Isaacs Picture Conclusions

THE UNLEASHED (2013) THREE CANADIANS

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 This piece is dedicated to my missing Canadian friend FILM HIPSTER

First off – I feel like I should announce that I have nothing at all against Canadians. When I make jokes about Canadians out here that’s because one of my old best blog friends was (is) Canadian and we would make jokes at ourselves, Canadian or not. I don’t know if he still reads this out here but, any Canadian joke is a joke referencing him.  That said, there’s a bunch of Canadians in this thing and they’re all “OOT and ABOOTing” and saying things like “SOORY” and “HOOSE” and drinking Canadian beer and seeing GOOSTS. In the end, for a movie about a bunch of Canadians running around seeing GOOSTS, this wasn’t too bad. I even got to see a pair of Canadian boobs. Someone once told me that every movie is SOMEONE’S favorite movie and I doubt this will be anyone that reads out here’s favorite movie but, I mean, it wasn’t THAT bad. If you can put up with a bunch of Canadians.

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This thing actually starts off pretty stupid, now that I think about it. Set in the past, you know, Homesteader times, some old witch puts a curse on someone or something and some dodgy special effects fling things like knives and conveniently placed hatchets around the house. I mean, who doesn’t have a bunch of knives and hatchets lying around the living room?? Oh well – the old women gets killed (or does she???!??!?!?!?!) and we cut to modern times and some woman who looks like a Canadian Angelina Jolie is driving around with her pouty (POOTY!!) lips and she’s moving into her dead mom’s house and all of that shit. Soon her friend shows up and she wants to party it the fuck up for old time’s sake so she invites over a bunch of Canadians and one of them is wearing an Izod golf shirt.

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As it always goes at every single Canadian beer and wine party, someone decides to go up into the attic where the ancient Ouija board is, so they bring it down and get to work on it. There is actually something pretty cool that happens during this sequence, involving a bunch of ghosts, which might be the highlight of the movie. After that, a bunch of Canadians do a bunch of talking and someone ends up possessed (which is actually also kind of cool) and she floats around a little here and there. I can’t find many pictures of this out on the web but I did find this poster which features, now that I think about it, the best part of the movie, to me.UNLEASHED5

In the scene, this Canadian decides to have some whiskey and sits down to play a piano. After his Canadian fingers tickle a few keys, the ghost in the poster above shows up and starts playing the violin. He hears the violin and stops piano-ing and she stops violin-ing and stares at him. This goes on for a little bit and was actually pretty cool, IMO. After that it’s pretty run of the mill shit that’s a little boring but overall…. it’s not too bad. I’ve definitely seen a lot worse. I watched the trailer because I liked the looks of the poster at the top and the trailer makes it look pretty good. If the poster below had been attached to the trailer, I probably would have just skipped the whole thing. Just look at that. Lips McGillicutty…

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CANADIANS

HAVE GOOD WEEKENDS, EVERYONE!! DON’T TAKE ANY WOODEN NICKLES!!

38 comments

  4. garylee828

    (in my best Donald Sterling voice) “But why would you want to hang around Canadians? Why do you have pictures of Canadians on your Instagram?”

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  8. table9mutant

    Her boob is hanging out in that one poster. I know she’s a ghost and probably pretty busy & all but can she seriously not shove that back in her top??

    Have you clipped your fingernails yet?

    Happy Saturday! Sorry I fell behind. : )

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  10. Zoë

    Dear Chop,

    LOL, your stamp of… Canadians? I love it!

    Yeah, he just disappeared… what a shame.

    Sorry I fell behind, vacation time was most awesome, but I am back again!

    Love,

    JB

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    Reply

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