Isaacs Picture Conclusions

BARN OF THE NAKED DEAD aka NIGHTMARE CIRCUS aka TERROR CIRCUS (1974) aka A REAL HUNK OF SHIT

NAKEDBARN1

This movie really fucking sucked, guys. I can’t imagined that anyone who has ever seen this likes this thing. I’m not very critical of the movies from the 70s because that’s when I grew up and most of these movies bring back fond memories of a simpler and easier time, but this one is fucking awful.  This showed up for me in Netflix as “BARN OF THE NAKED DEAD”… WHAT??? HELL YEAH!!! I was all over it!! Then, when I got it, I put it in and looked it up on IMDB to see if anyone I knew was in it and it’s called NIGHTMARE CIRCUS out there and yeah… my hopes for a barn full of naked zombie women started to fade. But, like a true Pimp, like a Boss even, I pressed on… and boy did it suck ass.

NAKEDBARN4

With miserable, scratchy film and ear bleeding mono sound, a group of chicks in bell bottoms and huge sunglasses head out from somewhere to Las Vegas. They’re models and they need to get there for a big gig. Someone decides to take a shortcut through the desert and their car suddenly breaks down.  Lucky for them, there’s a guy in some sort of ranger tower nearby and he heads over to help them out. Turns out there’s no hope for the car so he takes them to his dilapidated home in the middle of the American wasteland and chains them to posts out in his fucking barn. Well shit!! I guess they’re going to be late for the big show!! Turns out there’s a bunch of other chicks chained up out there too. And get this – he’s going to train them to be his circus act!!! WHOOOOOOOOOOP!!!!!

NAKEDBARN2

 

And…. for all of this talk about nakedness there’s only one scene where anyone gets naked and it’s after their training sessions. After he chains them up and makes them walk around in circles, swinging their arms like fucking monkeys, they go back to the barn and sponge themselves off. Then he takes one of em outside and paints blood all over her tunic thing and unleashes a tiger on her and there’s there’s something with a fucking snake that, I think, is implied it kills her by going up her Whonanny and this movie just fucking sucked.

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At some point they let this deranged and mutated mother fucker out of his outhouse he lives in and *SPOILER* he kills EVERYONE and walks off into the desert. LAME. In fact, you know what?

ASHAMED2

PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT. FUCK YOU, MOVIE. Here’s a special decision flow for you today.

NOPE

You know, this even gets one of these:

BS

34 comments

  8. johnlink00

    Sounds ace. This was called ‘Caged Woman 2’ in Germany. A sequel to nothing I guess. Has a solid 3.1 rating on IMDB. Of course someone in the comments gives it 9/10 and calls it a forgotten classic.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

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