From the 5 Dollar 10-Pack Shitfest Box comes one of the most god-fucking-awful things I’ve ever sat through. Ever. The first ten minutes of this are shots of two people driving down a highway. Then the guy doesn’t know which exit to take so he and his wife fight about it. Then they do some more driving and then they pull over and the husband goes and sits and looks at some fucking water. This was about twenty minutes in and I was already ready to hang myself. But I didn’t. Because this movie is obscure and really sucky, I’m having all sorts of trouble finding picks of it to share and I’m not wasting my time making my own screenshots of this shit but, I did think the lead actress was cute:
But that’s the only thing this stupid fucker had going for it. It turns out that the couple is getting a divorce so they’re driving up to the old family cabin to sell it. YAWN. After the opening sequence they do some more driving and bickering and then come to another body of water and do some staring and some crying and some hugging and then the husband drops trou and hops in the water. YAWN. Then she does too and they swim over to some fucking raft thing and have a moment of smooching kissy face and….
A couple of fucking rednecks with droopy jeans and brain disorders show up on shore and start playing with the husband and wife’s clothes. “Yuk yuk yuk” they speak in their typical hillbilly language all East Coast movies give them. “Yuk yuk snort” they go through his jeans. “Snort fart piss nose pick” they play with his car keys. “Butt pick butt pick ball scratch snort” they pick their butts. Oh… and their names are Bobby and Bep.
Eventually the husband and wife get back to shore and clothe themselves and then the rednecks take them into a shack and they scream at the couple calling them their mom and dad and Bobby beats up the husband and Bep almost rapes what he thinks is his mom and they haul their dad outside in the middle of the night, you think to kill him, but she wakes up in the morning and he’s just out in a boat in the water. End. STUPIDEST FUCKING THING EVER. I hope I didn’t just ruin this for you. Sorry – SPOILERS!! Never watch this movie please. And since I can’t find any pictures of this movie, for the boys, here’s some boobs I saw on the internet last week:
For the ladies, here’s a picture of local basketball hero Serge Ibaka’s giant weenie:
(Both images can be clicked to enlarge)
(I don’t mean to enlarge his weenie)