Shitfest Winter 2014 – Would You Rather?
We all love this game, right? Ya know, the one where you ask ‘would you rather do X or have hands shaped like Y?’ That kind of thing. It starts off relatively tame but get a few drinks down you and it becomes a depraved mess.
You might think that applying that idea to a film would be stretching the concept a little, and you’d be right. Very right.
In Would You Rather?, we follow Iris (Brittany Snow) as she struggles to pay for her brother’s leukemia treatment. She is introduced to a rich philanthropist who offers to find her brother a bone marrow donor and pay for the treatment on the proviso that Iris compete in and win a game he has devised.
Guess what the game is? Yep!
So Iris rocks up to some mansion where she meets a bunch of other people who are also going to take part in the game, and then things get underway. Exciting!
First of all, the dude in charge offers Iris, a vegetarian, 10 grand to eat meat and some other bloke who’s a recovering alcoholic 50 grand to quaff some wine. Not really how the game works, but surely it’ll get more interesting…
Next up the participants but on headbands wired to give electric shocks, and they must choose between electrocuting themselves or one of the others. Now this is fine and a reasonably good premise, but we then have to sit and watch as it goes round pretty much every single person in the room, which gets very boring, very quickly.
Next up is whip someone or stab someone in the leg. Snore. Although the bloke who chooses to stab a disabled old lady in the leg because she won’t be able to feel it is a little amusing; less so when she pops her clogs a couple of scenes later.
The most interesting part is when the remaining players must choose between having their head dunked in a barrel of water for 2 minutes or take a chance with a mystery task. Iris chooses the water and, of course, survives despite her probably only being under for about 45 seconds, whilst some other woman’s mystery task involves being dunked under water for 4 minutes. She snuffs it after about 30 seconds. Super Iris!
I think this article has become as dull as the film, so let’s liven things up with our own game of ‘Would You Rather?’ with questions that really test the ol’ grey matter. Let’s begin…
- Would you rather have no elbows or hooves for feet?
- Would you rather have a paralysing fear of leaves or only be able to wear belts?
- Would you rather have sex with a goat and no-one find out or not have sex with a goat but everyone thinks that you did?
- Would you rather forward roll everywhere you go or between every other sentence shout ‘It’s a cookbook!’?
- Would you rather only be able to watch Michael Bay films or have your first born children cast into the Grand Canyon?
- Would you rather watch your parents have sex every day for the rest of your life or join in once to make it stop?
Hope you enjoyed that!
So yeah, it’s a ridiculous film. We also have D’Angelo Barksdale from The Wire turning up for the most useless role in film history and an ending you see coming an absolute mile off just to add insult to injury.
So save yourself some time; just get leathered and play the proper game with your mates.
From the host: I thought of this a little late but if anyone knows where today’s header comes from I would be willing to send you a little surprise…