When Eric asked me to do a guest post on the IPC, I was deeply, deeply honoured and I immediately started pondering about what kind of topic I should deliver an edict on. Then it dawned on me… if I got to actually meet Eric or any of the other awesome bloggers that lurk in this corner of the internet what I’d really like to do is go on a massive messy night out with them – one of those ones that ends with someone getting into a fight, someone lying in a gutter and someone being sick on the night bus. I can imagine several of you would be up for that *cough* Zoë, *cough* Cara… Brian.
Of course if we went on this night out we’d want to be accompanied by some of our favourite movie characters – a drinking “dream team” if you will – because the perfect night out requires the perfect balance. Too many loose cannons and you end up peaking too early. Not enough cash in the bag and you’ll end up way too sober. A lack of muscle and when Eric, invariably offends some Disney fan we’ll all end up in A&E.
So without any further ado, I present you with the IPC’s Drunken Movie Night Dream Team.
The bankroll
The function of the bankroll is essentially to buy all the drinks. Here you’re looking for someone with an endless cash supply and the generosity to go with it. With a good bankroller at the helm the drinks will flow like water and who could be better than… Iron Man! Not only does he have endless money but he has the perfect swanky pan for pre-drinks. Let’s just hope he leaves Pepper Potts at home.
Name: Tony Stark
Played by: Robert Downey Jnr
Films: Iron Man (2009), Iron Man 2 (2010), The Avengers (2012), Iron Man 3 (2013)
Drink of choice: A nice single malt
The stylist
Somebody has to be in charge of making sure that every member of the crew looks absolutely styling. You need someone who is not only always perfectly turned out themselves but also has experience of giving top notch makeovers… let’s just hope everyone wants to look like a schoolgirl from the 90’s.
Name: Cher
Played by: Alicia Silverstone
Film: Clueless (1995)
Drink of choice: Champagne
The charmer
Every party needs someone who has the gift of the gab. One who can talk their way past any bouncer, diffuse any potential disagreements and secure invitations to the best after parties. My money is on the man who has managed to befuddle pretty much everyone whose path he’s crossed, turning every situation to his own advantage.
Name: Captain Jack Sparrow
Played by: Johnny Depp
Films: Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl (2003), Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest (2006), Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End(2007) Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides (2011)
Drink of choice: Rum
The navigator
The best laid party plans can go wrong very quickly if no one knows where the best bars are and how to get there quickly, especially if people start to wander off. You need someone at the helm who can pull everyone together and steer the course. Although this character isn’t a big fan of veering away from his local you know he can find his way there even through a horde of zombies.
Character: Shaun
Played by: Simon Pegg
Film: Shaun of the Dead (2004)
Drink of choice: A pint of lager
The one everything gets blamed on
When the party invariably does go a bit wrong you have to have a scapegoat on hand who can easily be blamed for spilled pints, late arrivals home and best of all… streaking through the quad.
Character: Frank, The Tank
Played by: Will Ferrell
Film: Old School (2003)
Drink of choice: Beer… from a funnel
The one who can always smell the next party
It takes special skill to know when one party has come to an end and it’s time to find the perfect next spot to continue the festivities, whether it’s a new bar, a house party or even a late night diner. This man never gets left out of the best razzle in town and isn’t afraid to make his own party if necessary. To the VIP area, please.
Character: Aldous Snow
Played by: Russell Brand
Film: Get Him to the Greek (2010)
Drink of choice: Anything that isn’t nailed down
The loose cannon
Although having someone totally unpredictable on your squad on a night out can lead to endless trouble sometimes that trouble is where the most fun is. You need someone who doesn’t care about consequences or tomorrow to just seize the moment, go with the flow and make it happen. Surely there’s no one better than a rock star…
Character: Russell Hammond
Played by: Billy Crudup
Film: Almost Famous (2000)
Drink of choice: Beer
The muscle
If your loose cannon ends up causing an argument that your charmer can’t undo, you might just be forced to bring in some muscle to bring any potential fights. In this situation you want someone who is indestructible, experienced and willing to throw down if necessary.
