Isaacs Picture Conclusions

SUCKER PUNCH (2011) THREE TOP HATS

Well – the other day Cara was talking about sausages on Twitter again and Zoe came around asking if this is where she could talk about Sebastian Stan and made all of us normal looking males feel puny (at least me) and then Brian started talking about his balls, so I figured it was time for another boob post. Since I haven’t seen anything too boob-centric lately, I figured I could run an old post that only one person has ever looked at and go spice it up real nice. The following is the first ever post I put out on WordPress. It’s so awesome I can’t even believe it.

Note: the pics are new.

I am a really big fan of Zach Snyder’s “Dawn of the Dead” remake, “300” and “Watchmen”; they are super violent, super R rated and full of everything I like. I kept an eye on this movie for what seemed like a very long time, this fantasy movie about jailbait chicks in skimpy clothing looking to escape an insane asylum, at war with dragons, zombies, robots and giant samurai. Then, they PG-13ed it and I was completely disappointed. Well it finally came out on DVD and I gave it a watch last night. Here’s what I have to say:

SUCKER2

Rated PG 13: One Top Hat

Stunning Visuals: Five Top Hats

Unbelievable CGI: Five Top Hats

Wicked Awesome Slo-mo Scenes: Five Top Hats

Five Nubile, Good Looking Teenage Chicks: Four Top Hats

Intensely Choreographed Action Sequences: Five Top Hats

Acting: Two Top Hats

Scott Glenn: One Top Hat

Length: One Top Hat

Violence: One Top Hat

Dialogue: Two Top Hats

Jena Malone as Rocket: Five Top Hats

Soundtrack: Four Top Hats

Use of Soundtrack: Two Top hats

Jon Hamm: Two Top Hats

SUCKER3

So, if I add that up and divide by 15, then we come to three top hats. That’s a lot less than I hoped for when this was announced so long ago. I guess we’ll see what happens next when Snyder puts out the next Superman movie. I’m sure it will be PG, but I won’t be expecting a five.

SUCKER4

101 comments

  1. I really hated the movie, was actually about to leave midway through because I was bored but those small skirted school uniforms made me stay 🙂 only good thing was the music (and the uniforms)….

    Like

  2. Dear Spock Chop,

    Sebastian Stan made you feel puny? But he is NOT a beefcake like the other guys the ladies perve over? Though he is fucking hot. There, said it. Now back to the review.

    Well, there’s the boob post I encouraged. I am sure you have made a few people appreciate reading posts in the morning/over lunch. I have never watched this movie, to be very honest!

    Love,

    JB

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I have a confession to make. Not sure if I should. Okay… Here goes………..

    (I kind of liked this movie. Quite a bit. Guilty pleasure!)

    Lol. And it turned out that it was better than Man Of Freaking Steel!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. LOL! I’m not a huge fan. The only thing I like is that they have some awesome Halloween characters outfits and the visuals were nice but the story was so bad. I literally wanted to toss the movie out the window and its one of those rare times, I think my boyfriend felt the same way. This just had so much potential….
    BUT, I love your way of reviewing it. Everyone has their reasons to like it and I guess you found quite a few 😉

    Like

  5. Did I accidentally snort crack or am I just too dumb to understand this post? Even in the beginning you were a mystery, Eric.

    A boob-filled mystery…

    Like

    • theipc

      Hi Elina!!!

      No – there’s nothing wrong on your end. There’s no easy way to understand what I’ve done or what I do.

      Thanks for reading!!

      Like

  6. Aw gimme a break the director’s cut is rated R! Doesn’t this deserve more than just THREE top hats? It’s like the Citizen Kane of action movies!

    (I’m kidding. I liked it though.)

    Like

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