I was really hoping to like this movie – really. Our man Joseph watched it and really liked it – and that poster is wicked awesome – and I like English shit (well, some of it) and all of that. SO I gave it a watch and it started out pretty creepy with someone eyeballing a chick taking a piss through a hole in the bathroom stall partition and then, HEY! It’s the dude from S.H.I.E.L.D.! Nice!! And then it went on and on and on and it was making me nervy and kind of worried for these two and then they added a third cast member and I was all “hey this is gonna be good!” and then it just kind of went on and on and on and on and on and I was REALLY let down by the fucking ending. So, as I let this ruminate for a few days before I started writing this piece, I started thinking more about how:
80% of this movie is two people driving around in a car. 10% is three people in a car and the remaining percentages are either one person in a car or people directly outside of a car. And with all of that, I still kind of liked the thing but…. it’s people in or around a car. BUT STILL! I liked it for the most part and then I reflect on the ending that is an incredibly bad decision and after all of that: there’s NO FUCKING explanation as to why all of this is happening. IS this guy REALLY THAT FUCKING MAD because someone spilled his beer? REALLY?? REALLY??? In 1995 my and some old friends drove from where I live to Chicago to watch OU play Northwestern in college football. We were getting shlacked 28-0 and it was hot outside so I took off my shirt because I was still young and skinny and some drunk must have been totally horny for me because he spilled his beer on my bare back. I turned to look at him like “WHAT THE FUCK ASSHOLE DICKSUCKHEAD???” and he was a giant of a man who could easily have stomped my testicles into alabaster powder. I was all “Come on!!” and he was all nice like “OH FUCK MAN I’M SO SORRY!!! HERE. PUNCH ME IN MY NUTS!!!” And I was all smart and thinking and logical and all “No dude. No way. How about you buy me a beer?” And he was all “NO MAN, PUNCH MY NUTS!!!” and I was like “I’m not punching your nuts.” and he was “DUDE PUNCH ME IN MY FUCKING NUTS!!!!’ and I was “I’M NOT PUNCHING YOUR FUCKING NUTS!!!” This went on for a few minutes and HIS friend talked him out of the nut punching and he went down and bought us two rounds of beer. All of this to say: Oklahomans are fucking classy people.
The dumbass point to all of that is: really?? Is the explanation to why ALL of this and all of the detailed planning that went into this because the dude from S.H.I.E.L.D. spilled someone’s fucking beer?? And still, I liked it. BUT… after everything that the audience has just gone through and the fact that this MIGHT be happening because someone spilled someone’s beer —– THIS is how it ends??? HUH?? WHAT??? HUH?? I don’t know. I don’t want to dog this movie because it’s not a dog of a movie like THE SECRET VILLAGE but I guess I was just kind of let down by the looseness of the plot and the ending. And the fact that it was just people in a car most of the time. Yet still, it worked for the most part.
In the end this certainly isn’t terrible but it’s not excellent because of some of the shit I shittily tried to write but it IS much better than a lot of the crap I watch. As in, I was at the grocery store earlier today and bought ANOTHER eight pack of horror movies for 4.99 USD. Check out the titles on this one: THE REFLECTING SKIN, OFFICE KILLER, FROZEN IN FEAR, PINPRICK, INVISIBLE, BROTHEL, THE PIT AND THE PENDULUM aaaaaaaaaaaand check it! A movie I really liked: STRANGE GIRLS!! Maybe this set will be better than the others….! (I doubt it). HAVE GOOD WEEKENDS EVERYBODY!!