Huh… well…. hmmm….. I guess this was OK…. I guess…. It’s pretty pointless and not much like the original we talked about yesterday. I suppose it’s not as loud and screechy but you do have to deal with Eric Balfour who can be an iffy addition to any cast. Remember THIS??? Some guys you just don’t like. I don’t have much to say about this lethargic entry in the franchise either. Leatherface is once again a hulking mammoth of a man, there’s lots of screaming and yelling and blood and pot smoking and R. Lee Ermey and talk of corpse desecration and chainsaws and…. no boobs.
Does anyone remember in the original when they pick up that hitchhiker and he messes around with a knife and the fellow in the wheelchair gets all freaked out? Well, in here they pick up a female hitchhiker who goes babbling on and on about how bad some man is and then she pulls a gun out of her Hoo Haw and blows her brains out.
Surely she’s talking about Leatherface? Why did this unstoppable killing machine let her get away? He chases down and kills EVERYONE else. Why does she have a gun stuffed in her junk?? If she wanted to live so much, why did she blow herself to smithereens? That looked like a pretty small handgun – how did it completely blow her head to pieces and blow out the window???
Honestly, I can’t really think about much else to say about this thing. Some twenty somethings get carved up for dinner by a dude wearing another dude’s face. I’ve always been a fan of Jessica Biel’s bod, so….
Let’s observe some testimonials about her boobs:
Jessica Biel’s boobs.
Like two golden eggs, wrapped in
soft velvet. Stunning.
JJAMES REVIEWS: Overrated.
WHERE THE WILD THINGS ARE: All I have to say is good… but nowhere near as good as Amy Adams. Her boobs are the ultimate boob
JOHNLINK MOVIES: I normally wouldn’t talk about this kind of thing. But, since you asked, I think Jessica Biel has beautiful eyes. This is a really thoughtful expose you are doing.
CINEMA PARROT DISCO: No.
Well this is one of the weirdest emails I have ever received.
Jessica Biel’s breasts are alright. Nothing especially interesting about them. They are about average size and seem perky. I expect a better choice Isaac when talking about some Ta Tas. I actually would prefer bigger or smaller boobs. You have really got me thinking now Isaac! Am Googling so many boobs now.
SNAP CRACKLE WATCH! : I hate Jessica Biel and her smug ass Justin Timberlake luving boobs!
GARY: I got…nothing! Go F yourself, Isaacs! 🙂 I actually pay attention to women’s facial features much more than bodies. I love their eyes, lips, smile, hair. I like high cheekbones and a squared jaw. I love brunettes and brown eyes. Jessica Biel is attractive, but not my preference. Jessica Alba is my preference. 🙂
MARKED MOVIES (1): The little pink noses on Jessica Biel’s milk puppies are a thing to behold. 😉
MARKED MOVIES (2): Biel’s breests are a couple o’ steeshers!!
Let’s talk about Blade: Trinity. I am sure most of you also drifted to this movie, when Jessica Biel’s mammary mountains were brought into question. Phallic objects and all that. Anyway, Blade Trinity is a movie that is difficult to review, because no one has any idea what terrible thing to start discussing. Maybe we should talk about the two great films that went before it that shoves it into obscurity. Maybe we could talk about how most of the actors on display here drift through this movie, phoning in a performance, rather than giving one. Maybe we could talk about the vampire dogs, but the total stupidity of that addition to the Blade canon is pretty self-explanatory when you see a poodle with vampire face. There is a whole lot of reasons why Blade Trinity should be staked, left in the sunlight and given garlic bread.
But there are two reasons why I cannot truly hate this movie. In a movie of terrible things, those two reasons stand firm and erect. Those two reason keep me up at night, as I picture them before bed. Those two reasons would fit so perfectly into my hands, I cannot bring myself to criticise their appearance in this garbage film. Staring longingly at those two reasons was the cause for my last girlfriend to leave me. Those two reasons look amazing when hidden behind a white t-shirt after being plunged in cold water. Emphasis on the cold. And the boob part of that sentence. Anyway, what I am trying to say is that Jessica Biel’s tits are the only reason to watch Blade: Trinity.
