Yep – here we are… the one that started making the franchise quite a joke. Gone is the timid, humble and kind-of-dumb Rocky Balboa from the first two… here we have a super rich, super chiseled millionaire who drives Jaguars and wears three piece suits everywhere. He maintains his championship belt by fighting rigged contenders and does exposition matches with pro wrestlers named Thunderlips. Innocence is lost and the guy who just wanted to go the distance once in his life is kind of a jerky, prick asshole with a giant stick up his ass.
Then, one day, Mr. T (Clubber Lang) comes around and insults Rocky’s woman so he goes to fight him in the ring and gets his fucking ass kicked. Being a brilliant man, ex-boxer Apollo Creed swoops in and offers to manage the Rock so he can get back The Eye of the Tiger and beat Clubber Lang like the chump he is. He takes Rocky away from his state of the art training facility and relocates the Philadelphian to somewhere like Watts, CA and a bunch of racist comments from Paulie ensue.
Of course we get a shitload of melodrama and droopy eye acting from Stallone as he mourns the loss of his trainer Mick and can’t figure out how to dance around in the ring like Apollo – but soon enough Adrian yells at him and he gets his shit together and, in a scene of absolutely NO MACHISMO whatsoever, he and Apollo race each other on the beach and when Rocky wins, they dance around in the waves like a couple of horny Frenchmen discharging a load of their…. spirit… did I just write that?
After all of the jumping and shouting Apollo gives Rocky his American flag boxing shorts and Rocky goes to work again against Clubber and now that he’s got the Eye of the Tiger again he wins. YAY!! We did it!! WHOO HOO!!!This movie is OK but it’s nothing like the first two, except for the dramatic middle section. In the last one Adrian went into a coma. In this one, Mick dies and – honestly – I probably would have given this a “TWO” rating if that scene were Mick dies wasn’t one of the saddest fucking things I’ve ever seen in my entire fucking life. CRY BABY time there!! SHIT!! Also – this has one of my favorite lines in the franchise:
REPORTER: Mr. Lang!! Mr. Lang!! What’s your prediction for the fight tonight??
LANG (surprised): Prediction??
LANG (looks at camera): paaaaaaaaain