Isaacs Picture Conclusions

NOWHERESVILLE (2011) ONE TOP HAT

(another one from the crypt – hopefully we can get back to boobs and blood next week!!)nowhere

I guess this is one of those movies that gets the one top hat rating but doesn’t go to the Most Unclean list. I guess someone might like this, but I sure didn’t. I realize that it is difficult to make a decent movie where everything takes place in one or two rooms (like this one) but this has to be one of the most boring movies that I have sat through in ages. I dipped into the “Thriller” queue on iTunes to get this one and I am not sure how the distributors think they can pass this off as “thrilling” – but I guess they did make three bucks off of me today. The acting? Not good. The dialogue? Not good. The setting? Ok I suppose. Pacing? Not good. Excitement? None. Well – something mildly exciting happens at minute 57. The score? Not good.  The line delivery by the actors? Not good at all.  The big twisty scene in the little one room hotel room where the “wingman” is telling “the husband” that he boned “the wife” and she hears and asks who he is talking to and he says “myself” and she believes him? Not good.  The movie called Nowheresville? Not good.

An FBI accountant is given a field position because he botched something at a casino sting. This job requires him to sit in a hotel room for at least three weeks recording and listening to the folks in the other room, waiting to hear when “some money” is going to be dropped off. It should not surprise anyone that it’s the casino money from his previous, unfortunate assignment. Through the walls he hears them arguing and soon she’s knocking on his door. He reluctantly lets her in and soon they are in love and planning on stealing the loot and moving to Buenos Aires. Nothing at all happens for the next 30 minutes until the money shows up and the event I mentioned in the first paragraph occurs. We then get about one minute of un-thrilling action and plod to the end. For real, I got so bored during this that I started repairing a Christmas  figurine and that was more eventful than Nowheresville.

***

NOTE: Hi everyone!! Thanks to some crafty thinking and swift decision making from  I finally have working internet again and a functioning keyboard!! GOD DAMN!!! I don’t know HOW in the fucking world you guys do this shit on your phones….! #insanity

Anyway – THANK GOD!!! Thanks for all of the feedback on SHITFEST the other day! I got a bunch of commitments so now that I have a working machine, let’s roll with starting in July! Normally, my OCD and I cap things off at a clean month, but, let’s get loosey goosey and just roll with it as long as they keep coming in. If it’s only ten entries, it’s only ten entries, but everyone is going to get their own day even if we have to roll over into August. I still don’t know about the opening act but we’ll think of something.

Let’s do this thing!! GO SHITFEST GO!!!

Here’s a teaser:

SFSANNA3

36 comments

  1. Dear Sinner Spock Chop,

    Looks freaking bland! Will be skipping.

    As for Shitfest? WHOOHOOOOOOOOOO! I am so happy that it is back on track! Monday is my last paper, after that I can finish up my Shitfest entry as well as a few other commitments that I have!

    Hope you have an AWESOME Friday!

    Love,

    SBJB

    Like

    • theipc

      Dearest SBJB,

      This is an old one so I’ve forgotten most of it but it was awful boring.

      SHITFEST?? WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!

      I hope YOU have an AWESOME Friday!!!!

      Love,

      SSC

      Like

  2. garylee828

    So, this was “Hard Candy” with bad acting? I know you hated Hard Candy, but you agree the acting was good in it, right? I like movies set in a single location – but not if the acting’s bad.

    Like

    • theipc

      Hard Candy was a masterpiece compared to this – you WON’T like this one.

      I didn’t HATE Hard Candy – I just HATED the non stop talking by Juno. It was so irritating to me. Everything else about it I liked for the most part. But – she did talk for 90% of the movie.

      Like

      • garylee828

        lol, yeah she did; i thought her smart-ass remarks were hilarious…like:

        “Check my portfolio. I have other stuff than teen models, some of it very important work – like Yukon Territory, forests, and mountains.”

        “So…you love nature, thus you must be a great guy?”

        LOL

        Like

  3. garylee828

    Man, the IPC board is slow today! I guess some people have lives outside of here.

    Isaacs, question on completely different topic here, but I wanted to know what you thought about Dark Knight? I vaguely remember you saying you didn’t see it – or you didn’t like it, or something…and I was just wondering what it was about it you didn’t like. If you’ve got a couple minutes I’m interested in hearing your thoughts; if you’re busy then we can discuss another time. 🙂

    Like

    • theipc

      I know… slow day today….

      I liked The Dark Night – quite a bit. I think it was Brian who didn’t like The Dark Knight Rises. You might have seen on Twitter one time that Brian and Cinema Parrot Disco were talking about seeing two movies in one day. I griped that it’s impossible for me to sit still that long and the longest I have ever been able to spend in a movie theater was during The Dark Knight LOL

      But I did like it – it was my favorite of the three.

      Like

      • garylee828

        Oh okay. For some reason I thought you felt it was too mainstream or something. Gun to my head, DK would be my favorite of the 3, mostly b/c of Ledger’s perofrmance, but the entire trilogy was phenomenal.

        The ending of Batman Begins is one of my favorite endings to a film ever; the scene where Gordon hands Batman a card and Batman glances at it and it’s a “Joker” card and Batman says “I’ll look into it” and flies off the roof. What’s so great about it, is it builds such immense anticipation for the next installment and perfectly leaves you haning, waiting to see what happens nxt. That’s what a good movie should do. Always leave you wanting more.

        Since I now know you liked Dark Knight, I have a bit more confidence you’ll like “Casino Royale”. Casino Royale did for the Bond franchise what Nolan did for the Batman franchise – took it from sheer cheesiness and made it gritty and serious. Just like the ending of Batman Begins was great, so is the ending of Casino Royale. The final frame…immaculate.

        However, “Skyfall” is a candidate for my next shitfest entry. lol.

        Like

      • garylee828

        Awesome! Definitely looking forward to your thoughts.

        You’ve seen “V for Vendetta”, right? I bring that one up b/c I place Dark Knight, V for Vendetta and Casino Royale as my top 3 favorite crime/action movies ever. I assume you’ve seen V…and that you loved it, of course. 🙂

        Like

      • theipc

        You know, I honestly didn’t love V for Vendetta but I can’t really remember why it’s been so long ago since I’ve seen it.

        Like

  4. garylee828

    *Also, if you’re slow…check out the 2 last trailers for “Dawn of the Planet of the Apes” if you haven’t seen them yet; i think this is going to be the best film of the summer. Monkey paws down! Brian and I agree it looks great. I think you will, too.

    Like

  5. Table9Mutant

    Look! I can’t comment as me again.

    Because I do it ALL on my phone!!! : )

    This looks boring.

    That’s all. My head hurts. : )

    Like

  6. Pingback: NOWHERESVILLE (2011) ONE TOP HAT | Tinseltown Times

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