PARLOR OF HORROR: Holy mama fun-bags! I haven’t seen a set of real ‘uns like that since Charo danced on the Carol Burnett Show in 1975. Living proof that ‘all natural’ beats artificially flavored any day of the week. I give Jessica my nomination for the ‘Golden Globes’ awards. 🙂
AN ODE TO BIEL
With my little eye I spies
That 36C is her bra size
And 36-25-35 inches of love
Can bring me down as a shot dove
Oh Jessica. Your boobs drive me crazy
Now I do feel my eyes going a little hazy
So with a start of a cold shower
I will have me a Jessica Biel happy hour
THE SPORADIC CHRONICLES OF A BEGINNER BLOGGER: Jessica Biel’s boobs… what to say? Contrary to popular belief, other women do look at these things. I would say she has decent boobs. Or used to. I haven’t seen her in anything recently so I have no idea how they have been holding up and all that. So I guess ultimately I am neutral to them. Not necessarily the boobs I would wish and beg to have or anything, anyway.
ERIC ISAACS: I’d Motorboat the shit out of those Funbags.
M: Jessica Biel has boobs?? When did she buy those?? LOL
ME: LOL – is that the feedback you want me to use??
M: yup LOL that’s my final answer
M: See… Top two no boobs. Bottom two padding or paid for either way… Nah
Silence, Exile, Cunning … Maple Syrup: this was the first email i opened today: what a nice way for me to start my day! 🙂 i don’t have any profound thoughts, other than i think she’s a better actress than people think, and if people could see past her beauty and bosom, she’d possibly be taken more seriously
TRANQUIL DREAMS: Never noticed. Don’t like her so don’t care about her boobs 😛
FILMNERDBLOG: Err, which one is Jessica Biel? I always get Jessica Biel and Jessica Alba mixed up. Feel free to quote me, on that.
I like everything about Jessica Biel, including her boobs. They are perky and perfect for her frame. But I’d rather talk about:
THAT ASS. Seriously. That scene in that one movie where Adam Sandler pretends to be gay and she strips out of her wet clothes? That scene prompted me to squat like a mother fucker because I wanted an ass like that. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve nearly pulled a hamstring trying to look like that. Flawless. Not too big, not too small. Defies gravity, and levitates. It should have its own manager.
SILVER SCREEN SERENADE: Jessica Biel’s boobs?? Um. I guess they’re fine…?
CINEMA SCHMINEMA: I’ve never actually thought about her boobs before…I guess they’re nice
A Biel Boob Review by Weebs
I dutifully played many clips of Jessica Biel in “I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry” and “Powder Blue,” and here’s my critical assessment:
Boob size: Eh, they’re pretty small. I’m a size queen when it comes to boobs. I like my women to have big racks, so Jessica doesn’t fit the bill here. C-
Boob perkiness: Small boobs do benefit from being able to stay perky, without that pesky gravity weighing them down. So she’s got the perky thing going on, at least. A-
Overall boob rating: I can’t give her any more than a B- for her rack as a whole. She’s got a slamming body but the chestular area is a disappointment to me.
The films of Jessica Biel – Reviewed by her boobs
Eric recently asked my to write something about Jessica Biel’s boobs. At first I assumed this once some kind of super ‘A Beautiful Mind’ type code to be broken possibly concerning selling nukes to Iran. Then I remembered I was talking to Eric.
With this knowledge in hand I attempted to find out the scoop on the movies of Jessica Biel. Naturally I went straight to the source of her power, her boobs and milked them for information. Here for you to enjoy is the creamy milk of my labour. Here is : The Films of Jessica Biel – Reviewed by her boobs!
Does anyone else have anything to say about these beauties?? I don’t have an email address for everyone I interact with so I might have missed you on my big email. Let me know below and I’ll add them up here!