I’m sure everyone remembers when the lovely Cara Gale came out here and stormed into my office, kidnapped me and chained me up in her basement and then posted her thoughts on this movie on my site. Everyone liked her post so much she went off and won the big Shitfest contest. Well, I wrote down some notes during the big event to follow up on and, while I couldn’t finish the FUCKING AWFUL George Biddle CPA movie (it was TERRIBLE!!!) I did manage to make it through this one because sometimes a man just has to try things out for himself and, while I think this was TOTALLY stupid…. for some reason I didn’t really hate it. Thinking ahead, I am sure there will be some spoilers later so….
Thinking about this now, I have a feeling that my writing is going to come off very negatively about this which, I suppose, is the right way to go about it but, really, I think I liked this better than the 2nd and 4th installments. I mean, the first one was a one trick pony but I actually liked it. The second was fucking terrible and I actually REALLY liked the third one. The 4th one went tits up about ten minutes into it and it never fucking recovered and it was almost physically painful to finish but with this one, I think they tried….
It’s going to be stretch for someone to really enjoy this though, I think. The three kids at the heart of this are douches and NO ONE EVER would make the decisions they make. NEVER. The “I’m filming everything” has gotten so old it’s balls droop to the floor and it’s tits sag past it’s waist. Just give it up and go with a fucking static camera already, OK? We’ve ALL broken up with this gimmick shit. What else? Oh yeah – why in THE FUCK does the kid seemingly get super powers? What’s with the fucking super breath?? That was also pretty fucking convenient when that chick is sitting there in her bra and she opens that hatch. Eyeroll. Oh – and there’s a possessed Simon Says…
Is there anything good to come out of this? I kind of liked the scene depicted below. It reminded me of something from the third one. I also, in some way, like how it ended, back at Katie and Micah’s house, with an explanation of how number one ended BUT… TIME TRAVEL?? What’s that got do with anything? PUH-LEEZE.
I did go out to IMDB to look at some of the boards out there and there’s a LOT of discussion on who turned off the camera at the end. I thought it was Katie too, but it’s not:
So that leaves us with a cliffhanger on what was going on downstairs at the end of number 1, which I think is cool and kind of clever which is probably why I don’t HATE this one. But really – time travel?? What does that have to do with witchcraft?? Oh well…. I’ve seen MUCH worse and, I think, at least they tried. Oh and:
#boobs
The person turning that camera off looks like Linda Hamilton. Actually I just googled a picture of her to make sure I wasn’t talking nonsense and it looks nothing like Linda Hamilton. Don’t mind me.
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Hey! You may be onto something! There’s time travel in The Terminator too! Hmm….. #ConspiracyTheories
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#lostintimebooobs
#lindahamiltonhasbumpyboobs
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HAHAHAHA!!!
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Hmm…. Who to trust…. Cara or Eric?? ; ) Well, neither since I’ve only watched the first one and it wasn’t good enough to make me want to watch any more of these things. ; ) Love that Simon Says, though! Woohoo! The 80s! Nice review. : )
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Thanks!! Good morning!! Oh shit!! WAIT!! It’s your night time. BOOOOOOOOO Isaacs!!! BOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
#booooooooooooooooooooooooobs
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Yeah! WTF? I’ve been waiting for you to make an appearance ALL FREAKING DAY!!! ; )
#dong
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Sometimes a gentleman needs some time off.
#imafuckingclassyguy
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I really enjoyed the first and third ones! But time travel?! That just sounds stupid
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Yep and YEP.
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A possessed Simon Says? Why didn’t anyone tell me this before?!
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HA!!!
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What’s going on “downstairs”?
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It’s getting pretty hairy down there….
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Dear Chop,
This just… nope. Still not sold on it. I can’t.
Love always,
JB
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My dearest JB,
I understand. It was better than I thought it would be, though. Not great but not misery in film. Better than #4.