Character: Wolverine
Played by: Hugh Jackman
Films: X-Men (2000), X-Men 2 (2003), X-Men: The Last Stand (2006), X-Men Origins: Wolverine (2009), X-Men: First Class (2011), The Wolverine (2013), X-Men: Days of Future Past (2014)
Drink of choice: Beer
The wingperson
Who doesn’t need a good buddy to help you score on your night out? (Well Eric and I don’t because we’re both married but we’ll just put that aside). The perfect wingperson knows how to big you up, make you look good in front of the competition and ensure you seal the final deal. They will know all your faults and forgive you when you are being a massive doofus.
Character: Chaucer
Played by: Paul Bettany
Film: A Knight’s Tale (2001)
Drink of choice: Ale
The one who knows when to go home
It always seems like a great idea to stay out all night… until it isn’t. And then you need someone who knows that it’s time to get the hell out of dodge, stumble home and find somewhere soft to pass out. This person needs to be fun, but sensible with a real skill for wrangling drunks. Obviously I am not suggestion we take eleven year old Hermione out on the razzle but by the time she’s graduated Hogwarts she’d be perfect for drawing the line at the end of the night and making sure no one gets left behind.
Character: Hermione Granger
Played by: Emma Watson
Films: Harry Potter and The Philosopher’s Stone (2001), Harry Potter and The Chamber of Secrets (2002), Harry Potter and The Prisoner of Azkaban (2004), Harry Potter and The Goblet of Fire (2005), Harry Potter and The Order of The Phoenix(2007), Harry Potter and The Half-Blood Prince (2009), Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows Part 1 (2010), Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows Part 2 (2011)
Drink of choice: Butterbeer
So who’s up for the party?
Who else would you bring along?
What role would you play in the drinking squad?
When are we leaving?
P.S. You can check out other things I have been getting up to over at Where the Wild Things Are.
SOMEONE MAKE THAT MOVIE!
Also looking at the majority of the group being male movie stars, Alicia Sliverstone is almost definitely up for that idea.
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Lol… she’s going to need nerves of steel!
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Reblogged this on Where The Wild Things Are and commented:
I’ve been given the honour of posting a little guest blog over at The IPC so check out my drunken night out movie dream team.
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THANKS ABBI!!!!
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*cough* me?! *cough* bring it on!
Awesome list Abbi! Perfect gifs all round!
I’d probably be the one who knows when to go home… I know that sounds boring, but my friends call me the Keeper. It’s all fun and games until they have almost overdone it, but we always manage to have a blast, and I manage the drunks and the conclusion to the night pretty smoothly.
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I am definitely a Keeper too. I’m always shepherding everyone into a cab. I knew you’d be in!
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Then we shall marshal the whole lot! 😛
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I think they’ll need it.
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Dearest SB,
Are you like, a shepherd??? 🙂 🙂
Love,
SSC
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Kindest SSC,
ME?!
Love,
JB
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I’d bring along Channing Tatum so that he can show me his dance moves. And so that everyone else isn’t left out he can teach us all some moves so that we can do a big group number on the floor.
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I love it. Excellent choice!
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I’m no longer allowed on buses…….
Great post! I’d replace the loose cannon with Hunter S. Thompson. My role used to be the one who vomits all over everything.
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Thanks! My husband was keen on Hunter S. Thompson but I questioned whether he’d actually be fun at all.
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ABBI!!! This post is FUCKING EPIC!!!! I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!
Thank you SO MUCH!!!
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Yay!!! I’m so glad it’s up to IPC standards!
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You’ve raised the bar here!! 🙂
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Pun intended? 🙂
On 19 June 2014 16:15, Isaacs Picture Conclusions wrote:
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LOL!!
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Agreed EPIC post this is great!
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Aww thanks!
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great post. back when i had a life i was probably a cross between wingman and the sensible one who knows it’s time to go home. if i was out on the batter now i wouldn’t bring Jack Sparrow along; he’s just too feckin’ good looking. us other blokes wouldn’t stand a chance. i was thinking someone like Owen from The Way Way Back (Sam Rockwel)l: charming, good dancer, can talk up a mile, but not so bloody handsome
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What a great choice, Niall. He’d be a great addition to a night out! I have a friend who looks a bit like Jack Sparrow and he does attract a fair amount of attention from the opposite sex so I see your point!
