Isaacs Picture Conclusions

21 AND OVER (2013) BUTTS AND COCKS ABOUND

21A

This movie….. I really didn’t care for this thing and it’s not because of what I am going to get into later it’s just… I don’t know… I mean – we’ve all seen teen sex and drinking comedies our whole lives so I guess if you want to make one for a new generation of teenagers you have to up the ante since it’s just the same fucking story over and over. I don’t think I’m some sort of fucking prude but this one… this one was just gross. And stupid. In typical fashion, Douche Character 1 comes into college town for his douche friend’s 21st birthday. Douche Character 2 picks him up at the airport and spouts out douchey dialogue. At Douche Character 3s house they convince him to go out for “just one drink” on his 21st birthday even though he has the interview of his life the next morning. Reluctantly DC3 goes out and the promptly have 97 beers and countless shots – including cleavage and out of the belly button of a nude and obese man’s belly button shots. Then, DC3 gets on a bar and pees on a bunch of people:

21D

If I was standing in a bar and got peed on I would break that mother fucker’s neck but this crowd all loves it. They get kicked out and head to another bar and this and that and then DC3, as drunk as possible with probably a 5.8 Blood Alcohol Level decides to ride a mechanical bull and:

21B

We are presented with the longest slow motion puke scene in the history of moving pictures. So now DC1 and DC2 must get passed out dead DC3 back to his house but they don’t know where he lives so zany antics ensue, right? There’s some shit involving two girls making out and getting spanked, a giant animal let loose at a pep rally, a zillion drinking games and even a Spanish Inquisition style ritual. So now, I want to address something. I have been called out before for being too Boob Centric so, ladies, here we go:

21C

What can we glean from this image???

The Situation: These college age boys have been kidnapped, drugged and are now facing a group of Sorority Girls they pissed off earlier in the film Spanish Inquisition Style.  They are facing a jury of women who want to severely punish them for making two pledges make out with each other earlier on.

Evidence A:  What the fuck’s going on with their loins? How is the douche gas station workin’, beer drinkin’ and pot smokin’ guy on the right so so fucking chiseled underneath his tits??

Evidence B: What the fuck’s with the guy on the left’s loins??? Do chicks like that???

Evidence C: I’ve seen penises before. I also have one. Presumably these two anuses are in fear of what’s getting ready to happen to them, since they are seriously in dutch with these Hispanic sorority sisters they all pissed off to no end. When in fear, for natural protection, a man’s testicles retreat slightly up into his body cavity. Simultaneously, the male penis will shrink to protect itself from getting damaged.

Evidence D: A sock utilizes stretchable elastic to maintain a secure grip around a person’s calf muscle.

21E

The Verdict: these two youths have gigantic horse cocks and their lives would be best spent abandoning college and servicing lonely housewives around the world. This movie is OK I guess…. with “OK” being very loosely OK. You probably already know if you’re going to like it or not. Very mindless and very loud with lots of piss, vomit and dongs. Oh… and the Asian kid character gets drunk and when he wakes up he eats a tampon because he thinks it’s candy and they show the entire thing. It was pretty gross.

DONGS

48 comments

  2. Zoë

    Kind Chop,

    This looks… heinous. Totally going to be skipping it. I was just thinking if someone took a leak on me I would be inordinately peeved about it…

    Much love,

    JB

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  3. Wednesday's Child

    That guy on the right is named “Skylar.” What the hell happened to names like Mike, Chris, or Dave? I would not be interested in the loins of a guy called “Skylar” even if I was from the Omega Mu sorority.

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  8. Smash

    I flipped this on one night for something mindless to watch while I waited for my pizza delivery. Shut it off after 5 minutes and then stared at the wall for the rest of the night. Time well spent!
    I commend you on being able to make it all the way through this shitty excuse for a movie.

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  10. snapcracklewatch

    I seriously laughed the whole time reading this.. douche 1 2 and 3… ass holes. I saw this movie and I was bored senseless it felt like it was trying too hard to be cool. It was like they did Project X so then they thought this movie would be a great idea too. The whole sock comment ok you are so right… that is meant for a calf muscle… c’mon kids get with the program.

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