Happy Monday!! UGH – back to fucking work….
You know – I’ve had submissions for screeners twice. The first time was some movie with Tia Carrere who I had just met at a Star Trek Convention and she was a total bitch so I declined. This time around I got an email late on a Saturday night and the director seemed cool and I’m all about some independent film so I replied back and said “sounds good” (or something) but I still wasn’t totally sold. I mean, I’ve always thought about screening movies and wondered how objective I could be if someone went out of their way to send me some of their hard work… I KNOW my shit is BULLSHIT but I would hate to dog someone’s baby if I didn’t like it because it takes balls to make a movie and put it out there, but I also don’t want to come out here and fucking sell out and lie, so I was leaning towards saying no, but then the director was cool enough to send me this:
“While I have you, as I like to tell anyone kind enough to potentially review: I am in no way looking for a fluff piece etc. and I’m sure you don’t swing that way, to begin with. If it turns out you don’t dig the piece, please by all means be from the gut, and giddily enthusiastic in tearing it to ribbons, haha. I write on Cinema myself for a site and advocate strongly for raw honesty in matters of Film. Just like to say that in front, as I prefer feedback as unfiltered as possible. Not asking you not to like it, haha, just saying :)”
Fuck yeah. Instant cred with me. So did I like it??
Like I said earlier, I think it takes balls to make a movie and I appreciate that a movie gets made and I support independent film but…..
Because the director was cool and kind enough to make time sending me his film, here’s a gentlemanly take on the movie:
No I didn’t like this one very much. The Good and Most Beloved Reader who has been around for any period of time knows that I don’t care for too much dialogue and this one was very dialogue heavy. In fact, there was very little action and it was mostly one guy talking the entire time. In double fact, at one point one character says to the other “If someone tied your hands behind your back, could you even speak?” This is a reference to the lead talking constantly and waving his hands around all over the place. Simply put, this isn’t my type of movie but the director seem pretty cool and I appreciate the chance to look at it. I bet he reads this (since he asked me to write about it) and I bet if you ask him, he’ll let you look at it too. Other people will probably like this more than I did. I just didn’t care for all of the yapping.
(In the end, I shot him an email asking about his site and he agreed for me to include the address in here, in case you want to give it a shot. I bet he would love to read your take on it! The place to find the movie is here: http://apublicransom.wordpress.com/ and the password is pransom)
And now, since Mr. Director Friend said he didn’t care if I tore it up, since he wants honesty, here’s my other take, in typical IPC style:
GOD DAMN will this guy EVER SHUT THE FUCK UP??!?!??!?!??!! Who uses so much fucking inflection??? FuUUUuuuUuUUUUuuuuuuck!
BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH.
And that’s just the first ten minutes or so when he’s talking on his cell phone. He then talks to his girl friend and then talks on his cell phone and then goes to some dude’s house and they do some talkin’ and then he talks on his phone a few more times and then talks to the girl again and then the guy and then the girl and then on his phone and then the guy again and he waves his arms around all over the fucking place and does some more talkin’.
Eventually he shuts his fucking yap and walks around in the snowy night smoking cigarettes. But that doesn’t last too long and he starts talking again and yelling and waving his arms around and jumping around a little bit and then it’s over. Like I said, some people will probably like this but it’s just not my type of movie.
I do thank you, Mr. Director Friend for letting me check out your movie. I prefer my movies with more blood and boobs.
Love,
THE IPC
Dear Chop,
Seriously now, what is up with Mondays? Is there any particular reason we have to suffer through these godawful things?
How diplomatic. Pity it was so dialogue heavy, you might have felt differently if there was more action and boobs. In any event, let’s see what he has to say. Maybe I will check this out sometime!
Love,
JB
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My Dearest JB,
Did we even have a weekend back there? YAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWN CRY CRY CRY.
Yeah….. way too much talking for me and way too much cell phone usage. Who talks that much on a cell these days??? Text, man. Text!!!
LOL – this has been good fun despite how I felt about the movie – the director has been a class act. You should give it a shot and let me know what you think! Time for a nap!
Love,
Chop
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Dear Chop,
CRY CRY CRY some more. Maybe someone will hear us and give us the weekend back!
We shall see.
Nap. Immediately. BEST IDEA EVER.
Love,
JB
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Dearest, Dearest JB,
To make matters even worse, IT’S STARTED FUCKING SNOWING outside on April 14th. WTF???
CRY CRY CRY CRY!!!!
Fondly and Coldly,
Chop
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My fairest Chop,
Oh dear… that sort of came out of nowhere! I hope that you are snug and all that, and that the snow stops soon (I know you are such a fan).
SULK SULK SULK.
Love,
JB
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Lol! This is so not YOU. ; ) I probably wouldn’t mind it. I love movies where people just talk a lot! Give me a Richard Linklater film any day. : ) Mr Director – don’t worry too much about Eric – he honestly does just like boobs & blood. And a bit of sci- fi. But we put up with him anyway. ; )
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HI!! Yeah………… not really my type of thing – but I TRIED!!!!
