Isaacs Picture Conclusions

THE PIT AND THE PENDULUM (1991) TWO WEAK TOP HATS

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I remember this movie. I remember that this was one of the last things I ever watched living at my mom’s house. I remember that I liked it. I remember some dirty full frontal nudity. I remember having sex for the first time ever in that house. I remember one time I came home stinking drunk, wobbled in through the front door and screamed “MOM I’M HOME!!!!” and stumbled into my room bumping into every wall. The next morning I found out that mom and her boyfriend were sitting in the living room watching TV when I exploded into the house. I also found out that I was grounded for a month. Everything that I wrote after that second sentence came before I watched this movie but, in the sense of nostalgia, I borrowed this from NetFlix and gave it a watch the other day…. and it pretty much sucked… which, I’m sure, is what XXXXXXX thought when I had sex with her for the first time.

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Lance Henrickson has a ridiculously stupid hairdo and growls as he leads the Spanish Inquisition. A couple of young-ish bakers are in LOOOOOOOOOOOVE and they are pure and innocent. One day, at a public burning, the female baker screams for the Inquisition to “STOP, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!!” when they attempt to throw a living kid on the pile of burning sticks. Naturally they arrest her, strip her down to look for The Devil’s Nipple, do some probing and throw her in a cell.

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The dude tries to come to her rescue but he gets poo-pooed away and then tortured and blah blah blah this movie was pretty stupid. I didn’t remember this part but the pious and holy Henrickson gets smitten with desire and tries to rape the lady but he can’t get it up so he blames it on the devil and cuts out her tongue and she dies. Or something like that. OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOPS, sorry – SPOILERS! LOL – please don’t waste your time with this shit. What else? Oh yeah, The Old Bag and her Marble Rye are in this doozy as a grizzled old witch and I saw her wrinkly, dirty boobs which wasn’t that exciting if I have to be honest with you.

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I mean, for real, this is what I felt like sitting through this:

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Oh well. SHITFEST SOCIAL TOMORROW!!!!!!!!!!! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

30 comments

  1. Chris brandt

    Remember when you used to think that doing jumping jacks before you went inside would somehow sober you up. I guess you blew that theory out of the water

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  2. Chris brandt

    It was that night. Truly epic. Not only did you bump into every wall in the house but for some reason you decided to yell out, “MOM, I’M HOME.” I can’t believe you got caught 🙂

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  3. Sounds like the coolest movie, my fave is that list pic. When you came home drunk I bet you thought you were being real quiet too. That’s the best you’re like I got this, I will slide in effortlessly no one will realize I even drank. NOT

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