So – well – yep – here we are. I don’t do many of these Considerations but once in a while I’ll look at an original and a remake and try to tackle them both. I really don’t remember why I got into this but here we are looking at the old Terry O’Quinn movie and the one from 2009. Oh wait. Now I do. Details below. Spoiler: Amber Heard slinking around in a tiny bikini is in the ’09 one. But we start off today with a blast to the past I totally remember renting this on VHS when it came out and I totally remember watching this and making out with this hot chick over in California. I even remember her name but I’ll spare that from the public and keep her identity safe. No one needs to know that she made out with me. I wonder if she reads this site…. for some reason I am getting a lot of hits the day I am writing this. I wonder if she’s stalking me.
It’s funny how stuff like that happens. The other week at work I ran into someone I hadn’t seen in forever and she was all “Heeeeeyyyyyyyy. How are you?? Someone I work with was just asking me about you the other day.” and I was all “OOOOOOOOOHHHH REEEEEALLLYYYYY? Who was it” and she gave up the name and I was all “OH WOW, I haven’t worked with her since, like, 2003”. and we had some yucks and now, this strange thing has developed up at work and now I am working with that lady from 2003 again on a daily basis. Isn’t that weird? So – I wonder if that chick from 1987 is pounding away at my blog today. @_@ who knows.
So, anyway, here I was the other day, minding my own business and I sat down with my lunch – a chicken pot pie – turned this one and what the fuck did I get for all of my troubles? Terry O’Quinn’s DONG is what I got!!! Or, like CARA said on Twitter: “SAUSAGE!!!!!” WHAT THE FUCK?? Here you go, Isaacs: have a dong. ERG…. Oh well. I pressed on an went down memory lane and watched as O’Quinn hams it up real nice and the foxy Jill Schoelen foxes it up real nice and they all get their “is this guy nuts or what” on. Jill:
I totally had a huge crush on her when I was in my teens. Like – totes. Are you familiar with the story? O’Quinn plays a dude who murders his family (ies) and then moves on to another one. In this family, Schoelen suspects he’s a fucking creep and it turns out she’s right!! Good thinking kid!! There’s lots of Suspecting This and Suspecting That and then there’s the All Hell Breaks Loose 80s Style Climax and it’s over. Queue a bunch of sequels because this was pretty popular. Did I mention I had the hots for this chick?? (No we didn’t make out)
Then, for some reason, some dudes with some money who watched this when they were kids get Amber Heard and her legs to do a remake that is fucking pointless and stupid.
I mean, for real, aside from Heard’s slinky bod, the remake is complete shit. It’s PG-13 tame, the lead males are fucking boring as shit and it’s a piece of crap. I mean, I guess, the only other thing going for might be that it looks modern and there’s no dongs but some people like dongs so there’s that. In any case, the remake was pretty awful, boring and pointless.
And…. just in case… let’s see if anyone is paying attention….
On a last note, Mrs. Cinema Parrot Disco is wrapping up her first blogathon today…. it’s a sad day but had to happen eventually. Like telephone numbers, there aren’t an infinite number of John Hughes movies. If you wanted to look at my sorry thoughts on Sixteen Candles for the big wrap party, you could do so clicking anywhere in this paragraph… : )