On 19 June 2014 16:42, Isaacs Picture Conclusions wrote:
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i hate your friend already 🙂
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I hate Tony Stark, lol. I’d rather buy my own drinks than listen to him prattle on all night, always needing to be the center of attention. But otherwise, I’d roll with this crew. Might need to bring someone like Kevin Bacon along for his fucking sweeeeeeeeet dance moves. Because when I get drunk, I gotta dance! And then vandalize something. Shit, we’ll need someone for that too.
Great job, Abbi! 🙂
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Is there another tycoon you’d prefer to drink with. Bruce Wayne possibly?
Kevin Bacon would be great for a dance off and I’d be well up for suggestions for a “vandaliser” or possibly the “kleptomaniac” because there’s always someone who wants to take home a traffic cone!
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Hmmm, good question. Bruce Wayne would probably be a buzzkill, he doesn’t strike me as the partying type.
Ooo I know! Arthur! But Dudley Moore, not Russell Brand because he’s already part of the crew. Arthur was a rich as all hell alcoholic. He’d be a great time!
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Excellent choice! I’d love an evening out with Arthur.
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I’ll handle the vandalizing!!
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I vote for Kevin Bacon too I bet he’d be fun!
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That’s two Bacons!
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Ha! Awesome post, Abbi! : ) I’d bring, well… Yeah, okay – Chris Hemsworth. Because I’m unoriginal. But it would give me something to look at all night while I sit in the corner being boring & probably not even drinking. Because I’m old & boring. : ) Oh! And maybe Snoopy. How cool would Snoopy be on a drunken night out?! That would be awesome!
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I think the boys would riot if you brought the Hems out but I’d love it! I think Snoopy would be great fun on a night out.
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You wouldn’t be doing body shots with me???
#frown
#disappointment
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You’d be doing body shots with Snoopy.
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LOL!!
#doghair
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Lol! No. I’m not 20. ; )
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Awesome! I’d bring along Bruce from “Filth,” if you want to have a good time, he’s the man who’ll get everything we need ;).
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Jesus… I’d be terrified he’d turn on us and we’d end up in a crack house being tortured by junkies.
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I can’t wait to see Brian and Isaacs after their “Clueless” makeovers!
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I think Brian would be in the knee socks and Eric would be wearing the check mini-skirt.
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Love love this post Abbi!! Woot woot! I am seriously lol right now. Imagine putting us all together to party and get crazy, I am so down. Please sign me up Asap. I am the person who doesn’t want to go home and stays out all night and wants to go to another place and another place and talks to everyone. I will need Zoe and T9M to settle my ass down. I def want to see Smash live up to her name and smash up some shit! Eric will force us to do shots I just know it. Which one are you Abbi?
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YOU ALREADY KNOW!!!
Oh – and apologies in advance for the drunken cleavage ogling. It’s no mystery that ALL men look at boobs. Sober Gentlemen do it slyly and demurely. Drunken Gentlemen get sloppy and stare. So – apologies!
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Like straight up stare, no shame and sort of like an old man. #noshame
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Well…. Yep….
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I am often the one who knows when to go home and manages to marshall everyone. I have also been known to steal when drunk though… mostly the hats of strangers…
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Ha! Sounds like an amazing night out for sure, I want to party with Jack Sparrow. I usually end up being the person who gets stuck in a massive deep and meaningful conversation with a random person and then people have to rescue me. Or the person jumping a fence and trespassing some place. It could go either way.
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I’ve been known to get stuck in a few drunk DMC’s myself. Three wines and it’s time for philosophy!
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What a great team. Think I would go with Bruce Banner for the muscle. Any problems then Hulk smash! 🙂
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He’d be a great combo between muscle and loose cannon but maybe he’d end up starting more fights than he ended.
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Yeah true but like the never know spirit that he would bring to the table 🙂
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Great list, Abbi. A fantastic team. I’d love to join the party!
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I’m guessing you’d have some great insider knowledge for the tequila shots portion of the evening? 😉
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Yes, of course 😉 Besides, I just got home after visiting the state of Jalisco, which is the birthplace pf tequila
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OMG. ABBI. This is BRILLIANT. Yes, yes, yes, and yes 1,000 more times. All so true and so awesome. Hey wait–am I passed out in a gutter during all of this?!?!
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Thanks! I think it all depends on how much rum Captain Jack convinces you to drink.
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Captain Jack better watch out. I can hold my liquor.
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This is awesome! Totally how I’d imagine this hangout 🙂
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Yay! We’ll see you at the bar!
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