Thanks for putting up with me! I know it can be difficult some all of the time.
#boobs
#probies
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Same here I love movies where they talk a lot, but for Eric if you are going to talk a lot it better have boobies. Are the Directors of the world reading this right now? If so please take note of Eric’s request.
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All I ask for are a couple of boobs…. IS THAT SO WRONG????
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Just a couple FUGS that’s all!
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I’m always down for some FUGS!
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I don’t think this director quite knew what he was getting into.
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LOL
Hey – when’s our quote thing coming out?
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This… this is a damn fine question!
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Soon. Give me a week.
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Excellent.
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Haha–no, I’d no idea what I was letting myself in for, but I’m so glad I did let myself in. Someone doesn’t dig on something, well, this is the way to say so, right? Haha. Really fantastic–so much more worthwhile than a “politic” response. Thanks, Eric, for soldiering through–it seemed a particularly rough time of it for you–yeah, nary a boob in sight and a real blabber fest, to boot 🙂 Cheers. -Pablo D’Stair (writer/director A Public Ransom)
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Thanks again for the opportunity, sir! While I didn’t love it enough to marry it, I’ve had fun with the whole project.
Thanks again!
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Ah, Mr Director Friend in the net-flesh! Great to see you are such a good sport about it, and good you didn’t know what he would come back with, right? The IPC is an honourable and upstanding man/institution/Trekkie/reviewer/Star Chop, though he is not dialogue intensive haha, which is a pity (he misses the point of some stellar films due to this from time to time) – next time throw in a gratuitous boob and he will be sold!
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Oh, believe me I tried, haha. People are so shy about disrobing around me, for reasons I just cannot fathom. Rest assured, I will try to sprinkle so T&A in my next talkie 🙂
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Sounds like you need to work on your bedside manner with your cast hahahaha! 😛 Just kidding! Looking forward to attempting to fight my bandwidth into loading this up for me!
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I kept waiting for the lead lady’s boobs to pop out but….. 😦
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Pablo – I meant to reply earlier, that I see you were a producer on The Canyons. I’ve never been much interested in that aside from Lindsay Lohan’s boobs but, since we’ve had good fun with this one, I am going to give it a go soon 🙂
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Zoe–I already WAS working on my bedside manner, I think that’s why at least there were no restraining orders issued 🙂 Baby steps, baby–baby steps. Maybe in the next film, right 🙂
theipc– Indeed I did dabble with The Canyons–wrote a whole slew of essays before, during, and after the production of it if ya wanna have a look (all very different style). My final take can be found here: http://battleroyalewithcheese.com/2013/08/a-freeform-analysis-of-paul-schraders-the-canyons/ and if you wanna poke at any of my other film writing (Canyons or otherwise) it’s all here: http://pdstair.wordpress.com/cinema-essays/
Bwahaha–taking advantage of comments sections to plug my obscrua is where it’s at!
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Patience truly is a virtue!
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I will go check that stuff out – thanks for the referral!
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You, sir, just found a fan, though I’ve never seen any of your work. Anyone confident and sincere enough to respond as such to Eric’s reviews is a winner in my book. (If you’re willing to let me . . . I’d also be happy to give A Public Ransom a watch. It sounds much more like my kind of film than Eric’s.)
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Cheers mate–I appreciate it. Please do check it out. It is free to all. I’d love to know what you think 🙂
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I can no longer access your blog during my work lunch break because it contravenes my company’s acceptable use policy…
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WHAT????????????
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
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Fortunately I still have a phone 🙂
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THANK GOD!!!!!!!!
#loveya
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I hope no one is surprised by that.
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HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
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Haha. Brilliant. Awesome of the director, too, for being what we’d all like artists to be: willing to throw their art out there and being understanding when it doesn’t connect.
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Thanks and absolutely! You should give it a shot!
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Hi all–figured rather than trying to stalk your all’s e-mails (I think I found a few of you before figuring there was an easier way, haha) I’d just mention here that any one who feels like giving the film a look and possibly writing something up on it–well, I’d just effing love that. Obviously it goes without saying I dig on all reactions–positive, negative, or ambivalent. As this review says, the film is free to view at the link provided. Alternately, we have a page at IndyRed (here: http://www.indyred.com/a-public-ransom.html) that allows for comments and ratings and all. And you can drop me a line, if that grabs you, at unburiedcomments@gmail.com. Cheers in advance for anyone who even considers it.
-Pablo D’Stair (writer/director A PUBLIC RANSOM)
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Hey Pablo, we’ve started having a kind of live tweeting social gathering where we all watch the same movie at the same time and comment on it live. Maybe we could do this with Public Ransom? I’ll definitely watch it, sounds more like my kind of thing. Not that i don’t like boobs of course but i enjoy dialogue too!
