Hey dudes, Smash here reporting for The IPC while EI is away on vacation. He’s probably working himself into a righteous fit as we speak because some a-hole planted their beach blanket right beside his even though there are only ten people on the beach. Oh EI, you loveable scamp, don’t ever change.
I’ve been tasked with helping out around here while he’s away. And you guys know that I don’t take my guest post responsibilities lightly. So the little hamster in my brain started running to generate ideas, well more like strolling, but still, he was moving. And I was able to come up with something that I think you’ll enjoy…
There has been a lot of ogling happening over at The IPC lately. Like, a lot. It’s okay though, there have been plenty of fine-looking hardbodies to admire for the male and female readers alike. Yayy, equality! I’m partial to the always handsome Tom Hardy myself, and he’s been getting a lot of feature time, so I’m jazzed about that. Did you guys know that he totally hangs dong in Bronson? It’s awesome. People should hang dong in movies more often. And by people, I mean Tom Hardy.
Anyways, to keep the tradition of ogling alive and well while our dear friend EI is on vacation and to satisfy Zoe and EI’s curiosity alike, I’ve decided to share with you lucky readers some very special photos of myself. Sexy photos from my fabulously unbelievable life. Awesome, right? I’m mostly a modest girl, and I prefer to keep my private life sort of private. But I’ve been gifted with this totally banging body and for some reason when I get in front of the camera I just pop. I probably owe it to the world to bare some of this sizzling skin every once in a while.
So buckle up ladies and gents and hang onto your donuts, it’s about to get hot in here…
This is a typical morning for me. I get up and barely put any bottoms on and then go for a walk with my adorable little feline, Harvey. We like to get out early and stock up on Cheetos. That’s one of my secrets for hotness, by the way. Cheetos. Lots and lots of Cheetos. I kid you not. They go right to my boobs!
Sometimes when I’m chilling by the pool I run into an annoying friend. Ugh, you know the kind I mean. They’re constantly wanting to get together and have drinks. It’s awkward because you’re running out of excuses. But you’re hoping that eventually the friendship will just fade out and die. Mostly because you can’t stand his new wife… she’s just soooooo dull. And you just get sad when you hangout because you miss his first wife. She was the obvious keeper.
Once in a while I’ll get glammed up and play hard to get with my boy toy Zefron. He’s had the hots for me for a while now, it’s kinda sad actually. He’s alright to look at, but I need a real manly man.
Someone more like Ron Swanson! Now that’s dreamy…
So there you have it, folks. A little taste of Smash to get you through the day. Hopefully you don’t think any less of me now. I would prefer to be admired for my dazzling personality, but I guess it’s good that I can always fall back on this incredible bod if I need to.
P.S. just for fun, try to guess who these incredible bodies actually belong to. I believe in you, perverted IPC readers. You can do it!
Reblogged this on Smashing Through Life! and commented:
This might be one of the weirdest things anyone has ever done on the internet. But this is what happens when you ask me to guest post while you’re on vacation. Check it out, dudes. And maybe someday you’ll want me to guest post for you, too.
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I haven’t been able to comment on this because I’ve been too busy… Um…. Er…. Eh…. “Taking care of something” each time I look at this post. Thanks!!
THANK YOU SMASH!!! This is beautiful!!! You rock!!!
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Hahahaha. It’s a brave new world with crazy new fetishes popping up all over the place! Such as, pictures of regular girls’ faces glued to bodies of celebrities.
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LOL! That first one gets me every time…
#boners
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Tom Hardy’s dong looks like a button on a fur coat.
This was fantastic! I love that you lovingly handcrafted everything instead of coldly Photoshopping it. Let me guess the bodies:
1. Gabourey Sidibe
2. Judi Dench
3. Gene Hackman
4. …….Mom???
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Thanks Brian! I don’t have photoshop and even if I did I wouldn’t have the skills to make anything decent, lol. So this seemed the better way to go. And a Maxim Magazine only goes for $3.99 these days, who knew?
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Hot damn Smash! This was totally worth waiting the week for! 😛 Those Cheetos… I think I am going to have to start importing or something!
Had a nice giggle here!
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Thanks Zoe! I aim to please. You should have seen D’s face when he walked in on me working on my little project. He pretty much thought I was going insane.
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LOL! I can only imagine the reaction to it! I LOVE how it is all handcrafted and what not! Really great job!
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LOL I bet…!
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Pretty sure he thought I was writing creepy magazine letter stalker notes to celebrities.
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Hahahahaha!!!
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HOT DAMN INDEED!!!
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This is brilliant!
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Thanks Abbi! 🙂
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I lined em up good, huh???
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Outstandingly!
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Wonderful news!!!
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Looking good! 😉
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Hahahaa, thanks Joseph! I bet you can guess who one of the bodies actually belongs to. I think you might have mentioned having a crush on this Hollywood newcomer at the beginning of the year…
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Hahaha! Freaking love this, Smash! Especially love that you bought an actual magazine for your IPC assignment. I think Eric should reimburse you! ; ) And you’re way hotter than whoever these chicks are. Pah! You know they’re all bitches with no personalities! :-p
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Awww, thanks T9! I’m so glad you liked my post.
I actually felt kind of weird buying a magazine. Especially a Maxim. So I grabbed one of those shitty tabloid magazines as well to sort of balance it out somehow. Omg, did you know that Melanie Griffith and Antonio Banderas are getting divorced because he was abducted by aliens 5 years ago and they implanted a chip in his head that made his wiener invert whenever he sees Mel’s face?
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If NOTHING else, we accomplished getting the word wiener on my site again!
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I’ll reimburse her with showers of love and affection. Which I am sure will be returned with healthy doses of pepper spray.
You on the other hand…
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I’d pepper spray you either way ; )
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I know this….
#whathavewebecome
#acap
: )
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No reimbursement necessary! All of these comments hailing my genius are reward enough, lol.
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Well, if we ever meet… Maybe one hug???
And accidental butt touching??? ?????? ?? ?
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One day we will meet. And we will hug. And we will probably/definitely accidentally butt touch.
I wouldn’t expect any less of us.
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PERFECT!!!!
#maybeevensomedrunkentouching
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hahahaa these hastags are so outrageous! I love it.
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Love it!!
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So, all you have to do is take Smash to Shoney’s in the morning and she will bang you all night!
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Shoney’s!! I’ve never been there, but that would be a dream come true.
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Nocturnal Emission…. WHAT???????
#whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat
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that was awesome, totally loved it : )
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Thanks Melissa! 🙂
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One of the best posts EVER on this site : )
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DAYUM, gurl, you lookin’ fiiiiiiine. 😉 Very funny, Smash. Hilarious as ever.
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Hahaha, thanks Cara!! It’s amazing how quickly I can tidy myself up when I have to.
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And sexy!!
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Truth. 😉
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This is like the stuff they find in the killer’s apartment in Se7en!! I love it! Funniest/strangest/sexiest thing i’ve seen this year
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Lol, yeah it’s quite bizarre… I don’t know what I was thinking. I might be a murderous crazy person. But at least people seem to like it, hahaha.
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Smash, this is awesome. You outdid yourself! Funniest post ever!
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Haahaa 🙂 , that’s really something cool and enjoyable on the net ….
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So funny Smash! Ugh don’t you hate it when those annoying hot men are all over you. Ick!
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Yes, I hate it so much, lol. It’s just like chill dudes, I’ll call you if I wanna hang.
Thanks for reading this bizarre post!
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Very much I’ll call you. Better yet I’ll text ya k bitches.
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How did I miss this? Hilarious stuff, Smash. 🙂
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Thanks MonkeyBoy!! 🙂
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