking hell if I know where this came from….
LikeLike
You mean weird in a good way, right?
LikeLike
Oh yeah of course 🙂
LikeLike
And by using WordPress Movie Blogger’s Code (WMBC) – weird = BULLSHIT
LikeLike
I actually watched the first 5 or so minutes of this, then decided I’d rather shit in my own eyes than watch the rest. This was very brave of you.
LikeLike
How’d that work out, Brian… I can’t imagine what upside-down position you’d have to get into to have that happen – you must be a contortionist! If you video it, Zombie Ass might want to use the footage for their next film. 🙂
LikeLike
Not so hard after a little practice.
LikeLike
Ok, I missed this yesterday, I had like a stomach thing going on (and by stomach, I don’t mean stomach, if you know what I mean) and spent all day in the bathroom – but I hope you all enjoyed my selection for Shitfest! Thanks for all your comments – I hear they’re gonna do a sequel, yes a Zombie Ass II. I’m sure you’ll all enjoy that! If anyone does actually watch this, let me know what you think 🙂
LikeLike
Pingback: Stop by and see my entry to The IPC’s review feature, Shitfest! | parlor of horror
Oh wow, dude. I really shouldn’t have read this post while eating my lunch. But I stuck with it, and you did a great job! This movie looks painful to watch.
LikeLike
It gave me stomach cramps… and gas 😦
LikeLike
Apparently… ZOMBIE ASS GAVE YOU ZOMBIE ASS!!!!! BAM!!
LikeLike
Shit-faced and Zombie-assed is no way to go thru life, son. Dean Wermer, Animal House
LikeLike
Tomorrow’s entry is MUCH less Poopy, promise, Smash!!!
LikeLike
My God…how did you even find this?!?!?! I have no words…Other than “well done” and “you’re a trooper.”
LikeLike
I was just walking around and stepped in it 🙂
LikeLike
What. The. Ever. Loving. Fuck.
LikeLike
Fucking hell!!!! HAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!
LikeLike
Hey Zoe,
You sound excited, I’m assuming you want to see this one! 🙂
LikeLike
I have lined it up, the works! 😛
LikeLike
I think Zoe is searching every outlet in South Africa for this….!
LikeLike
I hear you get a free barf bag with the Bluray purchase!
LikeLike
HA!!
LikeLike
and the bag is shaped like an ass!
LikeLike
love it!
LikeLike
Genius write-up, laugh out loud worthy. I actually want to seek this out just for the laughs….
LikeLike
GOOD LUCK!!
Thanks for reading and commenting!!
LikeLike
I’m actually starting to like the movie just because of that 😀
LikeLike
HAHA!! I just read the title of this movie and was like this cannot go anywhere good and then the first screenshot and I’m like, ROFL but kind of disgusted also. Yeah, I’m staying away from this one. Awesome review! 🙂
LikeLike
I’ll thank you on behalf of Mike and bow to your good decision making in skipping this piece of shit. Literally. : )
HAHAHA!!!
LikeLike
Let’s not pretend we haven’t all seen videos of women pooping and vomiting in each other’s mouths at one point or another. No? Damn, this is awkward.
Some favorites: drop the kids off at the pool, drown a brown rabbit, back the finless brown trout out, feed the toilet monster, air strike Porcelainistan, open wide and let it slide
LikeLike
I didn’t see this until today – that’s some good ones, I’m going to start using, ‘drown a brown rabbit’ 🙂
LikeLike
I retract all my statements about this awesome movie and have watched it 6 more times since this review. Everyone should drop what they’re doing and go watch Zombie Ass, right NOW! because like a bad stomach virus it should keep spreading.
LikeLike
😯 I plan on ordering this.
LikeLike
A girl farts and it makes her fly… where you gonna’ see that? Its amazing!
LikeLike
Pingback: Shitfest: Winter 2014 – closing celebration | parlor of horror