FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK
From the 5 Dollar 10-Pack Shitfest Box comes one of the most god-fucking-awful things I’ve ever sat through. Ever. The first ten minutes of this are shots of two people driving down a highway. Then the guy doesn’t know which exit to take so he and his wife fight about it. Then they do some more driving and then they pull over and the husband goes and sits and looks at some fucking water. This was about twenty minutes in and I was already ready to hang myself. But I didn’t. Because this movie is obscure and really sucky, I’m having all sorts of trouble finding picks of it to share and I’m not wasting my time making my own screenshots of this shit but, I did think the lead actress was cute:
But that’s the only thing this stupid fucker had going for it. It turns out that the couple is getting a divorce so they’re driving up to the old family cabin to sell it. YAWN. After the opening sequence they do some more driving and bickering and then come to another body of water and do some staring and some crying and some hugging and then the husband drops trou and hops in the water. YAWN. Then she does too and they swim over to some fucking raft thing and have a moment of smooching kissy face and….
A couple of fucking rednecks with droopy jeans and brain disorders show up on shore and start playing with the husband and wife’s clothes. “Yuk yuk yuk” they speak in their typical hillbilly language all East Coast movies give them. “Yuk yuk snort” they go through his jeans. “Snort fart piss nose pick” they play with his car keys. “Butt pick butt pick ball scratch snort” they pick their butts. Oh… and their names are Bobby and Bep.
Eventually the husband and wife get back to shore and clothe themselves and then the rednecks take them into a shack and they scream at the couple calling them their mom and dad and Bobby beats up the husband and Bep almost rapes what he thinks is his mom and they haul their dad outside in the middle of the night, you think to kill him, but she wakes up in the morning and he’s just out in a boat in the water. End. STUPIDEST FUCKING THING EVER. I hope I didn’t just ruin this for you. Sorry – SPOILERS!! Never watch this movie please. And since I can’t find any pictures of this movie, for the boys, here’s some boobs I saw on the internet last week:
For the ladies, here’s a picture of local basketball hero Serge Ibaka’s giant weenie:
(Both images can be clicked to enlarge)
(I don’t mean to enlarge his weenie)
The guy with the glasses on his head is smirking like he’s actually posing for a picture with the weenie and not the weenie life support system, in his mind.
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LOL – he probably is. Being local – pictures like this went around and around and around the block a couple years ago. Trust me, this is a tame “Google safe search” image.
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LOL what the hell did you watch? This looks positively dreadful!
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Dearest JB,
FUCK it was TERRIBLE!! NEVER again!!
Love,
Chop
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Dearest Chop,
I admire the things you put yourself through for us.
Much love,
JB
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Dear JB,
I do this so you NEVER have to.
Love,
Chop
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Wow, this sounds bad. Wow, you just happened to find a picture of some tits on the internet? How did that happen?? ; ) And, I don’t know who Serge Ibaka is but… Wow once again!
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I thought you might like this post…………..
…..
………………
#weiners
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UMMMMMM WOW !!!!!!!!!!!!! I wanna know who he is ! LOL
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LOL!!
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I shove my tits in everyones faces on a regular basis…so..it was highly likely he would have stumbled across them at some point.
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And I’m NOT complaining……………..
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I guess Serge’s new nickname should be “Cock I-block-a”.
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UM… lol
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
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Am I just now realizing that you’re a fellow Okie?
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Hey! How about that!! OKC!
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Well slap my ass with butter and call it a biscuit! Ain’t that just the shit. [I know, I sorry…Things just got a little “Okie” weird.]
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HA!!! Hey send me an email to ei@theipc.me sometime and we’ll Okie-chat (if you want)
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Brian is going to be in HEAVEN.
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LOL
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Why would you subject yourself to such torture lol
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LOL – so NO ONE else has to!
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Um. Why is Ibaka chubbing there?
And I. Will. Never. See. This. Movie.
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This is actually a very tame PG 13 version of this chub. Trust me. As a local, there were LOTS of pictures going around at the bar one night.
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I guess I shouldn’t be surprised . . .
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No… probably not….
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One of these days, I’m going to pick up some anthology from the Shitfest bin and just watch like you. I want to try everything in life once :). And holy Jesus Christ, that’s a huge wang! I’m so self-conscious right now :(.
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LOL!!! YOU’VE BEEN WARNED!!!
That fucking dong is as big as my forearm!!
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Bro, I might as well cut off my penis after seeing this guy’s. I mean there’s no point anymore lol.
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LOL!!!!
Don’t do THAT!!!
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Thanks for the Bewbs 😀
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One of my favorites.
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I believe it….
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And also, TWO of my favorites!
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AMEN BROTHER!
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Eric I am laughing out of my mind right now. LOL. Best post ever! Ps… have you seen the websites dedicated to Jon Hamm’s thingy they call him the Hammaconda? Google it apparently that happens to him a lot too!
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HAHAHAHAHA!!! GREAT!!!!
I haven’t but that night the pics of Ibaka were going around I saw lots of Hamm too!
Gross!!
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Best. Review. Ever…..and thanks for the giant dick pic. THUMBS UP!
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HAHAHA!!! Thanks!! and –
THANKS!!!!!!! (you know what I mean)
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It’s our little secret!
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HA!!
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Ahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahaa! [laughs uncontrolably]. Wow, that film sounds baaaaaaaad. You should reward yourself by watching something good.
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God damn, it was AWFUL!!!! I know – I do need to – any suggestions??
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Hmm…you could go classic if you want to be sure of getting a good one. Something Hitchcock maybe or, Baby Jane, Night of the Hunter…? Something funny maybe, ooh, Some Like it Hot is one of my favourites, Arsenic and Old Lace is up there too.
Have you seen Serial Mom? I watched it the other day for the first time in 20 years and it was great fun.
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Good choices!! Arsenic and Old Lace is greatness.
I think I kind of remember that one… Kathleen Turner??
I ended up renting something called The Unleashed. It’s OK but it’s still a MILLION times better then this thing.
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Yes, that’s the one, with Kathleen Turner. Genius!.
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I think I’ll look that one up for watching! 🙂
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Sounds like one of those blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah talking films that you hate!
Also it looks like Serge Ibaka should be playing baseball, not basketball.
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LOL!!!
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Best. post. ever. hahahah, well played my man.
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HAHAHA!!! THANKS!!
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Hmm. Yeah. This sounds…pretty boring. Poor Eric. Why must he suffer so??
#probiesuffering #gowatchgravityyoullfeelbetter #atleastshitfestsocial2willbefun
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So YOU don’t have to!!
#ifuckingprotectyou #iamonthatwall #yayihopeyoucanmakeititriedrealhard
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Well this sounds like something I want to utterly avoid at all costs!
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FOREVER and EVER!!!
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LMAO! For future reference, I don’t need to see the outline of a giant dong. A shirtless Zefron will do just fine. And I mean, fiiine.
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GOT IT!!!!
#shirtlesszefron
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So, because of posts like this, I’ve nominated you http://wp.me/p3sWVR-ha
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THANK YOU!!!!!!
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