This movie really fucking sucked, guys. I can’t imagined that anyone who has ever seen this likes this thing. I’m not very critical of the movies from the 70s because that’s when I grew up and most of these movies bring back fond memories of a simpler and easier time, but this one is fucking awful. This showed up for me in Netflix as “BARN OF THE NAKED DEAD”… WHAT??? HELL YEAH!!! I was all over it!! Then, when I got it, I put it in and looked it up on IMDB to see if anyone I knew was in it and it’s called NIGHTMARE CIRCUS out there and yeah… my hopes for a barn full of naked zombie women started to fade. But, like a true Pimp, like a Boss even, I pressed on… and boy did it suck ass.
With miserable, scratchy film and ear bleeding mono sound, a group of chicks in bell bottoms and huge sunglasses head out from somewhere to Las Vegas. They’re models and they need to get there for a big gig. Someone decides to take a shortcut through the desert and their car suddenly breaks down. Lucky for them, there’s a guy in some sort of ranger tower nearby and he heads over to help them out. Turns out there’s no hope for the car so he takes them to his dilapidated home in the middle of the American wasteland and chains them to posts out in his fucking barn. Well shit!! I guess they’re going to be late for the big show!! Turns out there’s a bunch of other chicks chained up out there too. And get this – he’s going to train them to be his circus act!!! WHOOOOOOOOOOP!!!!!
And…. for all of this talk about nakedness there’s only one scene where anyone gets naked and it’s after their training sessions. After he chains them up and makes them walk around in circles, swinging their arms like fucking monkeys, they go back to the barn and sponge themselves off. Then he takes one of em outside and paints blood all over her tunic thing and unleashes a tiger on her and there’s there’s something with a fucking snake that, I think, is implied it kills her by going up her Whonanny and this movie just fucking sucked.
At some point they let this deranged and mutated mother fucker out of his outhouse he lives in and *SPOILER* he kills EVERYONE and walks off into the desert. LAME. In fact, you know what?
PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT. FUCK YOU, MOVIE. Here’s a special decision flow for you today.
You know, this even gets one of these:
Lol – you’re a true pimp for watching this shit! ; ) The 70s rule, though…. : )
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YES and YES!!!
#pimp
#boobs
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T9M Pimpin ain’t easy!
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The life of a Pimp is no snap.
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I know how you roll I bet you got dolla dolla bills pouring out of your pockets… your new name… G money!
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DOLLAR. BILLS.
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I don’t get it. How could a movie titled “Barn of the Naked Dead” suck?? It sounds like such a winner!
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I KNOW!!!!
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Is it me or does that decision flow graphic look like a big dong?
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Got dongs on your mind this morning, Chief??
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Dongs and apes are the only things Brian thinks about!
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Your computer graphic skills are really coming along!
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HEY!! THANKS!!!!!!!!
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LOL! “You sure fucking won’t! Love the impatient incoherence of that statement, like you can’t wait to tell me how shit this movie is :). As always Eric, funny and right to the point, excellent stuff!
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HAHAHA!!!! Love it!! THANKS JOSEPH!!
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Wait. No one can like this thing? That is good and wretched bad, that.
And you’re a Boss, huh? Awesome. And hilarious. Well done.
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I would feel bad if anyone ever watched this….!
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I certainly won’t be. 🙂
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EXCELLENT!
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Say it like you see it mate.
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I shoot it out straight.
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Sounds ace. This was called ‘Caged Woman 2’ in Germany. A sequel to nothing I guess. Has a solid 3.1 rating on IMDB. Of course someone in the comments gives it 9/10 and calls it a forgotten classic.
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This was fucking terrible and whoever wrote that should be hung.
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Reblogged this on I Love Terrible Movies and commented:
I’ll check this out despite IPC’s warnings, given the vintage of this flick.
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Really enjoyed the graphics and the title of your article.
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Thank you very much!!
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Bwahahahahaha! Oh I do so love all these badges popping up everywhere! 😀 This looks… so painfully… you poor soul!
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THANKS ZOE!!!! These are fun to make : )
This movie’s awful. I put myself on that grenade for you!!
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You are such a star!
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🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂
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I am liking the badges and flow charts. That killer guy looks scary! Hey kids wanna join the circus?
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THANK YOU!!!
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Eric, I will, indeed, NEVER WATCH THIS. Also: “But, like a true Pimp, like a Boss even, I pressed on…” Best. Sentence. I. Have. Read. Today.
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HA!!!! YAY!!!!!!!!!
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