Wow – this is a really weird fucking movie… I’ve never been a big fan of David Cronenberg – but then again, I haven’t seen much of his shit – but this is fucking noisy, weird, 70s and not really very good… sorry Cronenboners!! Boners for Croners!! SHITFEST FOR LIFE!!! You know, I watch a lot of movies from the 60s and 70s and it never fucking fails that there’s a LONG, LOUD motorcycle scene and this thing delivers. It seems like (but probably wasn’t) the first 20 minutes of this was a couple of people riding down a road on a motorcycle. VROOM VROOM VROOM VROOM VROOM VROOM VROOM VROOM VROOM VROOM VROOM VROOM VROOM VROOM VROOM VROOM VROOM VROOM VROOM VROOM VROOM VROOM VROOM VROOM VROOM VROOM VROOM VROOM VROOM VROOM VROOM VROOM VROOM VROOM VROOM. FOREVER……………..
Then they run into some sort of motor home and they go flying off into the air and the motorcycle lands on the chick and catches on fire and goddamn is she lucky they crashed in front of a Radical Plastic Surgery Hospital so they take her in and do some skin grafts and there’s Canadians everywhere going OOT and ABOOT and saying “eh” and drinking Mooseheads and smoking Camel Straights and showing their boobs and doing a lot of crying and having nightmares and writhing around on the ground and then the chicks starts biting people.
Then the doctor examines her fucking armpit and it’s got something that looks like a Hoo-Haw in it and this dong looking tentacle feely thing comes out and wiggles around and bites the goddamned doctor and then he goes around biting people and she bites a cow and soon enough everyone is biting everyone else and the Mayor of Canada calls for Martial Law and the police are going around killing people that bite other people and some dude molests the chick in a movie theater so the feely penis thing bites him and he dies and then he starts biting people and what the fuck is going on here anyway?
Whose thumb is that? Cara – is that your thumb? *SPOILER* Anyway – people go around biting each other all over town and eventually someone bites the main chick and she dies and they throw her in a garbage truck and then the fucking movie is over. And that’s the thing about this – a bunch of Canadian people bite each other and then it’s over. Is it worth your time? Probably not unless you want to see a bunch of Canadians running around biting other Canadians. I bet if we pooled our lunch money we could probably get SMASH or JOSEPH to take a picture of them biting someone and it would be a lot better than this thing.
Isaacs Picture Conclusions 
Cronenberg’s early stuff is bonkers. Never seen this one, but I’ve seen that one in a high rise, which I can’t remember the name of, and that’s well weird. I think his best film is Videodrome, or possibly The Fly.
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I don’t think you need to check this out unless you like armpit Hoo-Haws and VROOM VROOM VROOM-ing…
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That looks freaking disgusting.
This movie looks awful.
Good job 😀
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HAHAHA Zoe!!!! It WAS disgusting!!! I guess this wasn’t the worst movie in the world but I could live without it…
Thank you : )
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Meh. I just can’t get over how absolutely GROSS that thing looks.
😀
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IT WAS SOOOOOOO GROSS!!!!!!
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Wusses : )
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WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA???????
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I love how you were going down the usual Canadian stereotype joke for a while and then suddenly it veered into ‘crying, writhing around and biting people’.
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On a side-note, ‘crying, writhing around and biting people’ is also what I imagine an IPC party would involve.
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…………you already know…………
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Yeah. Canadians biting each other . . . . nope. Still not interested in seeing this.
Very funny review, as always.
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Thank you, sir!!
Yep – no one needs to watch a bunch of Canadians biting each other….
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Armpit hoo-hah’s are the worst!!!!!
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LOL!!! In fact:
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!
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I actually have seen this, didn’t realize it was Canadian, now I feel like throwing up.
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I KNOW!!!!!!
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I give this two thumbs up (your armpits). : )
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LOL!!
#thumbs
#youwish!!
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#ThumbsForEric!
#UmmNotReally! #Sweaty
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LOL!!!
#armpitsaregross
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You don’t need to pay me, this girl will bite for free!
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WONDERFUL!!!! Let’s get some pics!!!!
#pleasepleaseplease
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I’m not as easy as Smash, I need coaxing!!! Who should I bite, though?!
I have a boner for Croners!!
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HAHAHAHAHA!!!!! Go bite Film Hipster and get him the fuck back to work!!!
#CronerBoner
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As much as you hate this movie your description of this movie makes me want to watch it even more now.
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You SHOULD!!! And then go out and bite random strangers!! And post pics on your site!!!
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OK, I’m not really defending this, but where else are you going to see a blood-sucking, attack-Hoo-Haw in a woman’s armpit??? You got to give Croney some points for that!
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HA!!!!!! You do have to give it up for that!!
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Haha! This sounds ABYSMAL! I will definitely avoid at all costs.
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LOL!! I’ve really seen worse but – yeah – probably a good choice : )
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I give this review a THUMBS UP! See what I did there? 😉
…OUCH!! A RABID CANADIAN JUST BIT OFF MY THUMB!! HAAAALP!!
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I DID and….. CANADIANS!!!!!!!!
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THEY’RE HORRIFYING!!!!
…Just kidding. Mostly. Isn’t Joseph Canadian? #sorrycinemamonster
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He sure is but I heart him. This Canadian thing came from Film Hipster. Do you know him? He was the ultimate Canadian Canadian hater. : ) Well, I guess him and Brian… at least Film Hipster is a Canadian….! : )
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I have heard tell of this Film Hipster. I thought he was a mythical creature that only emerged from the Canadian wilds on cold, moonless nights…
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HAHAHAHA Cara!!
He’s a feral beast,covered in hairy warts. And lesions!! And he stinks!!
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Haha, you have a way with words Sir. I’m from the UK. How come Americans hate Canadians so much?
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LOL – I don’t hate anyone – it’s kind of a long running joke started by my Canadian friend. He doesn’t post any more but I think he still reads out here….
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That armpit…ewwwwwwwwwwwwwww
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LOL!!!! EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW indeed!!
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It’s been yonks since I’ve seen this but I remember liking it. Like Joseph, I have a boner for Croner too.
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That’s excellent news to wake up to.
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“Then the doctor examines her fucking armpit and it’s got something that looks like a Hoo-Haw in it and this dong looking tentacle feely thing comes out and wiggles around and bites the goddamned doctor and then he goes around biting people and she bites a cow and soon enough everyone is biting everyone else and the Mayor of Canada calls for Martial Law and the police are going around killing people that bite other people and some dude molests the chick in a movie theater so the feely penis thing bites him and he dies and then he starts biting people and what the fuck is going on here anyway?”
WHAHAHAHAHA! WHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
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LOL Ashley!!!!! HAHAHAHAHA!!!
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I watched this film the other day and your review sums it up perfectly! I just kept laughing at the arm vagina… I mean, it’s really impractical hahaha!
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HAHAHAH This fucking movie!!!!
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