Isaacs Picture Conclusions

A SHITFEST 2014: WINTER FOLLOW UP ~ PARANORMAL ACTIVITY: THE MARKED ONES

PATMO1

I’m sure everyone remembers when the lovely Cara Gale came out here and stormed into my office, kidnapped me and chained me up in her basement and then posted her thoughts on this movie on my site. Everyone liked her post so much she went off and won the big Shitfest contest. Well, I wrote down some notes during the big event to follow up on and, while I couldn’t finish the FUCKING AWFUL George Biddle CPA movie (it was TERRIBLE!!!) I did manage to make it through this one because sometimes a man just has to try things out for himself and, while I think this was TOTALLY stupid…. for some reason I didn’t really hate it. Thinking ahead, I am sure there will be some spoilers later so….

PATMO2

Thinking about this now, I have a feeling that my writing is going to come off very negatively about this which, I suppose, is the right way to go about it but, really, I think I liked this better than the 2nd and 4th installments. I mean, the first one was a one trick pony but I actually liked it. The second was fucking terrible and I actually REALLY liked the third one. The 4th one went tits up about ten minutes into it and it never fucking recovered and it was almost physically painful to finish but with this one, I think they tried….

PATMO3

It’s going to be stretch for someone to really enjoy this though, I think. The three kids at the heart of this are douches and NO ONE EVER would make the decisions they make. NEVER. The “I’m filming everything” has gotten so old it’s balls droop to the floor and it’s tits sag past it’s waist. Just give it up and go with a fucking static camera already, OK? We’ve ALL broken up with this gimmick shit. What else? Oh yeah – why in THE FUCK does the kid seemingly get super powers? What’s with the fucking super breath?? That was also pretty fucking convenient when that chick is sitting there in her bra and she opens that hatch. Eyeroll. Oh – and there’s a possessed Simon Says…

PATMO4

Is there anything good to come out of this? I kind of liked the scene depicted below. It reminded me of something from the third one. I also, in some way, like how it ended, back at Katie and Micah’s house, with an explanation of how number one ended BUT… TIME TRAVEL?? What’s that got do with anything? PUH-LEEZE.

PATMO5

I did go out to IMDB to look at some of the boards out there and there’s a LOT of discussion on who turned off the camera at the end. I thought it was Katie too, but it’s not:

image

So that leaves us with a cliffhanger on what was going on downstairs at the end of number 1, which I think is cool and kind of clever which is probably why I don’t HATE this one. But really – time travel?? What does that have to do with witchcraft?? Oh well…. I’ve seen MUCH worse and, I think, at least they tried. Oh and:

#boobs

45 comments

  2. table9mutant

    Hmm…. Who to trust…. Cara or Eric?? ; ) Well, neither since I’ve only watched the first one and it wasn’t good enough to make me want to watch any more of these things. ; ) Love that Simon Says, though! Woohoo! The 80s! Nice review. : )

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    • theipc

      My dearest JB,

      I understand. It was better than I thought it would be, though. Not great but not misery in film. Better than #4.

      LOVE,

      Chop

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  7. CMrok93

    Even for a fan of this franchise like yours truly, even I realized that this is starting to get a bit stale by now. Maybe the next one they have planned will somehow expand on this story better, but I don’t know. It’s too hard for me to hold out hope. Good review.

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  9. The Critical Cinephile

    I’m intrigued by the possessed Simon Says. Exactly “how” is it possessed? Does it evilly tell you every color you hit is wrong with that annoying EHHHHHHHH noise it makes? Wouldn’t that simply imply that it was broken? If I was going to possess an 80’s toy (which I’ve only done a couple of times) I would totally go for a Speak and Spell. That way I could get it to say evil things like, “F**k your mother” in that creepy electronic voice.

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  10. Smash

    I’m just glad that I don’t have to watch trailers for this piece of crap anymore when I go out to the movies. Went to see the new Trailer Park Boys movie this weekend and was overjoyed that I didn’t have to sit through this fucking garbage trailer. Free at last!

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  11. garylee828

    Glad you gave this one a watch. I thought you’d like it okay. I thought it was pretty good, but I became a bit confused by the last act. But really, I am just hoping when this franchise concludes that each installment plays a piece of the puzzle and it all comes together and makes sense. I actually have liked each installment of this franchise simply b/c you never really know what to expect from scene-to-scene. As Hitchcock in his great wisdom stated “The threat of violence is stronger than the act of violence” and this franchise implements that principle to the max. I thought the last act of part 3 was one of the creepiest things I’ve ever seen in a movie. It was so tense and a poorly-written franchise doesn’t create that kind of tension.

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  12. caragale

    Well it’s probably leaps and bounds better than some of the crap you watch…but it’s still not good. “At least they tried” doesn’t quite cut it for me. Lol. How many top hats does this get?? Also, though I didn’t like this one, I will agree that the 4th one is the worst of the PAs. “Tits up” is an excellent way to put it.

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  15. jjames36

    I can get down (or is it up?) with #boobs. But, though you tried, you don’t convince me this is at least a little better than Cara thought it was. 🙂

    And . . . also: “The “I’m filming everything” has gotten so old it’s balls droop to the floor and it’s tits sag past it’s waist.” Your ability to twist the English language is truly admirable. 🙂

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