LOVE,
Chop
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Even for a fan of this franchise like yours truly, even I realized that this is starting to get a bit stale by now. Maybe the next one they have planned will somehow expand on this story better, but I don’t know. It’s too hard for me to hold out hope. Good review.
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Yep… they need to change it up and go static with regular story telling. It would work.
Thanks Dan!
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Stopped watching after the first, didn’t feel the rest were necessary, am I wrong Eric?
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I think number three is a really good movie…. I’m not lyin’….
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I’m intrigued by the possessed Simon Says. Exactly “how” is it possessed? Does it evilly tell you every color you hit is wrong with that annoying EHHHHHHHH noise it makes? Wouldn’t that simply imply that it was broken? If I was going to possess an 80’s toy (which I’ve only done a couple of times) I would totally go for a Speak and Spell. That way I could get it to say evil things like, “F**k your mother” in that creepy electronic voice.
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The protagonist asks it questions and it answers “yes” and “no” by certain colors.
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I know Gary already replied to this so you know it’s more of a “medium” than “possessed” but…
LOL @ Speak and Spell!!! I would totally be Operation! “It takes a veryyyyyyyy steady hand…..”
BUZZ!!!!!!
ME: “MY FUCKING LIVER!!!! MY FUCKING LIVER!!!!!”
BUZZ!!!!!!
ME: “MY FUCKING FEMUR!!!!! OH FUCK!!!! MY FUCKING FEMUR!!!!
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BUTTER FINGERS!
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I’m just glad that I don’t have to watch trailers for this piece of crap anymore when I go out to the movies. Went to see the new Trailer Park Boys movie this weekend and was overjoyed that I didn’t have to sit through this fucking garbage trailer. Free at last!
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FREEDOM!!!!!!!!! SMASH IS FREE!!!!! LONG LIVE THE SMASH!!!!!
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Glad you gave this one a watch. I thought you’d like it okay. I thought it was pretty good, but I became a bit confused by the last act. But really, I am just hoping when this franchise concludes that each installment plays a piece of the puzzle and it all comes together and makes sense. I actually have liked each installment of this franchise simply b/c you never really know what to expect from scene-to-scene. As Hitchcock in his great wisdom stated “The threat of violence is stronger than the act of violence” and this franchise implements that principle to the max. I thought the last act of part 3 was one of the creepiest things I’ve ever seen in a movie. It was so tense and a poorly-written franchise doesn’t create that kind of tension.
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Dude, I just watched a movie called PROXY. Seen it????
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I’m familiar with it, but I haven’t watched it.
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HMMMM – I can’t decide if I liked it or not…
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Well it’s probably leaps and bounds better than some of the crap you watch…but it’s still not good. “At least they tried” doesn’t quite cut it for me. Lol. How many top hats does this get?? Also, though I didn’t like this one, I will agree that the 4th one is the worst of the PAs. “Tits up” is an excellent way to put it.
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I would probably give this a very low three top hats. I didn’t hate it like you did. Let’s get together and watch Invisible.
Wait – let’s not – then you might hate me a little.
#probiesforever
#probielove
#lovingcara
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Let’s watch more classics! You LOVE those!
#jk #wouldntgowell #probielove
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#illdoit !!!!
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Simon says… this movie sucks.
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LOLOLOLOL!!!!!!!
#sucks
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The first PA creeped me out, the sequels not so much. So let me get this right, tits up and tits sag are both bad things right? 🙂
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Right!! You didn’t like 3??
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I liked 3 but it didn’t scare me like 1 which creeped me out when I had to go to sleep.
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I can get down (or is it up?) with #boobs. But, though you tried, you don’t convince me this is at least a little better than Cara thought it was. 🙂
And . . . also: “The “I’m filming everything” has gotten so old it’s balls droop to the floor and it’s tits sag past it’s waist.” Your ability to twist the English language is truly admirable. 🙂
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LOL – I do TRY 🙂
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The trailer for this looked so bad I winced.
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HAHAHAHA!!!! NICE!!
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I watched this and I…Um…what was I going to say?
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Nice!!!
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