Well – if I make it back from vacation – I am going to be really behind so I am going to have to run some old posts that no one has ever looked at… I apologize in advance for the absence of any quality or value but I’ve set the bar pretty low for quality and value anyway so there’s that…
From “Old Boy” director Park Chan Wook, comes “Thirst”, an ultra violent, super bloody, pretty disgusting horror / semi comedy about a modern day vampire in Korea. When I use the word horror I mean that this thing is filled with blood and murder and pustules and more blood all over the place and hands inside bodies and murder and armpit licking and necks breaking and toe licking and fingernails breaking and constant, revolting, slurping sounds of blood drinking and face smashing and everything else that comes with a good vampire story that doesn’t involve a bunch of moronic teenagers. When I use the words semi-comedy I mean that this is also filled with fart sniffing, hospital-I.V. blood drinking and, well, when I watched this yesterday there were some other amusing parts that escape me now. Anyway, this is a hard R-rated movie about the old school types of vampires that kill you and drink your blood, not mopey, pale teenagers or gothic Christopher Lee.
The lead is a Catholic priest, demoralized by having to keep giving last rites, taking confessions and giving the sacrament. He pleads with his Father-Priest to send him to this “leper colony” where he can do some real good, trying to save people. There, he is given the “Emmanuel Virus”, while not leprosy, it forms colonies of disgusting, pussy polyps all over your body, then into your eyes, lungs and organs until you hemorrhage all of your blood and die. When he gets there he is given a small dose to try and develop a vaccine but the virus takes over, his skin is covered in gross blisters, he vomits a ton of blood into his flute and dies. I guess I should note – before he dies the doctors there give him a transfusion and then he dies. But wait – it happens that they somehow gave him vampire blood and he is back among us – that’s right, that was funny, he dies and then comes back to life finishing the penance he was muttering before he died. So, he heads back into the city, bandaged from head to toe and eventually heads to the hospital for another last rite. He recites the words, gets some blood on his hands and then secretly licks it (this was also kind of funny and unexpected).
Next up he is administering to a boy with esophagus cancer, and it happens to be a family he kind of grew up with when he was an orphan at the local church. The family consists of the mother, the son and another adopted girl, all grown up and now the son’s very attractive wife. To make a long story short, the priest is overcome by the new vampire urges within him and he and the wife fall into love sex (in two pretty erotic scenes), they murder the husband / son and everything unravels in very violent and bloody ways, until the end, which really dragged on for ever. It wasn’t a shitty ending, but it sure took a LOOOOOOONG time.
All in all this was pretty good – very violent, sexy and bloody. But it was really long and a couple of things irritated me: the jumping around on the roofs scene, the irritating husband / son, the way the wife acted when she turned into a vampire, the polyps were very gross and then the end was so long (and boring). So: not bad, but you have to be ready to invest your time in this stomach turner.
Takes a while to kick off, but the last 40 minutes or so are pretty sweet! Finally seeing ‘All Cheerleaders Die’ tomorrow, can’t wait 🙂
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Great!! Let me know how you like it!! My internet is currently really fucked up so I am getting way behind on reading blogs but I should be able to get caught up soon…
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Bad internet is never good for anyone
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It’s fucking miserable…
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Dear Spock Chop,
Love it. I want to see this. Sounds like it could be just the right type of gutsy and bloody entertainment I need soon.
Love,
JB
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Dear JB,
I’m in a pretty sour mood today : (
If you see it, I sure hope you like it!!
Love,
SC
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Sour SC,
I will burn the responsible party!
Love,
JB
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Sweet JB,
You are very sweet to me!!
Love,
SSC
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“All in all this was pretty good – very violent, sexy and bloody.” Just like when you take a dump!
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Yep!
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That man on the poster is in every dang Korean movie I have ever seen. It totally makes sense now that I know he is a vampire, he can just work more than regular actors with that super vampire strength.
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Well… As I live and breathe!! How have you been???
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Pretty good. Did you have a good trip?
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I sure did!! I sure hate being back…
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My husband was on vacation last week and while all we did was stay home and cocoon ourselves with our collection of bad movies he hated to go back to work today.
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It’s awful!!
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This is one of my favourite vamp movies. It’s so weird. I love it!
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Great!!!!
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It goes right for the jugular.
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And tastes salty.
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Never seen this one. Hope you had a nice holiday, as we call them here in the UK.
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Monkeyboy!! I’ve missed you around here! Been doing ok??
It was GREAT down there! Wish it never ended…
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Eric, I think there’s a typo on this post. It says “three top hats,” but I’m pretty sure it’s meant to say “five top hats!”
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I’ll have to go fire the Subject Line Writers!!
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I agree; decent movie, but it drags. Ryan from Rhino’s Horror recommended this one to me and he loves it, as many others do. I wasn’t as enthusiastic about it, but I can see how some others may like it a great deal since it is pretty-well executed for the most part.
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Yep… Needed some more oomph here and there…
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Yeah, you’re right… it is a little on the longer side but I’m a sucker for that kind of crap!
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I know you loved it!! I just got kind of put out with the drawn out ending… I was all “let’s go already!”
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Excellent review Eric! Sounds like a bit of a weird one! At least these vampires don’t sparkle though.
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At LEST there’s that!! 🙂
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Sounds like the sort of thing I might hate. Or I might like.
Which do you think it is?
(Oh and just once you should recycle something we’ve all seen, just to see how many of us catch it.)
(Wait. Don’t do that. I probably wouldn’t catch it.)
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I think you might like it actually. It is kind of long….
Good thinking!! HAHAH!!!
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And the moral of the story is… Koreans are crazy.
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LOL!! HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
#yes
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This sounds waaaaaay too gross for someone sweet like me. : )
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SWEET??!!?!??!?!! EXCUSE ME???!?!??!???!!!!
#maybe
❤
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This film is pretty fucked up (can I say that, here?) but I think I kind of liked it. Bit too long, though.
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LOL @can I say that here!! Have you ever read anything other than this??? HAHAHAHAHA
fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fucking fuck
LOL – I feel the same way 🙂
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Oh yeah, duh! forgot where I was for a minute, there.
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LOL
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Oh yes the Old Boy director makes some brilliantly weird shit 😀
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Sho Nuff!!
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I’ve had this sitting on my shelf for like a year and a half and still haven’t gotten around to seeing it. Really should check it out.
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Always procrastinate getting around to this one. Should just watch it already. Wook’s stuff is always freaky. Nice review, bro.
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Thank you!!! Always let me know what you think 🙂
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armpit licking…toe licking..forgot those parts – but remember enjoying this – and laughing through parts of it. Go IPC go!
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LEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You never call, you never write…. I thought you had abandoned us….
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well I am a known jackass, but not an abandon-er
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Muy excellente!!
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“Boils Are Not Erotic.” HA! Your tags were very informative back in the day!! Bahahahaha!
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LOL… still are!
#not
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