Isaacs Picture Conclusions

NURSE (2013) THREE TOP HATS

NURSE1

Nurse….. “Rated R for bloody violence, strong sexual content, language and some graphic nudity”…. sounds right up my alley, right?? Paz de la Huerta (going forward referred to as PH) has some incredible looking knockers… the skinny intern girl from 30 ROCK doing some sex scenes….. bloody violence….???? All of this sounds like a WINNING combination for a guy like me… and I really didn’t like it that much… A very passive voiced nurse heals the injured by day and murders cheating husbands by night. In the meantime she has girl on girl sex and does voice over about eating ass and giving Katrina Bowden six orgasms.  She also walks around with no pants or underwear on frequently and has an INCREDIBLE jealous rage. All of this sounds totally IPC-y and yet…. not my favorite….

😯

NURSE2

This thing starts off with PH doing voiceover, calling herself a slut and  seducing some schmuck up to the roof of a hotel. There, she fondles his junk a little, asking about his wife and kids and then slices him in the artery that goes down his leg, next to his balls. With her passive Jennifer Tilly voice she tells him long he has to live and this and that and then tosses him off the fucking roof. K……….

NURSE3

A little later she meets Bowden who almost every male wants to see naked. She becomes her mentor and then falls in love with her and gives her roofies (or something) and does voiceover about eating her butt and giving her orgasms and films her fucking some stranger. The next morning PH walks around wearing a bra and nothing else and Bowden does the walk of shame even though she can’t remember anything and goes to the hospital to take a shower wearing her underwear. You all know me and that I am all for pointless nudity but, in the ten minutes encompassing these scenes, we get multiple shots of PH’s – um – cooter – and then Bowden goes and takes a shower with her back to the camera, wearing her underwear. I mean what’s the point here? There’s none – this is kind of “Disappointing Boobs”.

Nurse 3D

So… yeah… this is really bloody and there’s poundy sex here and there and PH has enormous jugs but… I just never gave a fuck for any of it. Her voice really started to irritate me very quickly, Katrina Bowden made it painful to hide her skin, Judd Nelson’s in it and has some poundy sex and… it’s just not even Horror Realistic to think that she can get away with all of these violent murders. And, of course, there’s a big GOTCHA moment towards the end that didn’t really have any purpose.

NURSE5

This movie kind of reminds me of this time I spent a lot of money on this fancy pair of shoes to wear to work and then I wore them to work and everyone kept talking about them and I got a lot of attention that I didn’t want so I only ever wore them twice and now they sit buried in my closet for two years. Good looking but not practical. I hope everyone has a good weekend!!!

On a different note – if you ever wanted to see what my office looked like or what I thought about the movie Uncle Buck – click anywhere in this paragraph to head over to the lovely Cinema Parrot Disco’s site and testify at how stupid I am!

44 comments

  1. As a half-gay, I’m a little disappointed this was so disappointing. I think if you have a no nudity clause as an actress, maybe you shouldn’t do horror movies….but that’s just my opinion. Although, the nurse riding the syringe like a broom was pretty awesome! And also sounds like it was the only awesome part of the movie.

    Oh, btw, I never understood that scene either in Uncle Buck where the kid looks out the mail slot. Who the fuck were those 3 guys?? They never made reference of it anywhere else in the movie!!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Damn upon seeing the poster for the movie and the way you describe it, this should actually be your favorite movie like ever. I’m sorry it was not! Paz was so good in Boardwalk Empire, I was surprised she hasn’t been in many movies and maybe its because she makes choices to make movies like this.
    #bloodysexkitten

    Like

  3. And again, on your blog, I say: What the what? How do movies like this even get made?

    Wait. Asked an answered. Nevermind.

    But certainly not something in which I have any interest. 🙂

    Like

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