Isaacs Picture Conclusions

ROCKY 3 (1982) THREE TOP HATS

ROCKY3A

Yep – here we are… the one that started making the franchise quite a joke. Gone is the timid, humble and kind-of-dumb Rocky Balboa from the first two… here we have a super rich, super chiseled millionaire who drives Jaguars and wears three piece suits everywhere. He maintains his championship belt by fighting rigged contenders and does exposition matches with pro wrestlers named Thunderlips.  Innocence is lost and the guy who just wanted to go the distance once in his life is kind of a jerky, prick asshole with a giant stick up his ass.ROCKY3B

Then, one day, Mr. T (Clubber Lang) comes around and insults Rocky’s woman so he goes to fight him in the ring and gets his fucking ass kicked. Being a brilliant man, ex-boxer Apollo Creed swoops in and offers to manage the Rock so he can get back The Eye of the Tiger and beat Clubber Lang like the chump he is.  He takes Rocky away from his state of the art training facility and relocates the Philadelphian to somewhere like Watts, CA and a bunch of racist comments from Paulie ensue.ROCKY3D

Of course we get a shitload of melodrama and droopy eye acting from Stallone as he mourns the loss of his trainer Mick and can’t figure out how to dance around in the ring like Apollo – but soon enough Adrian yells at him and he gets his shit together and, in a scene of absolutely NO MACHISMO whatsoever, he and Apollo race each other on the beach and when Rocky wins, they dance around in the waves like a couple of horny Frenchmen discharging a load of their…. spirit… did I just write that? O_o

#shameROCKY3EROCKY3C

After all of the jumping and shouting Apollo gives Rocky his American flag boxing shorts and Rocky goes to work again against Clubber and now that he’s got the Eye of the Tiger again he wins. YAY!! We did it!! WHOO HOO!!!ROCKY3FThis movie is OK but it’s nothing like the first two, except for the dramatic middle section. In the last one Adrian went into a coma. In this one, Mick dies and – honestly – I probably would have given this a “TWO” rating if that scene were Mick dies wasn’t one of the saddest fucking things I’ve ever seen in my entire fucking life. CRY BABY time there!! SHIT!! Also – this has one of my favorite lines in the franchise:

REPORTER: Mr. Lang!! Mr. Lang!! What’s your prediction for the fight tonight??

LANG (surprised): Prediction??

LANG (looks at camera): paaaaaaaaain

 

57 comments

  1. Dear Chop,

    Damn, gotta say Stallone has always been an exceptionally unattractive man. The “shouting yeah” pic does nothing to assist his cause in changing my mind.

    Great review!

    Happy Monday! (or try, at least).

    Love,

    JB

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  2. Men in ‘hot pants’…it’s just disturbing dude. Really! In all the times that you’ve watched this delightful little flick about male bonding and the taming of the ‘mega-jerk’ did you notice the completely empty stadium in one shot early in the fight with Mr T? Total screw up but if you blink you’ll miss it. See, I watch movies sometimes LOL

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    • theipc

      NO!!! How funny!! I read your posts on my phone over the weekend but never got online to comment on them 😦 – seems like you had an interesting weekend…

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      • Yeah, the fun just never ends around here : \ and this is the last week of school too so those little chatterboxes will be home driving me nuts all day! Whoo hoo – i’m doing my best cheerleader impression right now, just for you- did you have a good weekend??

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  3. I saw this in the theater with my parents! It was so exciting as an 8 year old seeing this. Ive always loved the Thunderlips and the Clubber Lang fight and of course the beach scene, no matter how stupid it is now.
    It’s always hilarious to watch Sly try to say the Jewish prayer for the dead in Hebrew, he completely destroys it 🙂
    Great cliffhanger, while waiting for Ivan Drago to show up

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  4. It’s sad I’ve only seen this, the first one and number 4 of all them. It was great seeing Mr. T as a villian in this. That was a good line he had. Nice post

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  5. Lol!!! Love that last line. Haven’t seen the movie, but I can totally hear Mr. T saying it. Also, Apollo Creed GIVES ROCKY HIS NASTY ASS BOXING SHORTS???? EW.

    #ew

    #noprobos

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  6. I like where they were going with this one, Rocky is a big hotshot now and he’s trying to have the lifestyle he thinks he needs to have. And I do love seeing some grown men running around hugging each other in the surf. But it’s still not as good as watching Rocky train in the snow! Can’t wait for the next review in the series 🙂

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  7. Nice write-up, Eric! It’s Mr T! One of my favourite persons in the universe. That still of Rocky in the ocean makes him look like he has experienced a developmental delay or has a couple of extra chromosomes hanging around somewhere. Nice to hear he wins out in the end though.

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