Hey dudes, Smash here reporting for The IPC while EI is away on vacation. He’s probably working himself into a righteous fit as we speak because some a-hole planted their beach blanket right beside his even though there are only ten people on the beach. Oh EI, you loveable scamp, don’t ever change.
I’ve been tasked with helping out around here while he’s away. And you guys know that I don’t take my guest post responsibilities lightly. So the little hamster in my brain started running to generate ideas, well more like strolling, but still, he was moving. And I was able to come up with something that I think you’ll enjoy…
There has been a lot of ogling happening over at The IPC lately. Like, a lot. It’s okay though, there have been plenty of fine-looking hardbodies to admire for the male and female readers alike. Yayy, equality! I’m partial to the always handsome Tom Hardy myself, and he’s been getting a lot of feature time, so I’m jazzed about that. Did you guys know that he totally hangs dong in Bronson? It’s awesome. People should hang dong in movies more often. And by people, I mean Tom Hardy.
Anyways, to keep the tradition of ogling alive and well while our dear friend EI is on vacation and to satisfy Zoe and EI’s curiosity alike, I’ve decided to share with you lucky readers some very special photos of myself. Sexy photos from my fabulously unbelievable life. Awesome, right? I’m mostly a modest girl, and I prefer to keep my private life sort of private. But I’ve been gifted with this totally banging body and for some reason when I get in front of the camera I just pop. I probably owe it to the world to bare some of this sizzling skin every once in a while.
So buckle up ladies and gents and hang onto your donuts, it’s about to get hot in here…
This is a typical morning for me. I get up and barely put any bottoms on and then go for a walk with my adorable little feline, Harvey. We like to get out early and stock up on Cheetos. That’s one of my secrets for hotness, by the way. Cheetos. Lots and lots of Cheetos. I kid you not. They go right to my boobs!
Sometimes when I’m chilling by the pool I run into an annoying friend. Ugh, you know the kind I mean. They’re constantly wanting to get together and have drinks. It’s awkward because you’re running out of excuses. But you’re hoping that eventually the friendship will just fade out and die. Mostly because you can’t stand his new wife… she’s just soooooo dull. And you just get sad when you hangout because you miss his first wife. She was the obvious keeper.
Once in a while I’ll get glammed up and play hard to get with my boy toy Zefron. He’s had the hots for me for a while now, it’s kinda sad actually. He’s alright to look at, but I need a real manly man.
Someone more like Ron Swanson! Now that’s dreamy…
So there you have it, folks. A little taste of Smash to get you through the day. Hopefully you don’t think any less of me now. I would prefer to be admired for my dazzling personality, but I guess it’s good that I can always fall back on this incredible bod if I need to.
P.S. just for fun, try to guess who these incredible bodies actually belong to. I believe in you, perverted IPC readers. You can do it!