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This, sir, would be fantastic. Let me know how this could be gone about, mate, I’d dig it the most.
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You could join in! Eric usually arranges these things so I’ll talk to him 🙂
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I’ll get back on Twitter just to do so 🙂 That’d be fun. Keep me in the loop, mate.
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Sounds good mate. When you get on I’m @metalmike25
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I nominated you for an award.
http://wp.me/pXmvo-Og
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Thank you!
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Welcome.
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“Blood and boobs…” theipc’s preferred drink of choice ;).
Well, at least the director was nice! Since you don’t like heavy dialogue, I suggest you check out The Counselor ;).
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You know it!!!!
LOL – maybe…..
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Do you think Pablo D’Stair and Robert Z’Dar are related?
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Perhaps!!
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This poster is, also, ridoculus.
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Perhaps!!
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I hadn’t even seen this comment, haha. You’ve hit my MANIAC COP love button–I was just publicly lamenting that it’s been more than 20 years since the last installment in that franchise, haha.
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Wow, Tia Carrere is a bitch? But she was so nice in Wayne’s World!!
This director sounds very diplomatic. I actually admire him for putting himself out there. Excellent review Eric. 😉
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Thank you!! Yep – she was a TOTAL bitch…..!
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At least you’re honest! Maybe a bit TOO honest?! haha
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I call it like I see it…. no fluff out here, my man….
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Very cool that you got to screen this and I am glad that you were honest for us movie nerds out there. Thank you Boob man thank you.
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I would never lie to you! I’m not sure if the director is still paying attention out here but he would love it if you watched it and wrote about it : )
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Of course I’ll watch anything!
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snapcrackle–I’m always paying attention. I’m a lurker from way back. I’d love it if you had a look 🙂
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Boy, did Mr Director Friend misjudge his audience!
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LOL
Hopefully it’s still worked out for him!
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The only way to misjudge an audience is to prejudge them–artists, film directors especially, are worthless, just utterly pathetic, if they only want to show their work to people they think are guaranteed to dig it–where on earth is the adventure or connection in that supposed to come from? Besides–no one is guaranteed to like my work, haha 🙂 And this thread has been the most fun out of all the responses I’ve gotten by far, so much better than a circle-jerk, right? 🙂
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Glad you see it that way. Best of luck with the film.
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Haha I LOVE how you have responded to this post! I will be watching the film soon for my review so I cannot comment on it yet, but after having had some bad reactions from directors in the past when I’ve been negative towards their work it is so refreshing to read this thread!
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Mr Rumsey–Cheers mate. I look forward to your verdict, mate 🙂 Thanks again for taking the time out for it.
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How cool that you got to do this! People are coming to you to review their films?! You’re FAMOUS!!!
#famousprobie
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LOL!!! Poor Pablo took the wrong turn in the city and came across the slimy IPC Alley… 🙂
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It’s easily done. I think that’s how the rest of us got here, isn’t it?
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………………………………………………….yes……
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Kind of you to take the chance, sir IPC. And even kinder still of you to be honest. You may not have enjoyed the movie, but this was probably a rewarding experience nonetheless.
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It sure was! This was good fun!
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It’s too bad this wasn’t called ‘A Pubic Ransom’.
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If ONLY!!!!
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I love the director, he sounds like a dude, but I’m 13.02 minutes in and I’m hating the main character. He’s a douche. It feels like this is going to be hard work.
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Well – I hope you read my review and not just the comments….. he’s a little tough to get used to – which I never did…..
I’ve never heard a grown man talk so much in my life….
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It was mainly blah, blah. blahs right? I like to make up my own mind, but this guy really does seem very unlikeable, so far. And a bit like he’s doing a Woody Allen impression, which is quite irritating.
I’d like to add at this point, that I totally concur with what you said, insofar as I also have the utmost respect for anyone who can get off their arse and make a film happen, It’s amazing, I bow to the effort and determination this must take. Kudos, as I believe you guys would say.
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Mainly, yes – LOL
This character is very unlikeable…
On case you forgot, here’s the director’s second movie:
https://isaacspictureconclusions.com/2014/08/13/doctor-lawyer-indian-chief-2014-lets-talk/
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One thing at a time, let’s see how I get on with this one!
At the minute, I’m feeling a tad confused by the quasi-Shakespearean dialogue between the main guy and the girl who I think is his wife?
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Lol – I believe it!!
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51 minutes in, I might have to come back to this tomorrow…
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You have to finish…. at some point… don’t be a premature ejector…
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I will, I will. Just struggling to do it all in one sitting. I’m interested to find out what happens but the guy is hard work.
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YEP!!!!!
Let me know what you think when you finish, either here or on your blog. If you let Pablo know you reviewed his film, I’m sure he would come give you a visit.
The second outing is….. better. It’s also shorter but it’s still just a bunch of god damn talking…
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I’m intrigued enough to finish so will definitely aim to post something. Good old Pablo!
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Pablo’s a good chap!
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