When Eric asked me to do a guest post on the IPC, I was deeply, deeply honoured and I immediately started pondering about what kind of topic I should deliver an edict on. Then it dawned on me… if I got to actually meet Eric or any of the other awesome bloggers that lurk in this corner of the internet what I’d really like to do is go on a massive messy night out with them – one of those ones that ends with someone getting into a fight, someone lying in a gutter and someone being sick on the night bus. I can imagine several of you would be up for that *cough* Zoë, *cough* Cara… Brian.
Of course if we went on this night out we’d want to be accompanied by some of our favourite movie characters – a drinking “dream team” if you will – because the perfect night out requires the perfect balance. Too many loose cannons and you end up peaking too early. Not enough cash in the bag and you’ll end up way too sober. A lack of muscle and when Eric, invariably offends some Disney fan we’ll all end up in A&E.
So without any further ado, I present you with the IPC’s Drunken Movie Night Dream Team.
The function of the bankroll is essentially to buy all the drinks. Here you’re looking for someone with an endless cash supply and the generosity to go with it. With a good bankroller at the helm the drinks will flow like water and who could be better than… Iron Man! Not only does he have endless money but he has the perfect swanky pan for pre-drinks. Let’s just hope he leaves Pepper Potts at home.
Name: Tony Stark
Played by: Robert Downey Jnr
Films: Iron Man (2009), Iron Man 2 (2010), The Avengers (2012), Iron Man 3 (2013)
Drink of choice: A nice single malt
Somebody has to be in charge of making sure that every member of the crew looks absolutely styling. You need someone who is not only always perfectly turned out themselves but also has experience of giving top notch makeovers… let’s just hope everyone wants to look like a schoolgirl from the 90’s.
Played by: Alicia Silverstone
Film: Clueless (1995)
Drink of choice: Champagne
Every party needs someone who has the gift of the gab. One who can talk their way past any bouncer, diffuse any potential disagreements and secure invitations to the best after parties. My money is on the man who has managed to befuddle pretty much everyone whose path he’s crossed, turning every situation to his own advantage.
Name: Captain Jack Sparrow
Played by: Johnny Depp
Films: Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl (2003), Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest (2006), Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End(2007) Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides (2011)
Drink of choice: Rum
The best laid party plans can go wrong very quickly if no one knows where the best bars are and how to get there quickly, especially if people start to wander off. You need someone at the helm who can pull everyone together and steer the course. Although this character isn’t a big fan of veering away from his local you know he can find his way there even through a horde of zombies.
Played by: Simon Pegg
Film: Shaun of the Dead (2004)
Drink of choice: A pint of lager
The one everything gets blamed on
When the party invariably does go a bit wrong you have to have a scapegoat on hand who can easily be blamed for spilled pints, late arrivals home and best of all… streaking through the quad.
Character: Frank, The Tank
Played by: Will Ferrell
Film: Old School (2003)
Drink of choice: Beer… from a funnel
The one who can always smell the next party
It takes special skill to know when one party has come to an end and it’s time to find the perfect next spot to continue the festivities, whether it’s a new bar, a house party or even a late night diner. This man never gets left out of the best razzle in town and isn’t afraid to make his own party if necessary. To the VIP area, please.
Character: Aldous Snow
Played by: Russell Brand
Film: Get Him to the Greek (2010)
Drink of choice: Anything that isn’t nailed down
The loose cannon
Although having someone totally unpredictable on your squad on a night out can lead to endless trouble sometimes that trouble is where the most fun is. You need someone who doesn’t care about consequences or tomorrow to just seize the moment, go with the flow and make it happen. Surely there’s no one better than a rock star…
Character: Russell Hammond
Played by: Billy Crudup
Film: Almost Famous (2000)
Drink of choice: Beer
If your loose cannon ends up causing an argument that your charmer can’t undo, you might just be forced to bring in some muscle to bring any potential fights. In this situation you want someone who is indestructible, experienced and willing to throw down if necessary.
Played by: Hugh Jackman
Films: X-Men (2000), X-Men 2 (2003), X-Men: The Last Stand (2006), X-Men Origins: Wolverine (2009), X-Men: First Class (2011), The Wolverine (2013), X-Men: Days of Future Past (2014)
Drink of choice: Beer
Who doesn’t need a good buddy to help you score on your night out? (Well Eric and I don’t because we’re both married but we’ll just put that aside). The perfect wingperson knows how to big you up, make you look good in front of the competition and ensure you seal the final deal. They will know all your faults and forgive you when you are being a massive doofus.
Played by: Paul Bettany
Film: A Knight’s Tale (2001)
Drink of choice: Ale
The one who knows when to go home
It always seems like a great idea to stay out all night… until it isn’t. And then you need someone who knows that it’s time to get the hell out of dodge, stumble home and find somewhere soft to pass out. This person needs to be fun, but sensible with a real skill for wrangling drunks. Obviously I am not suggestion we take eleven year old Hermione out on the razzle but by the time she’s graduated Hogwarts she’d be perfect for drawing the line at the end of the night and making sure no one gets left behind.
Character: Hermione Granger
Played by: Emma Watson
Films: Harry Potter and The Philosopher’s Stone (2001), Harry Potter and The Chamber of Secrets (2002), Harry Potter and The Prisoner of Azkaban (2004), Harry Potter and The Goblet of Fire (2005), Harry Potter and The Order of The Phoenix(2007), Harry Potter and The Half-Blood Prince (2009), Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows Part 1 (2010), Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows Part 2 (2011)
Drink of choice: Butterbeer
So who’s up for the party?
Who else would you bring along?
What role would you play in the drinking squad?
When are we leaving?
P.S. You can check out other things I have been getting up to over at Where the Wild Things Are.